Dirty Laundry

[Helicopter Whirring]

[Birds Chirping]

So I ain't sure if it's

the right thing to do...

but I was hoping you would help

me out just this one last time.

[Woman]

Boy, where you at?

I'll be back later.

I promise.

Dang it. I ain't never

gonna get this right.

Come on, boy. Let's go.

Hurry up.

Sorry I'm late. I was moving as fast as I could.

Come on. Get in. Get in.

[Man Narrating] I suppose any great novel

should start at the beginning.

In this case, the beginning

would be hard to determine.

Does a story start with the introduction

of the main character?

Or maybe it begins with the origin

of the central conflict.

In any case, here's my great American story

and the way it starts.

Perfect.

[Typing]

[Man]

My God.

Hey, excuse me?

Could you please turn

on the air conditioner?

- Don't work.

- Oh, that's not good.

- Some chicken?

- Uh, no, thank you.

- Egg?

- No.

I hope we, uh,

make it with no problem.

Got me a sour stomach.

Used to think it was

that acid reflux...

or, you know, too many fried foods.

Tried all them antacids- Pepto-

Then I found out I had I.B.S.

That's a real condition too.

Oh, yes. I'd say it's

a real bad condition.

Lookee here, lookee here.

Whoa. Uh, excuse me, sir.

Do you really think that's a good idea?

Hold on, young'un.

I know what I'm doing.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Chuckles]

There's all kinds of peppers.

You got red peppers

and bell peppers and...

you got jalapeno peppers

and banana peppers.

Banana peppers. I'm telling you.

More peppers than you can shake a stick at.

Oh, yeah.

Whoo!

Whoo!

[Laughs]

That's what I'm talkin'

about right there.

Mmm-mmm.

And then you got your pepper steak.

That's not a real pepper,

but that's just steak with peppers on it.

Oh, boy.

Yep. There you go.

Davis house.

Here. Take these in.

Tell her I'll pick 'em up on Saturday.

- Okay, Mr. Percy.

- Thank you, Gabriel.

Here. I'll take these.

[Woman Singing, Indistinct]

Do you know that boy?

Small town.

Everybody knows everybody.

- Huh.

- Welcome home, boy.

[Singing Ends]

Hello! Hello!

- Ugh.

- [Woman] Gabriel, is that you?

Wow.

Oh, my God. Sheldon.

Sheldon!

[Both Laughing]

Look at you!

Oh, my God!

Dear Lord, look- look at you!

- Look at you.

- Oh, this is great.

Not quite.

Oh. Hey, little man, how you doing?

- Good.

- Good.

Oh, Sheldon, it's been so long.

Jackie, where's Mom?

All right.

Okay. Come on.

- [Gabriel] Grandma! Grandma!

- Little man!

Oh, little man! Come give your grandma a hug!

Oh, look at my boy!

- How was your trip?

- Great! I took a plane and everything.

- You took a plane.

- Hello, Mother.

Oh, I knew you'd like that.

[Laughing]

Mama, it's Sheldon.

Ain't you gonna say something?

I'm so proud of you, baby.

I am.

You sent him on a plane...

by himself.

You sent him on a plane.

Boy, don't speak to me in that tone.

- Come on, baby.

- [Gabriel] Okay.

Come on. Let's go upstairs.

You can tell me all about your trip. Okay?

- So?

- So?

Well, what's going on?

Why would you send a young man

like that by himself?

He is a smart boy.

He can take care of hisself.

Looks to me like he did all right.

- What's wrong with you?

- Excuse me?

- What's wrong with you?

- What are you asking me, Sheldon?

Know what?

From now on, my name is Patrick.

Okay? Call me Patrick from now on.

You were born Sheldon.

Your name is Sheldon.

What in the world were you

thinking? Who is that kid?

He's a boy who needs

to know his daddy.

Excuse me?

I am not his daddy.

- You think you know everything.

- Well, I know that that kid is not my son!

Keep your voice down.

I don't want that child to hear you.

Well, he needs to know.

He needs to know how crazy his grandmother is.

Well, if I'm his crazy grandma,

then you are his daddy.

- Oh, God, this is insane!

- Huh!

Mama, I do not have a son.

Yes, you do.

It's not that this is-

this is impossible.

He is living and breathing right upstairs.

You can see that, can't you?

You and I know that I can't have a daughter,

a son, or anything like that.

Talk plain to me, Sheldon.

What you trying to tell me?

- Damn it!

- Damn it?

I told you, this is my house!

In my household, you let me-You are-

- Would you two stop this?

- Jackie, she's crazy!

I'm crazy enough to go upside your head

with this corn-bread pan!

You know what?

I don't even know why I came back here.

I don't know why

you came back either!

- Why did you start in with him?

- Hmm!

Yes. Departures.

Departures.

New York. New York.

You know, you-Agents.

Operator?

Hello. Hi. Yes. I need the first available

flight out to New York, please.

Hello? Hello?

- We don't get good reception out here.

- Oh, damn.

- I'm sorry, Sheldon.

- Hmm.

When Mama asked me for your information,

I thought she was just gonna reach out.

Reach out? Reach out like

the grim reaper reaches out.

Reach out like

the cold grip of death.

Sheldon, it's been a long time.

Mama's changed.

- [Scoffs]

- She's mellow.

- Oh, that was mellow?

- You just caught her off guard.

Come on, Sheldon. Give her a chance.

What have you got to lose?

Oh, my peace of mind,

my sanity, my soul.

- Sheldon.

- Ugh. She's evil, Jackie.

- She is not evil.

- [Scoffs]

Okay, maybe just a little bit.

Exactly.

Sheldon, just-

Can't you just talk to her?

- Talk about what?

- Gabriel, for one thing.

Okay, Jackie, I do not have a son.

You should talk to her.

Please?

Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa.

Whoa.

Uh, departures. No, no, no.

Operator. Operator.

[Footsteps Approaching]

An old man in a taxicab

dropped this off.

Oh. [Chuckles]

Yeah, Percy.

Light on the starch,

heavy on the perfume.

Just put it down over there.

Uh-

[Sighs]

You know, you work too hard.

Ain't nothing wrong with hard work.

Gotta pay the bills somehow.

You know, and that smoking

is really not good for you.

Mm-hmm.

Can we talk?

Yeah. Let's talk.

Whew. Jesus.

Sheldon, not in my house.

Okay. Mama, can you please

just call me Patrick?

Your name is Sheldon.

Your middle name might be Patrick,

but you were born Sheldon.

That's your father's name.

That's your name. Sheldon.

Okay, okay. Why don't we just go ahead

and skip the whole name thing...

and just take it step by step?

All right.

Let's get to steppin'.

- Tell me about Gabriel.

- Ain't nothing to tell.

That's your son.

You're his daddy.

Mama, don't you think

that I would know that?

The boy is 10 years old.

Now, 10 years ago, you must have

done something with somebody.

[Chuckling]

Christine.

That name ring a bell?

Christine? No, I don't

know any Christine.

Christine?

She was always coming around

here lookin' for you.

Fat girl,

standing at the backdoor...

always looking for a snack.

Oh. Yeah.

You're talking about Cookie.

Yeah. Cookie.

Oh, my God.

Oh. Cookie?

Yeah. Cookie.

Ow.

- You okay?

- No.

You need some water

or some lemonade?

Oh, he don't need no lemonade.

[Grunts]

- My chest is tight.

- I guess this qualifies as a special occasion.

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