Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules Page #5

I think I might have

brought too much stuff.

Let's see how many views our video's got.

It's got to be thousands.

Maybe millions!

Four? We only got

four lousy hits?

Greg, I can't lie to your parents

about the party. I never lie.

Joshie says

a lie hurts everyone.

Guess who wanted to join

the big boy sleepover!

Bubby, Rowley!

Mom, no,

he'll ruin it!

He just wanted to come in and

say hi to Rowley. All right?

And Rowley's mother brought

over some healthy snacks

and DVDs that she thought were appropriate.

Enjoy your

granola bars, boys.

Andy's Magic Cushion.

Let's start with that.

Or should

we watch The Foot?

What if she comes back in

and asks about the party?

You need to relax.

How about a healthy snack?

We shouldn't be here.

We can't just let ourselves into a stranger's home.

The place is empty.

Nobody's going to mind.

Oh.

Look at his face.

What happened to his foot?

It sounded like someone was hopping.

I'm telling you, it's nothing.

It's just your imagination.

Did you just kick me?

You know, you really need

to cut your toenails.

What was that?

Turn it off! Turn it off!

Okay! Only 'cause you're scared!

Let's just go to sleep.

I wish we had watched Andy's Magic Cushion.

I love this movie, Frank.

Don't you just love this movie?

He picked the housekeeper

over the supermodel?

I know.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

It's got me! The foot has got me!

Greg, is there something you want

to say to Rowley and his father?

I'm sorry for choosing an

inappropriate movie for the sleepover.

At least nobody

got hurt this time.

I'm a little birdy.

I'm a little birdy!

My knee bone!

What?

Mommy, look!

Mommy is looking! Mommy's

looked a thousand times!

Mommy just needs to go to the

potty for one minute, okay?

No! No!

What the heck?

Where's the lock?

Wait.

Rodrick, could

you come here, please?

What happened

to the lock?

I don't know what

you're talking about.

There was a lock

on this door.

Um...

I don't think so.

Rodrick, I've lived in

this house for 10 years.

I've locked that door

10,000 times

because sometimes it's my only

moment of privacy of the day.

I know there was

a lock on that door.

There wasn't.

Trust me.

Greg has walked in

on me a million times.

And if there was a lock,

I would use it.

In fact, maybe

you should put one on.

So that's your story.

There was never a lock and you

have no idea what I'm talking about.

Yes.

Fine. I'll just go ask

your brother the same thing.

Greg? Two words.

Bathroom door.

It was Rodrick! He made

me! It was his idea!

He had the party! Someone wrote on

the door, so we had to change it!

I knew it. I knew it.

No, Mom, wait! I was

exaggerating a little bit!

It wasn't a party!

It was a band rehearsal

for the talent show!

That's all it was!

We said nobody could come

over. He knew the rules.

Yeah, but, Mom,

if you punish him,

Rodrick's gonna know

I told on him.

We really had a good time this

weekend. But if you do this,

Rodrick and I will never,

ever be friends again.

The idea that one day my kids won't

get to know their Uncle Rodrick?

Or have any

family holidays?

You two really have been getting

along better this week, haven't you?

Yeah. We really have.

Okay, if...

If I let this slide,

and be our little secret

for the sake of the family,

and for your relationship

with your brother,

do you swear to be on your

best behavior and get along?

I swear. I swear.

Okay.

You didn't buckle.

Deny, deny,

deny, right?

You know...

You may not be half as lame

as I thought you were.

I couldn't believe it!

Rodrick was actually

trying to be nice to me.

Wow! You're a Mom Bucks millionaire!

Where'd you get these?

Thrift shops.

There's enough in here

to last me until I'm 30.

It's about time, little bro, that

you learn the secrets to an easy life.

Rule number one, don't be good at something

you don't want to do.

Guys!

Use clean rags, not...

Just give me that!

I'll do it myself.

Rule number two, always lower

Mom and Dad's expectations.

Hey, I took

a math test today

and I'm pretty sure

I flunked it.

Oh, Greg!

But I got it back,

and look!

I got a C minus.

Well, at least

you didn't fail.

Rule number three,

never do something

when someone else

can do it for you.

"100 Years Ago." I

remember that assignment.

Why write a new one

when there's

a perfectly good paper

already written

by your brother?

Isn't that cheating?

Isn't Mr. Draybick

cheating

by handing out the same

assignment every year?

New binder.

Teachers dig binders.

The thing was,

Rodrick had managed

to get my dad to do

all his homework

for the past five years.

Which one's

the space bar again?

Just let me do it,

okay? Okay.

I would never actually hand

in a paper Rodrick wrote.

But my dad?

That's a different story.

So that's just three of the

things Rodrick has taught me.

He has a lot

of cool tips.

I'm not sure Rodrick's tips

are really that cool.

Okay, so the invisible

Chirag joke is still going,

and the whole school

is in on it.

But it looks like Chirag's

discovered our weakness.

Hello, Greg, Rowley.

Still pretending I'm invisible, I presume.

I don't know if I can do this.

Stay strong.

What is this?

A corn dog.

Rowley's all-time favorite lunch delicacy.

If you say you can see me, Rowley, it is all yours.

Mmm. Smell that buttermilk batter.

You got him, Chirag!

Resist it!

Don't do it, Rowley!

Hey, everyone! Look, there's a floating corn dog!

I don't want to get ahead

of myself or anything,

but I think I may have Class Clown

in the bag for dreaming this one up.

In conclusion, without last

century's technological advances,

there would be no computers, cell

phones, or modern medical miracles.

And so for that, we salute

and thank our ancestors

from 100 years ago.

Thank you, Holly, that was an excellent work!

Now I think we have time

for one more.

I have to say that when I read this paper,

I was a bit surprised by its content.

But more than any other, this

one deserves to be read out loud.

Greg?

Yay, Greg!

Just read it, Greg.

All of it.

Okay.

"Sometimes I sit and wonder

about stuff I do not know

like what the Eart

was like 100 years ago.

Did cavemen ride on dinosaurs?

Did flowers even grow?

Did spiders rule the Earth?

Were deserts filled with snow?

There were no books or

humans, so how were we to know

what life was like 100 years ago?"

Loser.

Now, Greg, when we talk about

how important it is to recycle,

we don't mean turning in

your brother's old papers.

I thought Dad helped you with this paper!

Well, actually,

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