Doing Hard Time Page #5

- 'Cause if you don't, I'm a dead man.

And a live baby daddy in jail

is better than no daddy at all.

You know what? This is some crazy sh*t.

You got the white girl running sh*t

when everything is going cool.

But when sh*t gets f***ed up,

you want to run to the sister.

"Hold me down, watch my back."

Risk going to jail?

But through all the bullshit

you put me through...

I still got faith in your black ass.

So you gonna do it then?

Yeah. F*** me, man.

Hell, n*gger, whose dick you suck

to get all this sh*t here?

I asked Miss Shepard.

What the hell did you say?

We have a bond, all right?

Speaking of bonds, Mathematic

want to know what you gonna do.

- What did you say?

- I told him you were thinking about it.

- I'm not.

- Yeah, but he don't know that.

How long before you think he figures out

you're jerking him off?

Man, my appeal goes through,

it won't even matter.

It'll be somebody else's problem.

- And if it doesn't?

- We'll deal with it when we get to it.

But in the meantime between time,

can you read this letter?

Mitchell, you've got a visitor.

Mathematic, I need to holler at you, man.

What went down between me and Razor,

that's between us.

I know he was making you money...

so I got a connect

gonna bring some product up in here.

So 50% of the profit is yours,

if it'll make things right between us.

You take the castle with your knight, man.

I'm trying to make some peace up in here.

You heard me?

N*gger, is you crazy? Dead men don't talk.

Ladies.

All right, motherf***er.

Remember though,

to kick some ass, you got to bring some.

B*tch me, you n*gger.

How you doing?

You're asking me how I'm doing?

You're one of the smartest brothers I know.

I made a mistake. I'm doing my bit.

You don't end up in a place like this

by accident.

- You brought the boots I wanted?

- Yeah.

Robin's been asking about you.

- She wants to come to see you.

- Not an option.

What you mean, that's not an option?

The woman loves you.

I'm sorry she feels that way, okay?

And it must hurt like hell,

but I can't love her.

My wife won't allow it.

Let him by.

You're gonna kick down 25% of your profit

if we take out Mathematics.

What, you scared? I'll give you 35%.

"Scared?"

We ain't scared, man.

There's nothing we enjoy more

than killing n*ggers.

So what's up, man? We got a deal or what?

No.

Why should I risk one of my guys...

when all I gotta do is just kick back

and watch you n*ggers kill each other off?

No risk to us.

That sh*t's better than watching cable.

What the f*** you doing in here, man?

I know the game, n*gger.

Down one, drown one. Courtesy flush.

Besides...

it's too small in here to let it float, anyway.

Welcome back, my n*gger.

Welcome home, boy.

- You think you can help me out here?

- I'm busy.

I got a real problem, Mike, all right?

Now that Clever's out,

Mathematic put me on the book.

He doesn't know you can't read?

I don't know what we owe

or who owes what.

Look, I got your back.

I been watching your back, right?

- All I ask is that you help me out with this.

- Let me see that.

They're shitting you, you see?

That's the first thing the police tell you:

You have the right to remain silent.

That is the first thing a n*gger give up.

See, we can't hold nothing back.

The only thing white folks say is,

"Can I call my lawyer?"

End of conversation.

Unless you a celebrity.

They treat them motherfuckers

totally different.

They call them up like,

"Hi, this is the Chief of Police.

"I know you're busy,

I've seen your motion pictures...

"but if it's not too much trouble

can you stop by the station...

"say on Tuesday,

so we can arrest your motherfucking ass?"

Yeah, and then they be arrogant

with their sh*t. They like:

"Does it have to be Tuesday?"

See, Snoop Dogg,

he ain't gonna get that call.

They gonna have helicopters,

SWAT unit kicking his door in...

while he on the toilet trying to take a sh*t...

and put him in the car

before he can wipe his ass.

If you could f*** anybody,

who would you f***?

Man, I got 10 years.

So, yeah, I'm prison-gay.

But it ain't about the sex.

It's about the power.

And the look on that fool's face

when you running up in him.

Yeah, we know all that.

Now, who would you f***?

Mike Tyson.

Take his manhood, and I'm the champ.

All right, what about you, Clever?

- POTUS.

- Who?

- POTUS?

- The President of the United States.

Figure he been f***ing the sh*t

out of America...

it only seems appropriate

he gets a taste of his own medicine.

Grudge f***.

You got to tame the beast

before you make him a house pet.

All right, ladies, you've had your fun.

The party's over.

- All right, we'll see you.

- Come on.

Please put your seats

in their full and upright position...

because tomorrow, it's gonna get ugly.

Two of them chocolate milks.

What's up?

Been waiting to hear back.

- He's in.

- Is that a fact?

He helped me with the books last night.

Ain't that right, Mike?

That's cool. You help Smalls with the books.

But I think you need a hustle of your own.

Getting kind of cozy

with that Counselor Shepard.

Got you a bunch of art supplies and sh*t.

I'm thinking, we see what else

she could get for you.

Yeah. That's a good idea, Mathematic.

N*gger, shut the f*** up.

I'm talking to this man.

I want you to get a cell phone.

$50 dollars a call.

Clear $500 to $600 a day. $20,000 a month.

You make a third.

You are f***ing dreaming. Wake up.

Who the f*** do you think you talking to?

This n*gger? N*gger, that's my n*gger.

If I want him to,

he'll break your little f***ing pretty ass up.

You think you can tell me no?

I run this motherf***er. I tell...

We've just lost cabin pressure.

No!

A f*ggot killed you, motherf***er!

We've got a situation here!

Stay down, motherf***er, god damn it!

Revenge don't mean sh*t...

unless the motherf***er you're doing

knows it's you.

God!

All available guards to the cafeteria!

Stay down!

F*** off, man. Get the f*** off of me!

F***ing motherfuckers, man!

Suck my dick, b*tch!

F*** you, b*tch!

F*** all of y'all, man!

Once upon a time, long ago...

there was a bird.

A big black bird from Detroit.

And one day,

he went soaring through the sky.

He tried to land on this telephone wire.

But when he came down for his landing...

he kind of missed a step and he fell off.

He lost his balance.

Why did he fall, Daddy?

- He lost his balance, baby.

- Why?

I don't know. Happens to everybody.

Like when you was first starting to walk...

when you first learned how to ride a bike,

you had to find your balance, remember?

I get it. Like when Mama talks about you.

What?

She says you can't balance us

with the streets.

- She said that?

- That's what Mama said.

What is it? Come on.

Okay, relax. I'm gonna give you a hint.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Daddy.

- Okay, give it to him, Daddy.

- All right.

Here we go.

Just what I wanted!

- Do you like it?

- Let me get y'all.

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