Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Page #7

He took all my money. My mink,

my jewelry, my traveler's checks.

Even my little change purse.

What kind of a man would

do something like that?

And do you know what else?

I'm beginning to think

that he could walk.

That he pretended this whole thing

just to get to me and my money.

It was all my savings, the

prize money. Everything.

$50,000!

Janet, I told you I'd waive my fee.

It had already gotten

here. I had it in my purse.

What am I gonna say to my

father? Some of the money was his.

Arthur!

Yes, sir?

I want you to phone Andre and

tell him to find Officer Benson.

It seems he has stolen some

of Miss Colgate's property.

I shall be at the airport.

Janet, I am going to cover your losses.

You and your father will

get your $50,000 back,

and I am putting you on

the first plane out of here.

And this time, I will

make sure you are on it.

But you're not responsible.

How could you have known?

Any good psychiatrist would

have known he was a charlatan.

Come. In any case, it's

cheaper than a malpractice suit,

which I am sure you would win.

- I can't take your money.

- You can, and you will. Take it.

Janet, come on.

- You change planes in Paris.

- OK.

I don't feel good

about taking your money.

I feel good about it.

It has been so great to meet you, I...

If you're ever in

Cleveland, will you call me?

I will.

Goodbye.

Janet!

Have a good flight.

Thank you!

I can't take this. It

doesn't belong to me.

And I'll always have something

from you that means much more!

Bye!

Goodbye!

Monsieur Jamieson! I caught him at the

hotel, returning to the scene of the crime.

What crime? What is

this guy talking about?

Listen, Freddy. This time,

she really is on that plane.

- And you can't harm her again.

- What? You let her go? You gotta stop her!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hold it! Hold it!

Come back! Hey, hey, hey!

Hold it!

You idiot! You let her go!

I know, you slept with her, but you

didn't have to steal her money.

Steal her money? I didn't steal her money.

She stole from me.

All I know is, I'm about

to win the bet and she

says "Close the drapes."

So, I close the drapes.

Then she says, "Close the

door." So, I close the door.

Then she says, "Would

you mind taking a shower?"

So, I say "OK, I'll take a shower."

But, I come out, she's gone.

My clothes are gone,

my wallet is gone and

my watch is gone.

She even took the 2,000

francs she gave me!

Do you really expect me

to believe that when

she just returned the

$50,000 that I gave her?

- What $50,000?

- The $50,000 you stole from her.

I didn't steal $50,000 from her!

Hey, there's my clothes.

"Hello, boys. It was fun."

"I'll miss you. Love,

Janet. The Jackal."

"PS. I'm keeping the

money. Is that wrong?"

Of all the lousy...

She is disgusting!

She is lying! She is

deceitful! She is two-faced!

She is conniving and she is dishonest!

Yes.

Isn't she wonderful?

Arthur.

I'm sorry I broke your VHS player. I want

you to give me the make and model number.

As soon as I get settled,

I'm gonnna send you a check.

Oh, shut up.

Well, thanks for

letting me stay the extra week.

You know, I kind of had it figured

from the beginning.

"J," Janet. "J," Jackal.

If you think about it, it's obvious.

When do you think she was onto us?

From the beginning, Freddy.

She was onto us from the very beginning.

She was perfect.

So, uh... what

are you gonna do now?

Well, things are going to

be quiet around here now.

The season's over.

Autumn's coming.

I'll be shutting up part of the house.

Well...

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Freddy.

Wait a minute, everybody.

Wait a minute! Can you hang on?

Hold it, hold it, hold

it! Excuse me, hold it!

Excuse me! Excuse me.

Hello there, my darlings. There you are!

God,what a hike? What, are you

kidding me with this gravel?

These heels weren't made for this.

Hey! Hello! We made it. Could

youse get the bags up here pronto?

Yeah, thank you.

Now, first, intros.

Nikos. Nikos, get over here.

- Nikos, come here!

- All right, Paula.

Come on, everybody. I want you

to meet Mr. Big Stuff.

I was showing Nikos property in Florida.

He goes "If I'm gonna invest 16 million

bucks, I wanna do it someplace new."

I say "Like, where?" He goes

"How about Australia?"

And then it hits me. Boom!

Australia, what, are you kidding me?

We gotta go meet Mr.

Australia himself!, I say

He goes "Why not?" I go "Why not?"

- Pretty soon, the whole group goes...

- "Why not?"

So here we are.

So, Nikos Papandropolous,

I'd like you to meet the

favorite son of Australia,

Chips O'Toole.

Well, aren't you gonna say anything?

G'day, Nikos.

How's it goin', sport?

Good on ya, cobber.

Chips O'Toole. Hotels

and oil from down under.

Do you still have any of those

situations available in Sydney?

No, it's all gone, Paula.

Never mind, Nikos. People

drop out, don't they?

Anyway, come on up to the house.

We'll put couple of some shrimps

on the barbie for ya.

Hey, I almost forgot somebody!

Mr. Junior Partner. The

man Chips can't do without.

The whiz kid. Randy Bentwick.

Unfortunately, Randy is a mute.

All right, everybody get on

up to the house for a drink.

You wanna refresh those

cocktails, don't you?

The ice is melting. Hurry, hurry.

Go on up! Follow the

path around the house.

Keep going! That's it, keep going!

I'll be right up there.

Fellas, last year I made $3 million.

But your $50,000 was the most fun.

Are you ready?

Then let's go get 'em.

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