Detention Page #4

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when I'm watching the set.

He's blocking the game.

Why does he hate me?

All I have in the world is my TV set.

Never take this off, boy.

No one can know

that my son's a freak.

TV hand! TV hand! TV hand!

Hike!

TV hand! TV hand! TV hand!

And that's exactly

how I remember it.

You have got to cut down

on the protein shakes.

- Get lost! You don't know sh*t!

- If you fight Clapton, I'll tell everyone.

You think they give trophies

to larvae?

- My hand.

- Come on!

I'm trying

Billy, we really need to talk.

Is this when I'm supposed to say,

"How could you?"

Am I supposed to say,

"It's not what it looks like"?

What, are you two f***ing?

Welcome to the Sandersons'.

Don't speak more loudly...

...than you would at your home. If you

have to go number one, go outside.

If it's number two, you go home.

Why'd you tell me

this was a costume party?

Because it is.

Fag.

Who are you supposed to be,

Super Mario?

Angela Chase.

She of the So-Called Life,

Claire Danes?

If it wasn't on man's curling,

I probably haven't seen it.

- We're the least cool people here.

- No, speak for yourself.

I'm dressed as

Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

Setting off some pheromones.

I thought you were an ice skater.

- Do you like fish sticks?

- Oh, my God!

In Canada, people drink

what they bring to the party.

This whole Marxist alcohol

partition thing is new to me.

I like to mooch the good stuff.

So Canada, eh?

Is it true you guys

never lock your doors?

Suck it, b*tches.

Gag.

I have no witty retort to that.

Just kiss me and make sure Clapton

sees that sh*t.

Engage.

I am fever!

I hope you're having

as much fun as us, Clapton.

As much fun as Billy had?

If your mind is being controlled

by Wrath of Khan slugs...

...I just want you to know

that I am cool with it.

Let's dance, Sander...

...because Clapton don't dance.

Not awesome.

I think I'm gonna barf.

Your bra hooked my ring.

Don't stretch my suspenders.

These overalls are vintage 1994.

This is a limited-edition

LeVar Burton Starfleet pinkie ring.

I had to eat Whole Wheat Crackles

for a year to get one.

- Creeper. Beam off!

- Trust me.

That dude has tits.

Finally happened for me.

Clapton Davis!

Tonight will prove my theory...

...that lone won't go to prom...

...with someone

who has been murdered!

Go on, Clapton. I believe in you.

How about you use that motivational

speech to talk Billy out of it?

He's not gonna stop

until you step up.

You just have to lay down the law.

What if I lay down in pain?

Remember, Clapton,

pain don't hurt.

Red shirt. Damn.

All right, Billy.

Clapton Davis.

You are not as much of a p*ssy

as I thought.

- Do you wanna do this the easy way?

- What's the easy way?

Stop being so smart, all right?

You're dead either way.

Well, thank you

for explaining my op--

Thank God that's not me.

Goal!

It's go time, Clapton.

Shut up, lone!

It's no wonder I broke up with you.

Clapton Davis is a genius!

Would you go back in time to punch

Benjamin Franklin and Spike Lee too?

Get out of my face, ho!

And you lied to me. It is not normal

for people's semen to glow in the dark.

Billy, she never saw my semen,

I swear to God.

I cannot believe you just said that

in front of all these people.

Did I win?

What the--?

Why don't you take a picture, homo?

Stop messing with my buzz!

This shocking footage was recorded

by a witness earlier today.

Be warned,

the images here are disturbing.

How you feeling?

Well, my vision's diagonal...

...I can't breathe

without thinking about it...

...I can hear

other people's thoughts...

...and it looks like

you're eating meat.

Other than that, tip-top shape.

Not only do I eat meat,

but I am now a porno star.

Parties are so full of self-discovery.

Moo-licious.

Being a mascot is a proud tradition.

You represent the honour

of Grizzly Lake High.

When you take off

that bear costume...

...you should walk like your body

is still covered in fur.

The video of your mammary gland...

...was viewed 20,000 times

on the Internet.

- YouTube?

- National Zoology.

- Can I throw up?

- It's also in the news.

Billy Nolan is killed

in the same video.

Who taught you how to make

a snuff porno? Lady Gaga?

Wait. Are you guys

accusing me of something?

Your nipple was exposed

for seven whole seconds.

Is that why two of my brightest

students were killed?

For seven seconds of video?

- Did you all watch it?

- I didn't.

Why not?

I am giving everybody implicated

as being anywhere near Billy Nolan...

...on that tape Saturday detention.

- Tomorrow?

- Tomorrow.

- Tomorrow is prom.

- This is murder.

And porn.

There's a killer in Grizzly Lake...

...who is affiliated

with people at my school.

Detention is in the library.

It goes from 10 am. to 10 pm.

That's right through prom.

I thought Saturday detention

was a myth.

So was ice-skater porn.

Riley, don't ever degrade yourself.

Don't let them make you think

that you're not valuable.

- Mr. Kendall--

- Respect your body.

This is just a big misunderstanding.

A wise man once said that we're all

a bunch of big misunderstandings.

His name was Deepak Chopra.

What difference does it make now?

I'm just...

I'm just a stupid porn star.

No, Riley.

You're a beautiful girl

whose voice just needs to be heard.

I'm a porn star.

Young.

Hot.

Porn.

We just need to take a moment...

...to look into each other's eyes

and centre our chakra.

You're looking for

something deeper.

Yeah. Yeah, I am. I like older guys.

Like age 36...

...or 39 or 35 or something.

Riley.

That's right.

There's always a new way

of looking at each other.

Okay, suspects.

Tell me who the killer is,

and I'll let you go home...

...and go to your little prom.

Taylor Fisher.

I don't believe you.

We have rights.

You can't lock us up without evidence.

This isn't jail.

It's detention.

Well, we can rule out Gord.

Canadians don't kill

outside their home country.

Yeah, well,

we can count Sander out too.

Nolan was chopped up with an axe.

Ever seen Sander try to swing a bat?

I was sick that day.

You have the arms of an anaemic

spider monkey. Definitely not you.

Well, Mimi probably

isn't the killer either.

Her only death comes

from a make-up kit.

We can take Toshiba off the list.

- Why?

- Because you're you.

And it's definitely not Claptonia.

Those two couldn't be apart

long enough to coordinate a killing.

That with lone

gnawing through boyfriends...

...like an unfed piranha

makes me think you're both innocent.

Thanks?

You've gone out with, what?

Five guys these past three years?

'90s makeover aside, you're not

reflexive enough to hold a grudge.

And crippling gimpitude

saves your ass.

Having a broken leg is for losers,

you idiot.

All right, then that settles it.

It's Toby T.

- Why is it me?

- Just fess up, Toby.

So I can get out of here, and won't

have to listen to this windbag.

- Take one for the team.

- You guys barely even know me.

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