Dogfight Page #3

for half the money. That was the deal.

Don't give me sh*t about a f***ing cab.

I'm not giving you sh*t, you goddamn slut.

Take your goddamn money.

You f***ing a**hole! God...

F***ing jarheads. You're all a**holes.

What's wrong, Marcie?

The man's an a**hole. That's what's wrong.

He says, "Hey, Gums, how'd you like

to make $50...

"...and you don't have to do nobody? "

I say, "What's the catch? "

"No catch." So he tells me

about this dogfight thing.

So I say, "Sure."

I even offer not to wear my teeth.

I'm sorry. I don't understand.

Sh*t. Never mind.

No. I'd like to hear.

It's not really as bad as it sounds, all right?

Free cocktail, free beer...

...and they got to be polite.

Those are the rules. They got to be polite.

- What rules?

- The rules of the dogfight.

See, they each put in some money,

like $50, $70, $75...

Who does?

The a**holes, the Marines.

And out of that they rent the joint,

pay for the food and the booze...

...and the rest of the money

goes to prize money.

The thing that gets me is how great

they think they look.

You ever seen such a pack of pukes?

There's prize money?

That's right.

The ugliest woman wins $100...

...for the guy who brings her.

I'm the ugliest, so I win.

Only, see...

...I ain't really that ugly. You should

see me when I'm really dressed up.

Oh, God. This is awful.

Marcie, you must feel terrible.

It's not so bad.

At least I got $50.

All you got was sick.

Hey!

- How you doing there, Shitbird?

- Good.

You just won honorable mention.

That's $26 in prize money.

It's a good thing she puked up

or we'd have to give it to Fector.

Hell of a lot better than a bayonet

up your ass.

Always.

Hey!

Don't you dare "hey" me.

You are a cruel, heartless, ignorant creep.

If I were a man, I'd beat you to a pulp.

Who gave you the right

to treat people like this?

It's vicious!

All of you are just vicious!

I'm sorry!

How can you be sorry?

You have no feelings.

You're just a worthless excuse

for a human being.

- Hey, that's my shipmate!

- Shut up, you creep!

Your apology means nothing.

Everything out of your mouth

has been rotten, dirty lies.

I'm sorry I ever met you.

Okay.

God, what a b*tch.

Where did you find her?

Jerk!

For Christ's sakes.

What the hell was that about?

Jesus Christ!

You should be able to control your woman.

Rose.

What?

It's 8:
30. What kind of party ends so early?

I decided to come home early.

You have a good time?

Yeah. It was nice.

I'm going to go practice my guitar.

Not too loud, okay?

Repent!

Hey, watch your step.

Repent!

Get the f*** out of here with that bullshit.

Cartoons for adults!

I love winning, Corporal!

It feels so f***ing good.

Here. I got you a beer.

Quit eye-f***ing me.

Jesus!

They got these f***ing things timed.

First it stops just when

she takes off her bra.

Now it stops just as she

takes off her panties.

That pisses me off.

Let's put on our hat.

Belly up to that holster.

You look like Daddy's little cowgirl.

Now, what's the most important thing

to remember...

...during a Wild West shootout?

Kill, kill, kill.

Right. Get in position.

Line that son of a b*tch up.

- Draw!

- Kill! Kill! Kill!

What are you doing?

Excuse me, ma'am. I got to talk to him.

- What's going on?

- The dogfight's over.

Okay, now half-mast those skivvies.

B*tch! F***ing machine!

What, you just learn to walk?

Okie, give me another nickel.

- All right, but I get to see, too.

- Okay.

- I'm serious.

- I'm serious. Give it to me.

Where did Birdlace go?

He said he'd meet us at Navy Bill's.

If I don't see her ass soon,

I'm going to hump you.

Dog!

Rosie, what is it? Who's out there?

It's all right. It's just Captain.

Here.

Come on.

Come on. Here.

Good boy. Yeah.

You're a big f***er, aren't you?

Yeah? Want some? Look at those ears.

Okay, easy.

Motherf***er!

What do you want?

Pretty hokey, isn't it?

Sorry. I thought you'd like it.

Did I win anything?

Nothing.

You were disqualified.

- Liar.

- Rose, I swear.

What about those other girls?

What about them?

What about their feelings? Do you honestly

think they have no feelings?

They didn't know anything about it.

Besides, you're different.

I've been to six different dogfights.

You're the first girl I ever tried to talk

out of going.

- You did not.

- Yes, ma'am. You don't remember?

In front of the Nitelite? I tried to stop you.

And before dancing, too.

When you dance, that's final judging.

That's crazy. I don't understand you.

There's a lot of sh*t I don't understand.

I don't apologize, ever.

And I came all the f*** way back here

to apologize.

And I don't understand that.

I wanted to take you out to dinner...

...and try to make things up to you

if possible...

...and I'm standing here now

feeling like an idiot.

So, f*** it.

If you don't want me around

and I'm a pain in your ass...

...just tell me to leave, and I'm gone.

I want you to stop swearing.

Okay.

Okay.

- Okay what?

- Okay, let's go to dinner.

But if this is part of your dogfight,

I'll kill you.

No, Rose, it's not.

I promise. It's just you and I

at a nice joint having a nice dinner.

We won't ever mention this dogfight again.

Roger that.

It'll just be like a regular date,

just two regular people on a regular date.

Right.

Well, knowing Birdlace,

he's probably out looking for action.

Speaking of action...

Can you believe it?

Two beautiful women lost

to a detachment of deck apes!

- Well, I thought I smelled squid sh*t.

- I smell it.

How'd you like to eat my sh*t?

F***ing jarhead.

Fight! Fight!

Market and Powell.

- Do we get off here?

- Yeah.

I think I know a place.

Here.

We can do better.

- Eddie, this is a nice restaurant.

- We can do better.

- Can I help you?

- Yeah. Excuse me. Dinner for two.

- Do you have a reservation?

- Yes, my secretary called in. Gilmore.

Not that that should matter,

being there's plenty of room.

Yes, sir, there is,

but unless you have a jacket...

...I can't seat you.

I'm wearing a jacket.

You're wearing a windbreaker, sir.

I was speaking of a dinner jacket

or at least a tie and sports coat.

Couldn't you just put us in the back,

out of the way?

It's my last night stateside...

...and I wanted to take my girl

out to dinner.

I'm sorry, sir,

but it's a rule strictly enforced.

Well, thank you.

- That man's a prick!

- He was doing his job.

Bullshit! Just like a 2nd lieutenant,

give them some power...

...they roll in it like dogs in sh*t.

Makes them feel like wolves

instead of the little lap dog that he is.

I'm going to burn his ass.

Eddie, what is the problem?

We were supposed to have

a nice, normal date.

There's no problem.

Just a man with a mission.

What kind of mission?

You and me against the pricks.

Are you with me?

It has just been the craziest night.

Eddie's grandfather dies,

and we're headed for midnight mass.

Put that back where it belongs.

Eddie just doesn't have appropriate

funeral wear hanging in his closet.

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