Desperate Living Page #2

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the antics of deviants...

to be one bit amusing.

What I like best

is a French kiss...

when I'm all dressed.

Don't expect no kiss

from me, Liver Lips.

Take off your underpants.

Hand 'em over.

I knew cops was sick, but...

These are big ones.

A little plain for my taste.

Now... I think I'll slip 'em on.

How does that look?

Pretty sexy, huh?

Now how about that kiss?

If I kiss you,

will you let us go?

You bet.

I want a real wet one now.

Goddamn gum.

Now, that was a real soul kiss.

OK, Buster, you've had your fun.

Now, which way to Mortville?

I ain't through yet.

Mrs. Gravel...

I'd like to examine

your underpants.

I will not!

I thought you wanted

to go to Mortville.

They let killers

live there scot-free.

I have never been so mortified

in my entire life.

Here, Blossom.

That's more like it.

These are from Bloomingdales.

You've got good taste.

I think I'll try to fit

my big business into them.

They're tight,

but they sure feel good.

Now do I get

my little kiss kiss?

No! Please, not a kiss!

I swear I'll gag!

Mouth me if you must,

but not a kiss!

Come on, now.

I'm all dressed up

in my pretty underthings...

and I need a little lip suction.

And now for that mouth.

I'd like to stick my whole head

in your mouth...

and let you suck out

my eyeballs.

I bet you'd like that,

wouldn't you?

What are you hogs looking at?

The show's over! Beat it!

Mortville's up that way!

Follow that dirt road.

Go ahead before

I haul your ass to jail!

I'll take a slice, please.

You want

lemon meringue or chocolate?

Chocolate, honey.

That'll be 10 cents.

Could you recommend

a rooming house for the night?

I don't think I like it here.

It's filthy, and

the people are repulsive.

We have no choice, Peggy,

and it's better than jail.

I'll tell you, Grizelda,

there is something wrong here.

Look around you.

It's a village of idiots.

Somebody help me.

Can't you act normal?

Just act normal for a change.

Please. There must be

a Quality Court or something.

I can't go in that hog pen.

Oh, shut up.

Can I help you?

We were raped.

Please, give us shelter.

You were raped?

Look, don't pay

no attention to her.

- We need to rent a room.

- You got money on you?

- I'm a very wealthy woman.

- Yeah, and I'm Cybill Shepherd.

Come on in here.

We might work something out...

That is, if you got money.

My name's Mole McHenry.

I'm Peggy Gravel.

It's nice to meet you.

I'm Grizelda Brown.

I'm Peggy's psychiatric nurse.

Room's out back.

Nothing fancy,

but it's a roof over your head.

Come on, I'll show you.

Shh! My girlfriend's

sleeping.

Yeah, you're lucky it's empty.

My last tenant shot himself

in here last night.

That dumb f***

left a mess everywhere.

Damn, it stinks in here.

Well, what do you think?

Do you want it or not?

Will he be removed?

I'll get the stiff out of here,

but don't think I got time...

for all the chores

in the world.

And no linens until

I soak these in cold water.

And we ain't got

no toilets in Mortville.

How do we...

I guess you'll just have

to use your imagination.

I see.

How much cash you got?

Give me that!

Six bucks.

Hey, you are a rich one.

A lottery ticket.

I'll take that, and I'll win it.

What's this? A bank book?

A lot of good

that'll do you here.

There aren't any banks

in Mortville?

There ain't nothing

here, lady.

Nobody's got one red cent

in Mortville...

except for that Queen.

The Queen? Can she help us?

You got a lot to learn

about living in Mortville.

I think we'd like

to take the room.

It's all yours, Sweetheart.

You hungry?

Yeah.

I think I'm going

to eat myself some chow...

and I got a little extra.

Looks like you got

a big appetite.

I'd be happy to help

with the preparation.

This one takes the cake.

You both sure are ugly b*tches.

Go on, sit down.

Muffy, we got company.

We really hadn't planned

on coming here.

We're from the Guilford

neighborhood in Baltimore.

I been to Baltimore a few times.

Some burg. I hate it.

All them hillbilly fucks

looking at you.

Well, if you want

to know the truth...

we had no choice

but to come to Mortville.

We're in a lot of trouble.

You see, I'm quite prominent...

and we accidentally

killed my husband.

I don't care what you did.

Nobody's in Mortville

for a vacation.

We all did something,

or we wouldn't be here

in the first place.

Dinner's served.

I'm really not that hungry.

I invited you to dinner,

and you accepted.

Now you'll eat this if I

have to jam it down your throat.

Muffy, I called you to dinner.

Do I have to come in there

and smack you?

You don't have

to shout the house down.

I heard you all right already.

This is my girlfriend

Muffy St. Jacques...

the most beautiful woman

in all of Mortville.

Hi.

This is Grizelda and...

I forget your name.

Peggy Gravel. It's a pleasure.

We rent the room out back...

so I guess

we'll be neighbors.

Really? I sleep in the room

right next to you... naked.

You're five minutes late

for dinner, Muffy.

Don't you remember our little

talk about your laziness?

I was having an erotic dream.

I warned you about

thinking about men...

before your afternoon nap.

Dirty thoughts about dirty men

bring on dirty dreams...

and you're a dirty girl, Muffy.

Mole, I can't help

what I think about.

It's not my fault Mr. Sandman

is not a bulldozer like you.

I'm warning you, Muffy.

Mole, sometimes I need a man.

I'm a man, Muffy... A man

trapped in a woman's body.

Yeah, Mole, but you don't

have the same big deal.

- Take it back!

- Take it out! It hurts!

- Take back what you said to me!

- Mole, you're the only one.

I love you. You're my man.

I'm only queer for...

That's better. Muffy knows

how I feel about men.

I'm not one

to be pushed over my limit.

That hurt!

Go!

Come on!

There they are.

Don't move, scags.

You're both under arrest...

by the order

of Her Majesty, Queen Carlotta.

Anything you say could put you

in front of the firing squad.

Take it easy!

We ain't fighting you!

Help us! Please help us!

Don't worry.

Standard procedure in Mortville.

Officer, would you like

a cup of gin or something?

Stay back, peasant woman!

Stay right there.

Hold it right there.

Come on.

Come on, you fatso.

Get up in there.

Oh, Grizelda, I can't.

Let's go! Come on!

Get out of there. Let's go.

Come on.

Come on, get up there.

Let's go.

Move it!

Come on!

Hey, boys,

look what I brought you!

We brought you

some fresh meat!

Fresh meat!

Get down on your knees!

We got something good for you

this time, girl.

Don't be crying, crybaby.

Daddy's not going

to leave you now.

A**hole.

Her Majesty, the Honorable

Queen Carlotta of Mortville.

Welcome to Mortville, ladies.

I read in the big city papers...

that you are wanted for murder!

The murder of a certain

Mr. Bosley Gravel.

We only...

You are interrupting

my flow of power!

Give these peasants a little

dinner, Lieutenant Wilson.

I bet they're hungry after

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