Demons Page #2

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A person may appear

on the surface

to be entirely responsible

for a given act,

but is in fact in no way

culpable and in theory,

should suffer no legal or moral

repercussions as a result.

- I was responsible.

It could have gone

a different way.

- Didn't you hear?

Maybe Eddie was.

Causation is a...

Precarious thing.

Get it together, Kayleigh.

- All right, so as it happened,

the barman was a priest.

At this little uh, country

church outside Dublin.

So these ulster jackasses,

and this father...

Ah, what was his name, Mike?

- Yep.

- Mike, yeah, Mike.

And we're there most nights,

and we're just getting shitfaced

and talking about history

and theology and all the

important stuff, right?

And at one point, Colin asks,

"so how have you

managed to be a priest

"and a barman at the same time?"

It's like uh, a priest is a

round-the-clock kind of job.

And he's there

every single night.

And he goes...

- he says, "the

pub's my real church."

"My... vocation",

it was beautiful.

He said, "the church building,

that's just where I go

to do my regular job."

"So many lost souls, you know?"

- Funny the two of

you wound up in the

entertainment business.

It's just so surface, you know?

- I don't really

see myself as being

in the entertainment business.

- Oh, piss off.

Of course you are.

Anyway, I studied art history,

which is history

plus art, get it?

- And you graduated from

that to car commercials

and Stoner comedies.

- You know, she's pretty

insightful for a high school girl.

- She's a bitchy little force

of nature is what she is.

- So how did you two meet again?

- Eddie was a frequent guest

at the clinic where

I used to work.

- Mmhmm.

Acupuncture, medical

marijuana, and beautiful women.

What more could a man ask?

- Okay, baby.

Jewely wants to

talk to her daddy.

Ariel says she's been crying

ever since she got there.

- That's weird.

Excuse me, guys.

Hey sweet girl.

What's the matter?

- She's burdened.

- What?

- Kayleigh, there's

something attached to her.

- Let's not do this now, yeah?

- Emmie and Marcus just landed.

- Mmhmm.

- Mmm.

- Maybe you could give me a

few minutes alone with her?

- I am her father.

I deserve to be here.

- I'm not concerned with

what you deserve, Mr. Grant.

Only what's best for

your daughter right now.

- Just listen to him, daddy.

Please?

- Look, I just need to

do a brief evaluation.

It often helps if there

aren't people with

personal connections

in the room.

- All right.

Evaluate her.

But do not proceed further

without talkin' to me.

- Yes, sir.

- I'm going to pray

with your mother.

I would ask if you'd

like to join us but,

I'm afraid I know the answer

to that question already.

- What could praying hurt?

Jewel?

Can you hear me?

Lord, may your mercy descend

upon us, upon Jewel Grant,

at this moment, her

moment of greatest need.

- Have you come to save me...

Or just to play with me?

- So what's the verdict?

On the Margarita?

- It's nice.

Sweet and hot at the same time.

I like it.

- See?

I'm really becoming quite

an excellent mixologist.

- Is anybody else coming in?

Kayleigh?

Come in.

- Why not?

- Woo hoo!

- Uh huh!

Yes!

- Hey there, naked girl.

- Hello!

- Hey.

It's your wedding weekend.

- Oh girl, don't.

Now, you see I'm

dressed, don't you?

Now you know better than that.

This place, it looks

like a spread from

"the Southern

lifestyle", uh huh.

Man, props hampsteads.

- She's gonna wear clothes

at the wedding, right?

- Oh no, didn't I tell you?

Uh no, we're both

gonna be naked.

The look on your face!

You're such a gullible f***er.

- Is this him?

This is some dark-ass sh*t.

It spoke to me.

- Thank you.

- Oh, could you go

ahead and sign my copy

so we can get that

awkward sh*t out the way?

- Sure.

- I'm Marcus, by the way.

- Colin.

- In the blessed name of

our lord Jesus Christ,

through whom all

things were created.

Amen.

You have evaluated our

daughter, I take it?

- Uh...

Yes.

But I'd like to get

a second opinion.

I have a mentor,

a former teacher,

who has a great deal more

experience in these matters

than I do.

- Oh.

I had thought you were an

expert in your own right.

- Well, um, look it's...

It's very important for

your daughter's sake that

we be sure about

what's going on here.

- Hmm.

- I can come back tomorrow.

In the meantime, please,

please, call a doctor.

- We will.

We'll see what we can do.

- Thank you.

- And father...

I don't want to have to take

matters into my own hands.

- Please...

- Right.

Well, I uh...

I will see you tomorrow.

- The hell

kind of priest is that?

- Father?

- What did he mean by that?

Taking matters

into his own hands?

- My daddy can be...

Unpredictable.

- What do you mean?

- I don't know.

He and I haven't gotten along

in these last years but,

I know he loves he

Jewel, in his own way.

- How'd she get the welts?

The ones on her back?

- Oh she had those

when I got here.

Said her body was

punishing itself

for the sin of carnality.

- Self-inflicted?

- Well priests and

penitents have been known

to mortify their own flesh

by whipping themselves, no?

- So she did it to herself

before the possession?

Or...

- do you really believe?

- In demons?

Absolutely.

- Oh no, no, it's, it's, it's,

I have it on great

authority that the ancients

preferred a small

penis to a large penis.

- Ooh!

- That's right, it's true.

It's absolutely true.

It's uh, that's why all the

Roman and the Greek statues

have men with tiny,

little penises.

- Those with penises left?

- Uh, yes.

- Short and they steal...

- The Christians liked

a small penis too, which is

why they took 'em all away.

"Darling, look at that.

"It's a lovely little

penis, let's have it."

- I, I gotta know.

Tell me about the naked thing.

When did it start?

I mean, what's it about?

- I don't know, I don't really

consider myself a nudist

or a naturist or, subscribe

to any sort of label.

I just really enjoy being naked.

- Me too.

- No, I reject the idea that

any sort of shame should be

associated with the human body.

It's just so puritanical and

damaging on so many levels.

- So, do you see yourself as

exploiting a certain

societal taboo?

- No, not really.

I wouldn't put it into

some sort of box like that.

It's, it's not willful, really.

I would just say that I give

myself the freedom to reject

a conception of the human body

and human sexuality that's,

that's steeped in

this twisted idea

that the body is somehow evil.

And that sexuality

is corruptive.

And that we'll all just go

batshit and turn into these

psycho, sex-crazed maniacs

when we see the body

in its a pure form.

Like, sex is a fact.

It's not something

we should fear.

I mean, it's just

a body, people.

- B*tch just like to run

around with her titties out.

- Well that too, yes.

I mean hey, if it feels good

and you're not hurting anyone,

why the hell not?

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