Despicable Me 2 Page #2

GRU:

Aaaaaahh!

He stands up and tries to cover.

Agnes SIGHS HAPPILY, in awe of the fairy princess.

GRU (CONT’D)

(in falsetto)

It is I, Gru...zinkerbell! The

most magical fairy princess of all!

And I am here to wish Princess

Agnes a very happy birthday!

Gru sprinkles the girls with glitter and they continue to

stare, frozen. Then a LITTLE GIRL raises her hand and speaks

with a lisp.

LITTLE GIRL:

How come you’re tho fat?

Gru grits his teeth, then forces a smile and speaks with a

high-pitched, dreamy voice.

DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 6.

GRU:

Because my house is made of candy

and sometimes I eat instead of

facing my problems.

The girl starts to ask another question.

LITTLE GIRL:

How come you have-

Gru cuts her off with a puff of fairy dust to the face. She

COUGHS.

GRU:

Okay! Time for cake!

As the kids run to the table, Agnes approaches Gru.

AGNES:

Thank you, Gru-zinkerbell. You're

the best fairy princess ever!

Gru smiles.

GRU:

(in falsetto)

You are welcome, little girl.

She runs off, but quickly returns.

AGNES:

(whispers in his ear)

I know it's really you, Gru. I’m

just pretending for the other kids.

She runs off again to join her friends. Gru watches her go.

Couldn’t be happier. Then he is approached by JILLIAN, a

heavily-Botoxed mom.

JILLIAN:

Hey there, Gru, Mr. Life of the

Party!

GRU:

(forcing a smile)

Hello, Jillian.

JILLIAN:

Sooooo, I’m gonna go out on a limb

here, but my friend Natalie is

recently single, and...

DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 7.

In the background, a homely NATALIE leans against a buffet

table and seductively raises her eyebrows at Gru. The table

collapses to the ground beneath her.

GRU:

(realizes what’s going on)

No, no, no, get off of the limb

right now. No limb.

JILLIAN:

Oh, come on...she’s a riot. She

sings karaoke, she has a lot of

free time, looks aren’t that

important to her...

In the background, Natalie inadvertently walks in front of a

bottle pitch game, is struck by a ball, and falls to the

ground.

GRU:

No, Jill’s, that is not happening.

Seriously. I’m fine.

JILLIAN:

(calling after Gru)

Okay, fine. Forget Natalie. How

about my cousin Linda?

Gru walks off, passing by Edith and Margo.

GRU:

No.

JILLIAN:

Oh, oh! I know someone whose

husband just died!

SPLASH! Suddenly Jillian is sprayed in the face with water.

Reveal Gru holding a HOSE with a SPRAY NOZZLE.

GRU:

I’m sorry. I did not see you

there.

SPLASH! He sprays her again. She falls down.

GRU (CONT’D)

Or there.

He drops the hose and walks away, CHUCKLING softly.

DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 8.

EXT:
GRU’S HOUSE - DUSK

Gru takes Kyle out to the front yard.

CAMERA POV:

A camera with nightvision is watching them. The screen

analyzes Kyle and a readout comes out as “SPECIES: UNKNOWN.”

Kyle sniffs Gru’s flowers.

GRU:

Kyle... Kyle!

Then it analyzes Gru and the readout says “TARGET ACQUIRED.”

GRU (CONT’D)

Ky--Kyle! No, do not do your

business on the petunias!

Kyle lifts up his leg next to Gru’s flowers.

He picks Kyle up and places him next to his neighbor’s bush.

GRU (CONT’D)

There you go. Those are Fred’s.

Go crazy.

Kyle does and the bush immediately withers and dies. Gru

CHUCKLES.

GRU (CONT’D)

Good boy.

VOICE (O.S.)

Mr. Gru?

Gru turns and sees Lucy Wilde standing there.

GRU:

Wha? I didn’t... What... Yes?

LUCY:

(holds up her badge)

Hi! Agent Lucy Wilde of the AVL.

(realizes her badge is

upside down)

Oh. Whoops.

(clears her throat, all

business)

Sorry, you’re gonna have to come

with me.

GRU:

Oh, sorry, I--Freeze Ray!

DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 9.

Gru whips out his FREEZE RAY and fires it. A WALL OF ICE

heads for Lucy.

But before it gets to her, Lucy pulls out a retractable gun

from her purse, which acts as a FLAMETHROWER. Melting the

ice.

LUCY:

You know you really should announce

your weapons after you fire them,

Mr. Gru. For example-

She pulls out a LIPSTICK. Fires it at Gru. The tip flies

through the air and connects with his chest, latching on.

ZZZZZAPPP! It tases him, which sends his body flailing in

different funny poses before passing out.

LUCY (CONT’D)

Lipstick Taser! Oh, it works so

good.

EXT:
STREET - LATER

Lucy tries to drag Gru to her car, but he’s too heavy.

LUCY:

Man. Ugh. Large...person.

She gets an idea.

Lucy gets into her car. In the background, we see Gru begin

to come to, but he is struck by Lucy’s car as she pulls back

and is knocked out again.

LUCY (CONT’D)

Oh...sorry!

Closer now, Lucy gets out and stuffs his body into the trunk.

Just then Tom and Stuart come out of Gru’s garage and see

their boss being loaded in. Lucy struggles to close the

trunk.

LUCY (CONT’D)

Get...in...there...you...big...man!

SLAM! Lucy finally slams the trunk then quickly gets into

the vehicle.

Tom and Stuart exchange horrified looks.

TOM AND STUART:

Boss!

DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 10.

They take off running after the car as it pulls away, running

as fast as their tiny legs will carry them.

behind it and Tom LEAPS up onto the trunk.

hand out to Stuart, who is falling behind.

They get rightHe reaches his

TOM:

Koom ey lah!

STUART:

Koom ey lah! Koom ey lah!

Stuart leaps for the bumper and Tom catches him by his

overall straps. Tom holds on tight as Stuart dangles from

the back of the car, his overall straps stretching way out.

STUART (CONT’D)

Aaaaaaiiieeeaaaiiieeeaaaah!

As Lucy turns a corner, he slams into some garbage cans and

ends up skiing behind the car in a cardboard box.

Now in the box, Stuart continues to ride behind the car, and

even starts to get the hang of that, too. He waves at Tom,

and Tom waves back.

STUART (CONT’D)

Woooo!

TOM:

Ooooh!

All is good until they go past a clothesline and a sheet gets

stuck on Stuart.

The sheet forms a parasail which lifts Stuart up into the

air. He strikes a Superman flying pose. Then a flock of

GEESE fly toward him and one actually slams into his face.

STUART:

Quack quack!

It SQUAWKS at him as it flies off.

Lucy spots the commotion in her side view mirror and slams on

the brakes. SCREECH! Both minions fly forward-

INT:
LUCY’S CAR - SAME

Lucy sees this, drives forward, and opens the convertible

top, causing the Minions to land right in the passenger’s

seat. They strike threatening karate poses.

DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 11.

TOM AND STUART:

Hi-YAH!!

Lucy tases them and they pass out. She floors it.

EXT:
STREET - SAME

Lucy’s car continues driving until it reaches a crowded PIER.

And doesn’t stop. It drives right off the end of the pier.

A confused fisherman leaps for his life.

CONFUSED FISHERMAN

What the--Oh!

SPLASH!

INT:
OCEAN - SAME

Lucy’s car now transforms into an UNDERWATER VEHICLE. As the

minions come to, one of them tries playing with the radio

until Lucy slaps his hand away. They speed through the sea

and an octopus slams into her windshield. She turns on the

wipers, which hits the octopus in the face until he’s had

enough and swims off in a cloud of ink.

Rate this script:3.0 / 2 votes