Dick

---

In 1974, President Richard Nixon

resigned in disgrace...

...amid the Watergate scandal.

One of the mysteries

of the 20th century...

...pertains to the identity

of Deep Throat...

...the inside source who leaked the

information to The Washington Post.

Who is Deep Throat?

Tonight, my guests will

answer that question.

Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein...

...Post reporters who broke

the story so many years ago.

- Nice to have you here.

- Thank you for having us.

Let's just get right to it.

Who is...

...Deep Throat?

Well, first of all,

we're not telling you.

Second, I was under the impression

that I would be the only guest tonight.

Well, I guess you're not, Bob.

You know, you guys

are getting pretty old now.

So what's your point?

I'm wondering, are you ever

going to tell anybody...

...who Deep Throat is...

...before you die?

Well, a lot bigger names than you...

...have asked us

who Deep Throat is, so...

I don't think we'd reveal it

on a little show like this.

You know what I think?

I mean, I'm just gonna

come right out and say it.

I don't think there is a Deep Throat.

I think you made it up.

- Yes, there is. Deep Throat is...

- Don't say it! He's trying to trick us!

I'm sorry, Bob.

Don't ever touch me.

- Bob, I said I'm sorry.

- Don't ever...

You smell like cabbage.

Oh, fudge!

Dear Bobby:

I'm having so much fun already.

I need you to concentrate.

- Dear Bobby:

- Hold on, hold on.

- Here's the number one reason...

- Wait.

Arlene, I need to have time

to review my letters.

- We have a deadline, Betsy.

- I know.

But I need to concentrate.

Let me just look at them.

Okay. Dear Bobby:

Here's the number one reason

that I think...

Okay, I'm ready.

"A."

Dear Bobby:

Here's the number one reason that

I think that you should choose me...

...Arlene Lorenzo...

...for the "Win A Date

With Bobby Sherman" contest...

...in Tiger Beat magazine.

- Hold on. Wait.

Number one:
I love you.

And number two:

I just think you're cute.

B, B. Oh, my God,

they're both together.

But the main reason that I think

you should pick me, Arlene Lorenzo...

...is because we're soul mates, Bobby.

You are so brilliant, Arlene.

So what do we have so far?

"Dear Bobb...

...y:
"

I think maybe I could type

faster than you.

Four more years!

Four more years!

- What are you looking at?

- Nothing.

You seem pretty interested in nothing.

Give me those.

I'll take the one doing cartwheels.

What time is it?

Sh*t!

The gemstone is glistening.

The gemstone is glistening.

She's finally asleep!

The deadline to enter the contest

is midnight. We have to hurry.

We have to mail this letter. Go...

...so I can win,

or I swear I'll die.

- Evening, Mr. Whipple.

- Evening.

Don't squeeze the Charmin.

- Hi, Dad.

- Hi, Georgie.

- Can I carry the Charmin?

- Yep, but no squeezing.

What did you do in the store today?

You should've seen it.

There I was, and these two ladies

were squeezing the Charmin.

This way, we can get back in

without having to go to the lobby.

So nobody'll ever see us

and tell my mom.

You're a genius!

Down, down!

It's Fat Freddy.

That is so disgusting.

Go, go, go!

What the...?

Oh, sh*t!

Max, call the cops.

Looks like we got a break-in here.

You know why I love Bobby?

Because he cares about people,

but also about nature and ecology.

I need a status report.

Give me a 20 for gemstone. Over.

Jewel thieves!

Really?

Hold it!

Get away from us!

Young people running wild

in the middle of the night.

By the time you're grown, you'll be

living in the Soviet Union of America!

She's still out like a light.

We have the suspects in custody!

It was a jewel heist.

See if you can get

any statements from them.

Arlene?

Betsy?

What are you two doing up at this hour?

Nothing.

Last night, five men were arrested

in the Democratic Committee office...

...during an attempted burglary

at the Watergate complex.

It has been confirmed...

...that one of the arrested was

formerly an employee of the CIA.

Aren't you students excited...

...about visiting the home of

the President and the first family?

Well, not really.

And after our tour,

we're having lunch at McDonald's.

I love McDonald's so much!

French fries! French fries!

He looks like he's wearing blush.

That guy has T.P. Stuck to his shoe.

Hey, mister!

- Hey, you!

- Shorty, turn around.

Young lady, I am a very busy man.

Wait a minute, I know you.

Me too. But from where?

I don't know.

Do you sell corn dogs at the mall?

As far as you're concerned,

I have no identity at all.

As a matter of fact...

...I'm not even here.

He's way weirder than the corn-dog guy.

And this isn't T.P.

It's a piece of paper with names

and amounts of money on it.

"CREEP list"?

I guess all the people

on that list must be creeps.

Souvenir.

Let's go.

Jesus, Gordon, they're just

little girls.

They were in the Watergate last night.

They know too much, Bob.

I want to interrogate them.

I think you've done enough,

what with bumbling the burglary and all.

Just pay off all your guys

on that CREEP list.

Don't worry about that.

I've got that right here.

G. Gordon Liddy isn't going to let down

the President of the United States.

Would you ladies like to see

the west wing of the White House?

Sorry.

This is fun.

Look at that b...

Ladies...

...when you think of your President...

...do you think...

...friendly thoughts?

I don't think about him that much.

But when you do...

...you don't think...

...unfriendly thoughts, do you?

So you would never want

to do anything that might...

...hurt...

...the President?

Never. No.

Because you see...

Excuse me, Mr. Haldeman.

It's your wife.

She says it's rather urgent.

Excuse me, ladies.

Hello, dear.

Just putting out a little fire here.

I can stop by the store

on the way home.

A dozen? The poppy kind.

I'll tell you the problem.

The dog doesn't like me.

Kennedy and Johnson had dogs

that liked them. That's the problem.

Mr. President, maybe you should

show the dog more affection.

Maybe I ought to fire you!

Come on, boy.

Looks away. Doesn't look at me.

What'd I do to him? Nothing.

You're supposed to love me, Checkers.

Shouldn't you call him

King Timahoe, sir?

Come here.

Where's he going?

No, I am not uptight.

When did you start

talking like that, anyway?

What's going on in here?

Mr. President, if I may.

Look how cute you are.

Come here.

It's the President.

I mean, all I asked for

was a simple bugging, all right?

I don't know how many times

we've done that.

And here they go and screw it up.

Hi, puppy. Nice puppy!

Nice puppy!

Have you paid them off yet?

CREEP has made up

a list of who to pay off...

...and Liddy's taking care of it now.

Are you the President's dog trainer?

I'm John Dean,

Chief White House Counsel.

That's too bad.

Oh, thank you!

That one lives in the Watergate.

They were there

the night of the break-in.

Do they know anything?

I love your ears.

Look at the ears!

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