Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days Page #6

I remember "The Muddy Hand"

from when I was a boy.

You can't beat the classics.

Okay! Bedtime, everyone.

Muddy hand!

Why'd you do that?

- Do what?

- Hit me in the hand with a mallet!

- Me?

- Yeah, you, with the mallet in your hand!

I can't stop making you mad at me.

If you...

Why am I mad?

Because I keep messing up.

Look, everybody messes up. Even me.

But I'm not afraid to admit it when I do.

Just go to sleep.

I hear at Spag Union, you have to call the

teachers "sir", even the ladies!

Did you see their tents?

They weren't even arranged in formation!

What a bunch of losers.

Come on, son.

A troop is only as good as its leader.

Any troop that would let Frank Heffley

be Assistant Troop Master

is bound to be weak.

There are two types of people in the world.

Predators...

and prey.

Frank Heffley is a wounded gazelle.

I'll show them what Heffleys can do.

Don't make things worse.

You'll end up at Spag Union for sure.

Only if we get caught. And I have a plan.

This is campsite 42.

This "X" is Stan Warren's tent.

We wait till they're not looking and

weave a web between these trees.

Then we make the web super-sticky.

Then we get some ants and put them

in their sleeping bags.

When they get into their bunks,

the ants will drive them crazy!

They'll come running out and get stuck in

the web like flies. Revenge will be ours.

What are you doing?

I've been ensnared by my own handiwork.

Here are the ants.

I'll signal you if anything happens.

Hoot-hoot! Hoot-hoot!

Come on.

A refrigerator? Ready-made meals?

A TV?

This isn't camping!

Hoot-hoot! Hoot-hoot!

Good-bye, Gregory. You will always

be remembered for your bravery.

Raccoons.

Okay.

Where are you?

Hey, little guy!

Daddy needs a new fur hat!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Who's there? Show yourself!

Someone from your troop

violated our campsite.

That was a thousand dollar tent!

Okay, what happened?

I did it.

Greg, no!

Dad.

It was my idea.

I can't let them take the fall for me.

We didn't mean to burn up the tent.

No, but...

we did.

Greg was only defending your honor!

Mr. Warren disrespected you.

He called you a wounded gazelle.

Your boy should be expelled.

He's a disgrace

to every Wilderness Explorer...

Shut up, Stan! Just shut up!

Hey, what is that?

A store-bought s'mores maker?

A TV?

Pre-tied knots?

Stan, you're a phony!

So much for the big camper.

I'm going to report this

to the Wilderness Committee.

We'll see who looks ridiculous then?

From what I hear,

Mr. Warren was completely abandoned

by his Wilderness Explorer troop.

These days, he runs a badminton league

for kindergarteners.

Let's get out of here.

I have a confession to make.

I hate camping.

I don't understand what's so great

about sleeping in a bag.

Like being in a bag isn't bad enough,

you have to lie in the dirt, too!

I know. It's crazy!

Beds were invented for a reason.

Yeah. And roofs. And walls.

And bathrooms.

Pizza delivery places.

Hey, look at me.

I'm not sending you to Spag Union.

You know what my grandpa used to say?

"A man who never made a mistake..."

"...never made anything."

The trick is...

to be responsible and learn

from your mistakes.

And you can do that.

You're a really great kid, Greg.

And I'm not just saying that because

we're a lot alike.

Comic strip fans all over the country are

rejoicing at the news that the beloved...

Li'l Cutie will continue.

The son of cartoonist Bob Post

is taking over for his father...

and says he is looking forward to

continuing Li'l Cutie's adventures

for generations to come.

- It can't be happening!

- We'll never get rid of that garbage!

Oh, golly.

I have to say, I didn't expect the

Wilderness weekend to work out so well.

Now all I have to worry about is getting

through Lded Diper's gig

without looking like an idiot.

You're on in 30 minutes.

Relax! My brother was working on the

pyrotechnics all day, it's gonna kick butt.

Wait. What does your brother do?

He's a demolition expert.

Leave the rocking to us, okay?

It's what we do.

Now get to work, roadies.

Is that supposed to be Heather?

Weird.

This is amazing!

There's even a chocolate fountain!

What are you doing?

You two are roadies.

Which means you're employees.

No chocolate fountain for employees.

These guys are my friends.

Holly.

You've managed to take

my Sweet Sixteen...

and make it all about you.

- So selfish!

- So selfish!

Listen, midgets, the only reason you're

here is 'cause I was forced to invite you.

So stay out of my eye-line! Comprende?

She's into drama.

She's like Rodrick in a dress!

Is your brother's band all set up?

I'm really looking forward

to their performance.

It was your grandmother's.

So it's, like, used?

Ben!

I need to make a love connection with

Heather. I want to sing lead vocals.

But I don't know how to play drums.

Dude, two words, fast and loud.

Especially loud.

Oh my signal, press that red button, okay?

Shoo! Move, move!

This song goes out

to a very special little lady.

Heather Hills...

this one's for you.

Why aren't they in tuxes?

They were supposed to wear tuxes!

It's her favorite song.

I need to dazzle her.

Crank it up Full Diper!

Hit that button!

No. No!

I'm going to kill you!

So, Heather... you're a pretty cool chick.

Maybe I could call you next week

and we could hang?

Go for it.

I'm really sorry.

Don't be. This is awesome!

She wanted people to remember

her Sweet Sixteen.

People will definitely remember this.

Okay, so...

the summer didn't go exactly as planned,

but in the end, it all worked out okay.

Rowley and Holly came to the municipal

pool as my guests.

Hey! Who's hungry?

All in all, this might go down

as the best summer ever.

As for my dad, we may not see eye to eye

on everything...

but we work as a team.

Sweetie, not the roast again!

- Drop it!

- Bad dog!

- Good dog!

- Good Sweetie!

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