Dogma Page #2

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(looks at Loki)

You still don't get it, do you?

LOKI:

No, I don't get it. Are we leaving now?

They start walking.

BARTLEBY:

If you walk through the church's front door on the day of the Re-dedication

ceremony, your soul is wiped clean of any and all existing sin, moreso than

the sacrament of penance could ever offer. It's a plenary indulgence, man!

I don't know why I never thought of this before.

LOKI:

(spits out chewed popcorn into trash can)

Sounds thin. Sounds like someone made it up.

BARTLEBY:

It's rarely employed, but it's legitimate. It has a papal sanction for

God's sake.

LOKI:

So you're saying you and I can walk through this doorway and go back home?

BARTLEBY:

No - by passing through the doors, our sins are

forgiven. Then all we have to do is die...

LOKI:

Wait. wait, wait - Die? I don't want to die.

(chews popcorn)

BARTLEBY:

(steps on conveyor belt)

You'd rather stay down here for a few more eons?

LOKI:

No, but we don't even know if we can die. And what if we can, but this

archway thing doesn't pan out? What then? Hell? F*** that.

(spits out chewed popcorn into napkin)

BARTLEBY:

Impossible. If we cut off our wings and transubstantiate to complete human

form then we become mortal. And if we die with clean souls, there's no way

to keep us out. They have to let us in.

LOKI:

(beat)

Who sent this thing?

BARTLEBY:

I don't know. Somebody who's looking out for us,

I guess. Does it matter? All that matters is that

after all these years, we've found a loophole. He

can't keep us out anymore. And once we're back

in, I'm sure He'll just forgive and forget.

They pass the Nun. who leans against a wall, still dazed.

LOKI:

Yeah, but this plenary' indulgence thing is a church law, not Divine

Mandate. Church laws are fallible because they're created by man.

BARTLEBY:

One of the last sacred promises imparted to Peter the first Pope by the Son

of God before He left was "Whatever you hold true on earth..."

LOKI:

" ...I'll hold true in Heaven."

BARTLEBY:

So if the Pope says it's so, God must adhere. It's dogmatic law.

LOKI:

(beat; extends hand)

Let it never be said that your anal retentive attention to detail never

yielded positive results.

BARTLEBY:

(accepts hand)

You can't be anal retentive if you don't have an anus.

LOKI:

There's just one thing I think I should do before we leave - something

that'Il get us back on His good side.

BARTLEBY:

What's that?

Loki smiles and starts rifling through his pockets. He extracts a magazine

article.

LOKI:

This is something I've been dreaming about for five years now. Read.

The crumpled article displays a Barney-like gold-hued cow, alongside

various profit charts and text.

OC BARTLEBY:

(reading)

"Mooby the Golden Calf- Creating an Empire Out of Simplicity."

Loki wipes his mouth and nods to the article.

LOKI:

I want to hit them.

BARTLEBY:

Are you nuts?!

(crumples article)

We're mere days away from getting back, and you want to jeopardize it

because you have a soft spot for the good ol' days?!

LOKI:

What better way to show I've repented than by resuming the position I

denied... thanks to you.

BARTLEBY:

A killing spree is not going to make things better for us.

LOKI:

We're not talking about killing here. We're talking about Divine Justice.

We're talking about punishing the wicked, raining down fire and brimstone.

He's all about that. I just know he'd want this done.

BARTLEBY:

There hasn't been an Angel of Death since you quit. Doesn't that mean

anything to you? Besides, what if you're wrong?

LOKI:

If I'm wrong, it won't matter. Like you said - we pass through the arch and

we're forgiven anyway

They step up to an elevator and press the button.

BARTLEBY:

(considering it)

Well... he does hate competition.

(reading article)

And this Mooby deninitely falls under that heading.

LOKI:

The church we have to go to is where?

BARTLEBY:

New ]ersey. The Rededication is in four days.

The doors open. They get on. Other people are inside as well.

LOKI:

Our last four days on earth. If I had a dick, I'd go get laid. But we can

do the next best thing.

BARTLEBY:

What's that?

LOKI:

Let's kill people.

A guy beside Loki reacts. Loki smiles at him as the elevator doors close.

OPENING CREDITS:

Between black cards with white credits there are shots of the OLD MAN from

the boardwalk being wheeled into a hospital on a gurney, being treated in

the emergeny room, being hooked up to life support system, and finally

resting in an intensive care wing.

EXT ST. STEPHEN'S PARISH - DAY

The church sits on a grassy knoll in Mc Henry - a suburb of Chicago. Some

kids tear by on bikes and egg it.

OC PRIEST:

The greater Illinois chapter of the Right to Life foundation will be

holding it's bi-annual softball game against the Cook County Pro-Choice

league next Sunday at two.

INT ST. STEPHEN'S PARISH - DAY

The PRIEST speaks from the lectern, addressing semi-filled rows of the

faithful.

PRIEST:

Those who find the weekly demonstration outside of

the Twelfth Street Planned Parenthood Clinic hard to make due to work

schedules are urged to show their support in the fight against the

thoughtless and wanton destruction of life by cheering on our boys on the

field. Refreshments. as always, will be served.

Dollying down the rows while the Priest rattles on. we pass the

parishoners. Some listen intently, others are nodding off. One

surreptitiously listens to a Walk-man; a man and a woman quietly argue

while their kid colors in a coloring book, going off the page and marking

the pew; two kids play cards; one guy leafs through a copy of Hustler

hidden by his hymnal book.

OC PRIEST:

Today's second collection will be donated to the John Doe Jersey Life Fund.

For those of you who haven't been following the news, an unidentified

homeless man who was accosted and severely beaten at the New Jersey shore

last Tuesday lies in critical but stable condition in one of that area's

hospitals. He lacks identification and police have had no luck in tracking

down any possible family. While he shows no signs of recovery, the

Arch-Bishop of the Trenton Diocese has disputed the state's decision to

remove the indigent man from life support systems, asking that Catholics

all over the country join in this protest against Euthanasia. And finally -

will whoever keeps parking in my spot, stop doing that. Thank you. Now,

please rise for the recession of faith. We believe in one God, the

father...

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