Disturbia Page #2

chicas calientes.

On Bikini Destinations,

Cabo San Lucas.

Police in Madison...

- More trash TV?

- No, it's news.

...15 miles west of Springdale

have released the first photo

of 33-year-old Patricia Williams,

who may be the victim of a kidnapping.

Family members reported Williams

missing yesterday

after repeated calls to her cell phone

went unanswered for three days.

You canceled my Xbox.

iTunes, too.

You know what else I'm canceling?

Maid service.

Look, Kale, I'm sorry you're a felon,

but this is not a vacation.

I have two open houses today.

I want you to clean up this room

and clean up the kitchen.

I'll do that.

Let me just check my schedule.

If you have any information

on the whereabouts

of Patricia Williams,

a special hotline number

has been set up at 1-800...

Isn't that a little overdramatic?

You don't think

I'm just gonna plug it back in?

Dramatic?

What are you gonna do now?

Are you crazy?

- Ma...

- That's dramatic.

Clean up your room.

Ronnie, you have no idea

how much this thing itches.

Plus, my mother transformed.

She's a dictator now,

like the warden from Shawshank.

And she took my Xbox.

And my iTunes are gone, right?

And I can't go anywhere.

I'm losing it. I'm losing my mind.

Just give me any information,

anything at all.

What's going on out there?

You gotta see these Oahu chicks.

The natives are ferocious.

This girl down by the pool,

she just taught me how

to say "Lauhala-lana. "

- What does that mean?

- I have no idea.

- I think it's a Hawaiian mating call.

- You're lying.

Who's that with you? Is that...

Do you work here?

I'm gonna have to call you back, okay?

No, no, don't do it. Ronnie. Ronnie.

- Ronnie! Ronnie!

- I've gotta go, bye.

Oh, yeah. Here we go.

Oh, yeah, there we go. Yeah.

Mary asked if I'd cover the hostess

stand a couple nights this week.

So, I could be kind of late.

Do you want to talk about anything?

I got nothing.

- I'm dropping this off in the garage.

- Oh, careful. Careful.

It's a priceless family heirloom.

I don't have time to explain it.

Put it downstairs.

Get the boxes out first.

Ashley, sweetie,

could you please come upstairs?

- Be nice to your mom today, okay?

- I am being very nice.

And we've got more stuff in the car,

so, you know, join in.

Yeah, I'm coming!

God.

Yeah?

Oh! Oh, sh*t.

No!

It's dog sh*t.

What a retard!

You little bastards.

Bet you think that's real funny, huh?

What are you gonna do?

Kill us, like you killed your teacher?

Not before I shove this sh*t and my foot

back up your asses.

Oh, crap!

Dude, you said

he couldn't leave his house.

He can't!

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

Turn green! Turn green!

Okay, here we are, back at home.

I'm good.

Turn green. Come on.

Come on! Turn green, I'm in!

Turn green. Come on.

Yes!

Yes! Yes!

Hey, are you okay?

No, it's fine.

I'm fine. It just... It turned. I'm green.

No, no, no. Sir? Listen.

Officer, listen to me.

I wasn't trying to go anywhere.

I wasn't trying to leave.

There's a bag of sh*t on my stairs.

Two kids just...

Honestly, they put a bag of sh*t

on my stairs and they lit it on fire.

- Get down on the ground.

- There's a bag of sh*t on my...

Get down on the ground!

Get your hands behind your head.

Somebody comes

and shits on my house?

- Face down, face down.

- This is bullshit.

Now give me your other hand.

Kale, calm down. The officers were

probably in the neighborhood already.

Yeah, but the cop that came,

that cop is my teacher's cousin.

They're related.

Isn't that a conflict of interest?

- Is there no other cops that can...

- He didn't haul you away, right?

- No. No, he didn't. He...

- Because first times happen.

- Right.

- The officers knew that.

Even your teacher's cousin.

But next time you will be back

in front of a judge, all right?

Thank you.

Little harder, Chad.

Hi, pup.

Come here.

- You and me, both.

- Frankie! Frankie!

- Where is he? Where is he?

- No, no, no.

Frankie! Where are you?

Frankie!

- Mom?

- What'd you get?

Just a couple things.

You want to try them on for me?

- Maybe later.

- Well, the pool's almost ready.

Aloha, Seor Kale.

Ronald! What's going on, bro?

- Nothing.

- How you doing?

- Oh, great. Have you been showering?

- Of course. Come on.

- What is that?

- Macadamia nuts.

That's all you got me?

Some stupid nuts?

Hey, I got something to show you

that is most definitely...

No, no. I got something to show you.

I got something to show you.

This is reality without the TV.

There's a world

right outside my window.

- Look, look. Here we go.

- I have Maui chicks, man.

There it is. Mrs. Pilch.

And the Pilch dog.

- Exciting.

- No, no, no, wait, it's not done.

Look, and then she...

Look what she does.

She says bye to Linda,

the maid they have at the house,

who has a titty tat, you know.

And then every Thursday at 4:00,

she goes to the country club

and plays tennis

with Betty Big-Bangs over there.

Okay, and then the ladies leave.

Here we go. Cue Mr. Pilch,

coming back from work.

- Fascinating.

- Here we go, here we go.

Get up. Get up and look at this.

What do you think that's about, huh?

He comes in. Here, take this.

Take this. Take it.

Put that down. Look.

Look at the top, second story.

- Who's there?

- Damn!

Right? You see what I'm saying?

Here, come on.

- Ronnie, let's go.

- Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.

Oh, my God, you've made

the Tower of Twinkie.

Is that in the Stalker's Handbook

somewhere?

No, listen. That's not what I am, okay?

I'm not a stalker.

These are just simple observations.

Natural side effects of chronic boredom.

Find your passion, Kale.

This is Robert Turner.

And...

He does that about twice a day.

Other than that, I don't really see him.

Here's the little shitbagger sleeper cell

I was telling you about, remember?

- Oh, the ding-dong ditch?

- Yeah, that's them.

So what's the plan

for the counterattack?

I don't know.

I'm keeping my options open.

- The runt is mine.

- Here, come on.

- What was that?

- Here, come on.

Last stop on the tour.

Here, come here. Come here.

Oh, my God.

There is a God.

Yeah.

Who is she?

I don't know.

What's stopping you?

Come on.

Sh*t. Oh, God.

Can I help you?

No, no, no. I'm fine, I got it. I got it.

I'm real close.

It's just the bush has grown a little bit.

Don't worry about it.

I do this all the time.

Yeah, I can tell.

I got these two.

A little embarrassing,

I can't get my own mail.

I think any pride you had left

was gone a while ago.

Oh, you mean when the cops came.

No, no, no.

That was a screw-up on their end.

That wasn't me.

Wrong guy, wrong house, wrong...

Wrong. Just wrong.

I'm Kale, by the way.

So, how's your move going?

- Still going.

- Yeah?

I'd help. I'm just a little

spatially challenged at the moment.

Yeah, you kinda got that whole

Martha Stewart thing going on.

Yeah, kinda. Except I don't get, like,

a 48-hour allowance for office visits.

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