Dogma Page #4

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LIZ:

You think I'm going to mock your religious beliefs? We're friends, Bethany

- I may mock you for being a divorce' at twenty five who's never had an

orgasm, but I'd never mock you for having faith.

BETHANY:

That's just it - I don't. I don't think I have any faith left.

LIZ:

(making coffee)

I had a girl in here once - 'bout fifteen. She told me that faith is like a

glass of water. When you're young, the glass is full, and it's easy to fill

up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount

of water doesn't fill the glass anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be

refilled.

BETHANY:

A fifteen year old who came in here said that?

LIZ:

She had gotten knocked up by her pastor.

BETHANY:

Jesus! See? A minister knocks up a teenager -isn't anyone afraid of the

Lord's wrath anymore?

LIZ:

That would require faith, and that commodity lately seems reserved only for

the psychotic zealots that hang around outside.

(collects her things to leave)

So what are you doing tonight?

BETHANY:

Watching T.V.

LIZ:

Girl, you need a man. If only for ten minutes.

BETHANY:

It's been my experience that the average male is never a man - not even for

ten minutes in his entire life span.

LIZ:

Uh-oh - that sounds militant. You thinking of joining the other side?

BETHANY:

Couldn't do it. Women are insane.

LIZ:

Then girl, you better get back to church and ask God for a third option.

BETHANY:

I think God is dead.

LIZ:

The sign of a true Catholic.

Liz exits with her coffee. Bethany stares after her.

INT A QUAINT SUBURBAN HOME - DAY

The Stygian Triplets kneel on one knee before a high-backed leather chair,

upon which Sits a shadowy figure who we see from behind. They appear to be

in a den or library.

SHADOWY FIGURE:

All proceeds according to plan. No doubt, the powers will attempt to

contact the Last Scion. You know where she is. She must be elliminated

befoie she enters the frav. When she is negated, there will be nothing to

interfere with our plan. Shuffle her loose her mortal coil, that we may

obtain our final glory.

(beat)

Go.

The Stygian Triplets rise and skate off.

INT BETHANY'S KITCHIEN - NIGHT

The fridge door opens and Bethany glances around inside. She pulls out a

chocolate cake and closes the door.

INT BETHANY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Bethany sits on the couch, eating cake with a fork and watching the OC t.v.

The theme song to Filmation's 'Batman and Robin' cartoon can be heard. She

sips some milk from a glass and has some more cake.

INT BETHANY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Bethany's in bed, staring up at the ceiling. From the darkness, a creaking

floor board is heard. Bethany reacts, grabbing a bat from under her pillow.

She peers into the darkness, defensively wielding her bat.

Suddenly, the room explodes in flames. A huge fire that appears to be

shooting out from the floor ignites mere feet from Bethany's bed. Bethany

leaps back, taking a beat to stare, mesmerized. Looking closely, one can

see an anthropomorphic form standing in the blaze.

VOICE:

(powerful; booming)

BEHOLD THE METATRON - HERALD OF THE ALMIGHTY AND

VOICEOF THE ONE TRUE GOD!

The Voice repeats itself. Bethany darts out of bed and dashes out of the

room, quickly returning with a fire extinguisher. While the voice is in

mid-sentence, she blasts the thing with the contents of the canister,

swirling the nozzle around to hit all the flames. The booming Voice

sputters and starts coughing, losing it's impressive edge. Bethany stops

squirting and turns on her bedside lamp.

A choking, drenched, and coughing androgynous figure in a suit waves her

away. The figure coughs up some of the extinguisher's contents and drops to

the floor, hacking. It is METATRON. Bethany stares, shocked.

METATRON:

(between coughs)

Sweet. ..Jesus! Did you... have to empty...the whole can?!

Bethany grabs her bat again and holds it up, this time offensively.

BETHANY:

WHO THE F*** ARE YOU AND WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!

METATRON:

(slowly rising to it's feet)

I'm the one... who's soaked and... she's the one who's pissed. That's rich!

BETHANY:

(reaching for phone, still holding bat)

I'm calling the cops! Breaking and entering, attempted arson... they're

going to lock you up for life...!

M ETATRON:

(wiping off clothes)

No dial tone.

BETHANY:

(ear to phone)

You cut the phone lines...

(even more offensive with bat)

Get the f*** out of here, now!

METATRON:

Or you'll what - hit me with that fish?

The bat Bethany held is now a salmon. She drops it to the floor and freaks.

METATRON:

Now just sit down on the bed and shut up!

BETHANY:

Oh God - you're going to rape me...

METATRON:

I'm not going to rape you.

(to itself; off clothes)

Look at my suit...!

BETHANY:

Take whatever you want, just don't kill or rape me...

METATRON:

Enough with the raping already! I couldn't rape you if I wanted to.

(unzips pants and pulls them off)

Angels are ill-equipped.

Bethany stares. There, before her, stands the exposed Metatron. There is

nothing where some sexual genitalia should be - it's as smooth and

anatomically impaired as a Ken doll.

METATRON:

See? I'm as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll.

(rings out pants)

You meat-puppets and your arrogance - you think everyone's just waiting to

rape you.

BETHANY:

Wh..what are you?

METATRON:

I'm pissed is what I am. You go around drenching everyone that comes into

your room with flameretardent chemicals? No wonder you don't get laid.

(pulls pants back on)

Go get me a towel, will you?

Bethany blinks. She exits the room and comes back with a towel. She holds

it out to Metatron who grabs it and starts toweling off.

METATRON:

(taking off jacket)

Stand back.

Bethany steps back. Metatron flexes and huge f***ing wings extend from it's

back, dripping water. Bethany goes wide-eyed and cowers against the wall.

METATRON:

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