Don Verdean Page #9

Synopsis: Hired by an ambitious small-town pastor to find sacred relics in the Holy Land, a self-proclaimed Biblical archaeologist comes up short and his attempt to cover up his failure fuels a comic conspiracy from the filmmaking team behind Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre. DON VERDEAN stars Sam Rockwell, Amy Ryan, Jemaine Clement, Leslie Bibb, with Will Forte, and Danny McBride.
Director(s): Jared Hess
Production: Lionsgate Films
 
IMDB:
5.4
Metacritic:
39
Rotten Tomatoes:
30%
PG-13
Year:
2015
90 min
$30,525
Website
198 Views


just hand over our money.

We gave them the Grail,

what more do they want?

- Shut up, Boaz.

- He can't understand me.

Can't speak English.

I should just stick him up

right now and done with it.

Listen here, Boaz.

You easily the stupidest man I've ever met.

Bringing you out here was the biggest

damn mistake of my entire life.

As soon as we pay off that

lab tech, you and I are done.

I don't ever wanna see or hear from you

ever again. You understand me?

Let's just call it quits

right now, then. Shall we?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't do this.

Hold on, now.

Don't do this, Boaz.

BOAZ:
Come on!

Good riddance, Don,

you washed up, old hack.

Stay here.

WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Security

wanted in the parking lot three.

( ELEVATOR DINGS )

( PHONES RINGING )

( DON AND BOAZ SCREAM )

- Give me the case.

- No!

- Give me the case!

- No, Don, no!

- ( CHOKING )

- ( CELL PHONE BUZZING )

Open it up.

( PHONE CHIMES )

- ( PHONE CLICKS )

- Chang, it's me, Fontaine.

You're not gonna believe this,

but the Sherriff's department

just found the lab guy

locked up in a storage unit.

The GPS I stuck on their

car led 'em right to him.

So, I-I'm with the police.

We're waiting for some backup

and then we'll be right over.

Thank you so much for

your help with this.

We got 'em. ( LAUGHS )

- ( SIGHS )

- We were set up.

We were set up!

Poon-Yen was working for

Fontaine this whole time,

and his name is Chang!

He doesn't have a billion dollars.

( BEEPING )

They've been tracking us!

( SHATTERS )

( CLATTERS )

You better hit the road, buddy.

What about you? Where are you gonna go?

It's better if we split up.

( CAR ENGINE STARTS )

Stupid bastard. Stupid, greedy bastard!

- FONTAINE:
Ah, that's him! Go, go, go, go!

- ( POLICE SIREN WAILS )

Oh, man.

Oh, no!

How do you do this? Is there a button or...

Hello? Somebody?

I'm in a-a police car

and we need a spike strip.

Get me snipers, get me SWAT.

I want to set up a roadblock

from Kern to Hawthorne.

Can't you ram them or something?

Let's see if you pigs can beat a Pontiac.

( ENGINE REVVS )

FONTAINE:
Main Street!

They're on Main Street!

We're only going 35?!

Come on, step on it!

Do a pit maneuver or something!

BOAZ:
Oh, man. Oh, no.

( SCREAMS )

- Don't shoot!

- FONTAINE:
Get your hands up!

- Get your hands above your head!

- Don't shoot.

- FONTAINE:
Get over here!

- MAN:
We got him!

( GRUNTS )

You have the right to remain silent.

- Anything you say...

- That's enough, buddy.

Can be held against you. Okay.

You are done, man. You

and Verdean are done!

Tony Lazarus's church is crap!

- Huh? How does it feel?

- It feels great, man.

Yeah, I'm sure it does.

You had a hand in taking it down.

A huge hand, and I give

you a hand for that.

Get him out of here. Get him to jail.

( POLICE SIREN CHIRPS )

( SCREAMS ) Yeah!

Whoo!

( KNOCKS )

Carol. Carol!

I started a joke

Which started the

whole world crying...

I don't know how to tell you this, but...

( PANTING ) I'm a...

I'm a charlatan.

- I don't understand.

- I stole the Goliath skull

from a grave in Jerusalem...

and I buried it in Gath.

I never meant to hurt anybody,

I just wanted to give people

a reason to believe.

How long have you been doin' this?

It was just the skull.

- Carol, I swear.

- ( POLICE SIRENS IN DISTANCE )

If I have to spend the rest of my life

tryin' to earn your forgiveness, I will.

- I love you, Carol.

- OFFICER:
Hey, get down on your knees.

Put 'em up! Right now!

I:

Looked at the sky

Running my hands

- Over my eyes...

- Bye.

And I fell out of bed

Hurting my head

- ( CRYING )

- From things that I said

Till I finally died

Which started the whole...

We are standing just outside

the recently foreclosed on

Friendship Harvest Temple

where Pastor Fontaine is

accused of... there he is now!

- Not today. Get that thing out of my face.

- Pastor Fontaine,

what do you have to say about the misuse...

- You don't know what you're talking about.

- Of church funds

- to hire local restaurateur Chang...

- Don Verdean is the fraud.

- Not me and that's all I have to say.

- Your actions were in fact

- fraudulent...

- This interview is done!

- Even un-Christian!

- Done!

Reverend Lazarus, what

has this been like for you

and for your flock since

Mr. Verdean was convicted

of fraud, larceny,

aggravated assault, and

accessory to kidnapping?

Well, as you can imagine,

it has been very, very difficult.

It's been tough times.

Tough for my marriage,

tough for my members,

tough for my very faith.

But I do believe that Don Verdean

has a good heart,

and I believe his heart

was in the right place.

So, Don,

I forgive you.

And if you are watchin' this,

I think the Lord forgives you, too.

Amen.

( BUZZER SOUNDS )

Let's go.

Whoo.

So, have you joined a gang yet?

Gotta join a gang, Don, I'm telling you.

I'm in the Jewish Brotherhood

with Todd Katzenberg.

Todd's a tough guy, man.

A good accountant, too.

We're called the "He-bros."

I can get you in...

but we might have to jump you first.

No, thank you, Boaz, I'm doin' all right.

Okay.

I made you something.

Check it out.

It's a toothbrush/shiv.

This part can brush your teeth,

this part is a knife.

Brush, stab. Brush, stab.

Take it, Don, I made this one for you.

It's okay, I've got another

one in my butt crack.

No, thank you.

Anytime,

anywhere,

any place.

I'll be here to protect you.

Shalom.

Shalom.

( INDISTINCT CHATTER )

Mind if I sit down?

My name's Don.

Hey.

Your mother named Carol?

- Yeah.

- I know your mother, son.

( MUSIC PLAYING )

- Sing it now

- Give me that old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

It's good enough for me

Make me love everybody

Makes me love everybody

Makes me love everybody

It's good enough for me

Give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

It's good enough for me

It was good for

all the children

It was good for

all the children

It was good for

all the children

It's good enough for me

Give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

It's good enough for me

It was tried in

the fiery furnace

It was tried in

the fiery furnace

It was tried in

the fiery furnace

And it's good enough for me

Give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

It's good enough for me

Give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

It's good enough for me

Oh, give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

It's good enough for me

It will do when I'm dyin'

It will do when I'm dyin'

It will do when I'm dyin'

It's good enough for me

Give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

Give me that

old-time religion

It's good enough for me

It can take us all to heaven

It can take us all to heaven

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Jared Hess

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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