Dick Page #3
Secret, eh?
Anyway...
...there doesn't seem
to be any point to it.
Point to what?
The war.
See, girls...
...we're fighting the Communists
because Communism is immoral.
That's the whole point.
Don't you think it's more important
what's going on here?
What do you mean?
Well, I mean...
...nobody at our school's
worried about Communism...
...but everybody talks about Mac
Washington because he got killed there.
- And Betsy's brother just got drafted.
- He's maintaining.
He's maintaining?
Good for him.
I think people would like you
better if you stopped the war.
Well, don't worry your
pretty little heads. Okay?
I think we know what we're doing.
I guess so.
Can we walk Checkers now?
Yeah, go ahead. Have a ball.
Secret recipe, eh?
I'm feeling lightheaded.
These are scrumptious.
I've gotta tell you,
I haven't felt this way in...
Again? They must never let him out.
I know. Would you look
at all that sh*t?
Oh, I mean, poo-poo.
I think it was left.
That's because you couldn't go right.
Well, let's ask someone.
Or not.
Come on.
Let's go, Checkers. Come on.
Who the hell are you?
We're walking the dog, Checkers,
and we sort of got lost.
We went left because
you couldn't go right.
And we're looking
for the President's office...
...because that's who
we walk the dog for.
We're really sorry.
Sh*t!
Oh, I'm so sorry.
- We brought your dog back.
- We didn't know!
What in bejesus is going on?
All right, settle down.
What's going on, Bob?
They walked in on the shredding.
They actually saw
documents being shredded?
And the cash for the payoffs.
Checkers pooped.
The President's dog doesn't poop.
He "does his business."
I'll take care of it.
I've got a way with young people.
They trust me.
Why were they shredding all that paper?
Papier-mach is a hobby of mine.
Nice painting of a boat.
Step right here, actually.
I want to have a little
private chat with you.
You know, today...
...you ladies gave me some very, very
good counsel in foreign affairs.
So in addition to being
official dog walkers...
...I'd like you to be
my Secret Youth Advisers.
Which means you mustn't
say a thing...
...about anything that happens
in the White House.
Do I have your word on that?
Swear to God?
- Promise.
- Hope to die?
Stick a needle in my eye!
Congratulations.
Are you sure, man?
Are we sure it's over?
Honey...
...it's the President.
He's on national TV.
If he says the war is over,
I think you can believe him.
Sweetie.
At 12.30 Paris-time today...
...January 23, 1973...
What's going on?
I'm gonna live.
They're pulling everybody out
of Vietnam. The war's over.
I don't believe it.
She's bumming...
...because her dreams
of being an only child are dashed.
Larry, stop it.
I'm not supposed to tell you this.
But Arlene and I are the ones who asked
the President to stop the war.
We did it because
we felt sorry for you.
You should be thanking me.
I just want you to know...
...whatever she's on,
I didn't give it to her.
Well, all right.
Grooving right along.
Betsy Jobs, your turn
to come on up and express yourself.
Current events.
I probably shouldn't be telling you
this because of national security...
...but what the heck.
Arlene Lorenzo and I...
...are Secret Youth Advisers
for President Nixon.
"...in addition to being
the official White House dog walkers.
It's fun being
a Secret Youth Adviser.
The President trusts us
with national issues."
We bake him cookies
called Hello Dollies...
...that he loves
and are easy to make.
You get graham cracker crumbs,
sweetened condensed milk...
...and all this other stuff,
and you bake them.
But they're really good.
"I like being a Secret Youth Adviser
to the President...
...because it means I am helping
to run the country. The end."
How dare you...
...come up in front of the class...
...and make up lies
about our President?
Absolutely wild.
And I really dug the way
you used fantasy...
...current events...
...and cooking in a kind
of tapestry of storytelling.
Thank you, Betsy.
That was real special.
Thank you. Give her a hand.
Thank you. Thanks.
Got the cookies?
I've been dreaming about these.
What's that mean?
Peace.
Good.
I mean...
...groovy.
Come on, Checkers.
There's something different about you.
Why aren't you wearing your glasses?
Because I got contact lenses.
- Looks cool!
- Thanks!
Hi, Rose.
It is imperative
that we put a freeze...
...on nuclear weapons
of mass destruction.
Yeah, I know what nyet, nyet means.
Excuse me a moment, Leonid.
Settle down, Checkers.
Hello, girls. How are you?
Are these what I think they are?
Nice to see you.
You gotta try one of these cookies.
I assure you, there's nothing
like them in all the Soviet Union.
Go ahead.
They're called Hello Dollies.
What are they?
What do you think, Leonid?
Hello Dollies, eh?
Hello, Dolly
Well, hello, Dolly
It's so nice to have you back
Where you belong
Sing something.
You're looking swell, Dolly
I can tell, Dolly
You're still glowing
You're still growing
You're still going strong
You know, girls...
...I think your cookies
have just saved the world...
...from nuclear catastrophe.
There you go, Leonid.
Hello, Dolly.
Golly gee, fellas
I'll have another of those
Come away with me.
But what about Pat?
She understands.
Arlene, watch out!
Oh, my God!
Are you all right?
Quick, tell me what your name is!
Rhoda Morgenstern.
I am so embarrassed.
- I don't think anyone saw.
- Freak!
Has something been
on your mind lately?
There isn't some deep feeling...
...you need to confess
to your best and only friend?
What are you talking about?
- Just say it!
- Say what?
Just say it, because I already know!
All right, I love Dick!
This is everything about him and us
since we first met.
Here's me as his wife.
- It looks so real.
- Thank you.
- This is cartoon Dick.
- It's cute. I like that one.
This is our White House souvenir.
Look, I found these
old magazine clippings...
...with stuff about him
when he was young.
Look.
He's way more distinguished now.
A jury today convicted
G. Gordon Liddy and James McCord...
...of eight counts, including burglary,
in the Watergate break-in.
Enough already.
I am sick of Watergate.
And I am sick
of Woodward and Bernstein.
Who are they?
Snot-nosed
Washington Post reporters...
...who are trying
to disgrace the President.
Anybody want some more Jell-O?
Yes, please. Here.
Betsy, look.
One more question, Mr. Liddy.
- The White House denied involvement.
- He's so familiar.
It's that weird guy!
- What was he doing at the White House?
- I don't know.
Done! We're going upstairs.
A spokesman for
the administration once again...
...denied any participation
in the Watergate burglary.
President Nixon is said to be
in seclusion with advisers.
It's starting.
Goddamn it!
Mr. President, this is Arlene.
- Hello, Arlene.
- I'm not waking you, am I?
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