Dick Page #3

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Secret, eh?

Anyway...

...there doesn't seem

to be any point to it.

Point to what?

The war.

See, girls...

...we're fighting the Communists

because Communism is immoral.

That's the whole point.

Don't you think it's more important

what's going on here?

What do you mean?

Well, I mean...

...nobody at our school's

worried about Communism...

...but everybody talks about Mac

Washington because he got killed there.

- And Betsy's brother just got drafted.

- He's maintaining.

He's maintaining?

Good for him.

I think people would like you

better if you stopped the war.

Well, don't worry your

pretty little heads. Okay?

I think we know what we're doing.

I guess so.

Can we walk Checkers now?

Yeah, go ahead. Have a ball.

Secret recipe, eh?

I'm feeling lightheaded.

These are scrumptious.

I've gotta tell you,

I haven't felt this way in...

Again? They must never let him out.

I know. Would you look

at all that sh*t?

Oh, I mean, poo-poo.

I think it was left.

That's because you couldn't go right.

Well, let's ask someone.

Or not.

Come on.

Let's go, Checkers. Come on.

Who the hell are you?

We're walking the dog, Checkers,

and we sort of got lost.

We went left because

you couldn't go right.

And we're looking

for the President's office...

...because that's who

we walk the dog for.

We're really sorry.

Sh*t!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

- We brought your dog back.

- We didn't know!

What in bejesus is going on?

All right, settle down.

What's going on, Bob?

They walked in on the shredding.

They actually saw

documents being shredded?

And the cash for the payoffs.

Checkers pooped.

The President's dog doesn't poop.

He "does his business."

I'll take care of it.

I've got a way with young people.

They trust me.

Why were they shredding all that paper?

Papier-mach is a hobby of mine.

Nice painting of a boat.

Step right here, actually.

I want to have a little

private chat with you.

You know, today...

...you ladies gave me some very, very

good counsel in foreign affairs.

So in addition to being

official dog walkers...

...I'd like you to be

my Secret Youth Advisers.

Which means you mustn't

say a thing...

...about anything that happens

in the White House.

Do I have your word on that?

Swear to God?

- Promise.

- Hope to die?

Stick a needle in my eye!

Congratulations.

Are you sure, man?

Are we sure it's over?

Honey...

...it's the President.

He's on national TV.

If he says the war is over,

I think you can believe him.

Sweetie.

At 12.30 Paris-time today...

...January 23, 1973...

What's going on?

I'm gonna live.

They're pulling everybody out

of Vietnam. The war's over.

I don't believe it.

She's bumming...

...because her dreams

of being an only child are dashed.

Larry, stop it.

I'm not supposed to tell you this.

But Arlene and I are the ones who asked

the President to stop the war.

We did it because

we felt sorry for you.

You should be thanking me.

I just want you to know...

...whatever she's on,

I didn't give it to her.

Well, all right.

Grooving right along.

Betsy Jobs, your turn

to come on up and express yourself.

Current events.

I probably shouldn't be telling you

this because of national security...

...but what the heck.

Arlene Lorenzo and I...

...are Secret Youth Advisers

for President Nixon.

"...in addition to being

the official White House dog walkers.

It's fun being

a Secret Youth Adviser.

The President trusts us

with national issues."

We bake him cookies

called Hello Dollies...

...that he loves

and are easy to make.

You get graham cracker crumbs,

sweetened condensed milk...

...and all this other stuff,

and you bake them.

But they're really good.

"I like being a Secret Youth Adviser

to the President...

...because it means I am helping

to run the country. The end."

How dare you...

...come up in front of the class...

...and make up lies

about our President?

Absolutely wild.

And I really dug the way

you used fantasy...

...current events...

...and cooking in a kind

of tapestry of storytelling.

Thank you, Betsy.

That was real special.

Thank you. Give her a hand.

Thank you. Thanks.

Got the cookies?

I've been dreaming about these.

What's that mean?

Peace.

Good.

I mean...

...groovy.

Come on, Checkers.

There's something different about you.

Why aren't you wearing your glasses?

Because I got contact lenses.

- Looks cool!

- Thanks!

Hi, Rose.

It is imperative

that we put a freeze...

...on nuclear weapons

of mass destruction.

Yeah, I know what nyet, nyet means.

Excuse me a moment, Leonid.

Settle down, Checkers.

Hello, girls. How are you?

Are these what I think they are?

Nice to see you.

You gotta try one of these cookies.

I assure you, there's nothing

like them in all the Soviet Union.

Go ahead.

They're called Hello Dollies.

What are they?

What do you think, Leonid?

Hello Dollies, eh?

Hello, Dolly

Well, hello, Dolly

It's so nice to have you back

Where you belong

Sing something.

You're looking swell, Dolly

I can tell, Dolly

You're still glowing

You're still growing

You're still going strong

You know, girls...

...I think your cookies

have just saved the world...

...from nuclear catastrophe.

There you go, Leonid.

Hello, Dolly.

Golly gee, fellas

I'll have another of those

Come away with me.

But what about Pat?

She understands.

Arlene, watch out!

Oh, my God!

Are you all right?

Quick, tell me what your name is!

Rhoda Morgenstern.

I am so embarrassed.

- I don't think anyone saw.

- Freak!

Has something been

on your mind lately?

There isn't some deep feeling...

...you need to confess

to your best and only friend?

What are you talking about?

- Just say it!

- Say what?

Just say it, because I already know!

All right, I love Dick!

This is everything about him and us

since we first met.

Here's me as his wife.

- It looks so real.

- Thank you.

- This is cartoon Dick.

- It's cute. I like that one.

This is our White House souvenir.

Look, I found these

old magazine clippings...

...with stuff about him

when he was young.

Look.

He's way more distinguished now.

A jury today convicted

G. Gordon Liddy and James McCord...

...of eight counts, including burglary,

in the Watergate break-in.

Enough already.

I am sick of Watergate.

And I am sick

of Woodward and Bernstein.

Who are they?

Snot-nosed

Washington Post reporters...

...who are trying

to disgrace the President.

Anybody want some more Jell-O?

Yes, please. Here.

Betsy, look.

One more question, Mr. Liddy.

- The White House denied involvement.

- He's so familiar.

It's that weird guy!

- What was he doing at the White House?

- I don't know.

Done! We're going upstairs.

A spokesman for

the administration once again...

...denied any participation

in the Watergate burglary.

President Nixon is said to be

in seclusion with advisers.

It's starting.

Goddamn it!

Mr. President, this is Arlene.

- Hello, Arlene.

- I'm not waking you, am I?

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