Dick Page #2

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Sir, I've met yams with more going

on upstairs than those two.

Now, Bob.

I remember when...

...when Julie...

...and what's her name, Tricia...

...were that age.

If it wasn't about makeup or

Frankie Avalon, they didn't give a hoot.

- You're the softest dog.

- What should I do with them?

I'll take care of it.

How're you doing, young ladies?

What are your names?

I'm Betsy and this is Arlene,

Mr. President.

Call me Dick.

Hi, Dick.

How old are you?

Fifteen.

We have an urgent communiqu

from Anderson Air Force Base.

What?

So cute.

Excuse me, I wasn't informed

that you are in the middle of...

What are you in the middle of?

One minute, Henry.

Young ladies...

...I've got a proposition for you.

How would you two

be interested in being...

...official White House dog walkers?

What do you think?

Really?

Jesus!

Who are these little girls?

I don't know, but it doesn't

look constitutional to me.

Thank you!

- Thank you so much.

- We're gonna walk you!

- I'm so happy.

- Thank you. I'm really excited!

Sure. Very good.

Mr. President, really,

we have to make a decision...

...regarding offensive action

north of the 22nd parallel.

Bottom line, Henry...

...is we bomb them

or we don't, isn't it?

I wouldn't put it exactly in that...

I have something to say.

Go on, Arlene.

War is not healthy for children

and other living things.

Henry, that's the voice

of the youth of America.

Yeah, well, first of all...

...it wasn't a war

that this administration started.

Henry, Jesus, let's not start that.

Isn't there somebody

waiting out there for me?

The Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Let's go!

Welcome on board.

Hey, good to have you.

Mr. Haldeman, it's your wife.

Have a great day. Congratulations!

I don't have time to talk to her.

- You're starting another war!

- I don't have time to talk to her.

If you have a problem with Vietnam,

talk to Johnson.

- He's dead!

- Yeah, thank God.

Do we bomb or not bomb?

Let's get this done with today.

There they are.

I'm sorry!

We're coming!

Because of your thoughtlessness...

...we have missed the field trip lunch

at McDonald's...

...which the students on

the other buses are now enjoying.

We will return to school...

...for a cold lunch...

...in the cafeteria.

But we really did meet the President.

I swear to God.

And he did ask us to be

the official White House dog walkers.

Every lie is another brick...

...in the pathway to hell.

You're so stupid.

I hate you.

Guess what happened to us today!

What's the matter?

Your brother got his letter.

I got drafted.

Now you can get my room,

like you always wanted.

Betsy, are you okay?

I'm fine.

I was wondering what we'll do with

his crappy bed, dresser and nightstand.

You think the President meant it

when he said we could walk Checkers?

You think the President meant it

when he said we could walk Checkers?

He's the President, Betsy.

He always means what he says.

We should bake him cookies.

Let's make Hello Dollies.

It's my mom's special recipe.

All's my mom says is that my dad died

in a car crash before I was born.

You've never seen

a single picture or anything?

She said it upset her too much,

so she threw everything away.

No offense, but it's obvious

you're being lied to.

The whole story is way too convenient.

Is the butter melting?

Are you making those cookies?

Yes, but you can't have any.

They're for the President.

Don't forget the walnuts, man.

So you really think

that my father could be alive?

Alive and famous.

It makes perfect sense.

He was probably married...

...and your mom had to keep it

a secret to protect his reputation.

How come there's little

green leaves in the walnuts?

Larry says they're just

from the walnut tree.

Anyway...

...your dad could be watching you now,

his heart breaking...

...because he can't reach out

to the only person that matters to him:

His beautiful, darling daughter.

My life is so tragic.

Or it could be even worse.

What if you fall in love

and are about to marry...

...and you find out your

fianc's dad is your dad too...

...and that you're brother and sister!

Oh, my God!

It's called incest, Arlene...

...and it's against the law.

We're here to play with Checkers.

The President knows about it.

You're not on the appointment list.

Please step back.

The President wants us

to walk his dog, Checkers.

Please step back.

If you don't comply, you'll be removed.

You are a meanie!

Stupid kids.

I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!

I can't believe

I ate that whole thing.

You ate it, Ralph.

Doesn't anybody realize

that Kung Fu isn't Chinese?

He doesn't even look Chinese.

He looks like the mailman.

Why don't you go to Canada

like Mom says?

Too much information's coming in.

I have to maintain.

But the old drugs aren't working.

We need to create new drugs.

Have you guys

been eating those cookies?

We gave them to Mom and Dad to taste.

They ate all of them

and started giggling and went upstairs.

I think they're having sex now.

I have an idea.

What?

Let's ask the President

to stop the war.

How will we get

into the White House?

Unless you wanna keep the war going,

so you can have Larry's room.

Larry's a freak and all...

...but I'd be sad if he, you know...

Died?

I really hope that this works.

Of course it will.

You're the smartest person I know.

But you don't know anybody.

If you flirt with him...

...then I can stand off to the side

and do my special whistle.

I like your hair.

It's really dry look.

Okay, stop that.

We have to talk to the President.

Code yellow, central corridor.

Code yellow, central corridor.

Oh, my God!

Ladies, this way.

Let's go.

Make sure photographers are

outside the restaurant...

...when I come out after lunch.

Hey, German guy!

Remember us?

We're here to walk Checkers

and talk to Dick about the war!

I know them.

Yes, that's all right.

That's okay.

I'm familiar with these young ladies.

Well, I'm not "familiar" familiar.

I know them.

We've had discussions

about foreign policy and...

What, what?

Don't you give me that look.

I'll take responsibility.

I'll be the only person

who's willing...

...to take responsibility

for anything.

- I think I got bruised.

- Did somebody hurt you?

You have to remember

it took Charles de Gaulle...

...four years to extricate

himself from Algeria.

Not that I'm comparing

myself to de Gaulle.

- Wars are extremely hard to stop.

- You're right.

Rose, these young...

You're very becoming this morning.

These ladies want

to see the President.

Our President has the weight

of the free world on his shoulders...

...and he doesn't have time

to see any old person.

Hello, girls.

How are you?

Come on in.

The President will see you now.

Not you, Henry.

That's all right.

I'm late for an interview anyway...

...with the Nobel Committee.

- Right.

I'll be a monkey's uncle...

...if these aren't

the yummiest cookies I've ever had.

Thanks. It's a secret recipe.

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