Donald Cried Page #3

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- So we gotta make sure

we get there real f***ing early

before the sun rises.

And we'll f***ing both

kick down the f***ing door,

together we'll both

f***ing boot it in.

You f***ing hop on top of the

counter, f***ing threaten everybody,

"you better get the f*** down, or I'm

gonna start spraying this place!"

You run to the back because

you have all the codes,

all the access codes.

I'll stay out front.

Just listen for a second.

I'll stay out front.

Crowd control. You f***ing

throw me the cash,

I'll grab it. We're gonna need something

really, really fast parked outside.

I back out of the place like

this, making sure no one moves,

'cause we don't want

anyone to see our identity.

You're outside

peeling the car around,

you know how to get

around New York, right?

So you know all the access,

exit routes and stuff?

- Yeah.

- We'll be out of there.

We will never have to worry

about a thing again.

That would be f***ing cool.

- Right?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- It'll be great.

Are you seeing anybody?

No. I want nothing to do

with a female right now.

You remember Betsy Williams?

Yeah. Wow!

You remember her?

Real psycho.

Yeah, she's insane.

She jerked me off in the dugout.

- And you were on the lookout.

- I was the lookout.

But anyway, she jerked

me off, and we f***ed.

And I got her pregnant.

Yeah. And at that time I felt

like it was the right move.

Like, I felt like it was good for me to maybe

start a family and move forward, that way.

- Okay.

- So I quit my job,

and stayed home,

and raised the child.

But while I was doing that

she was out still partying.

She wasn't ready for

that next step, so,

she was out partying and I ended up

finding her f***ing somebody else,

who ends up being the real dad.

And his father had a biotech

company in Orlando,

and they moved down there

and I haven't seen them since.

Right now it's about

the next chapter in my life.

Right now it's a new chapter.

Starring me,

and what my future is.

So, I just am ready to move on

there, so I wouldn't even sweat it.

Do you know

that's definitely not your kid?

Did you get it tested?

Like a DNA test?

She told me.

You didn't want to get tested

to find out? That might be...

To be honest,

I'm not ready for it.

So...

It's fine.

I guess.

It kinda seems like

a big deal to me.

Hey, look who it is.

Look who it is.

- Oh, Jesus.

- You wanna say something?

I actually would really love...

No, no, no.

- They don't want to see us. -No,

let's not, let's not. Hey, hey, hey.

Let's... Donald, please.

Brenda?

Brenda?

- Hey.

- Hi!

- How's it going?

- Good, good. How are you?

- It's Donald.

- Yeah, yeah, I remember you.

Yeah, look who came

into town to visit me.

- Hi.

- It's Pete Latang.

Oh, wow! You look so different.

How are you?

- I'm good. How are you doing?

- I'm good.

Who's this?

Your husband?

- Yeah, this is Shawn.

- Donald.

- Hi.

- Shawn?

- That's a cool name, bro.

I like that. -Thanks.

That's f***ing cool, dude.

You look really good,

by the way.

- Thank you.

- Yeah, you look really...

She was like one of the...

One of the hot chicks.

I went to high school

with these guys.

Guys were kind

of the metal heads.

Yes, we were, yes, we were.

I just wanted to say that, like,

you look really good,

'cause I know that women can get

self-conscious after they have kids and stuff,

and I just wanted to say that

you look good.

Thank you. Thank you.

- Donald.

- Good to see you guys.

We'll make a move?

- What's that?

- You wanna make a move?

- Yeah.

- Okay, let's do that.

Well, I'm almost done.

Do you think that once we took

off I could probably get that...

You know, he asked you

to homecoming, right?

- You remember when he asked

you to homecoming? -Donald...

Um...

- No.

- No?

He asked, like, you, Tina rose,

- Melanie Gwirk.

- Oh, boy.

He asked, like,

all of the hottest girls.

- You did, but I completely

understand why. -Sorry.

I was like, "what, are

you out of your mind?

None of these girls are

going to like you."

And you know what we did? He wanted

to go on this revenge tour...

- Hey, hey...

- Don't kick me.

- We wanted to go on this revenge tour.

- Donald.

Me and him both did poop and

we both did a poop in bags...

That we did not do. We did a lot

of things, that we did not do!

Now, we should probably

get going. Let's make a move.

- We did do that.

- No, we didn't.

- Yes, we did.

- No, we didn't.

Yes, we did. We did do that. He's

embarrassed now but we did that.

We did. Swear to god we didn't.

- Swear to god?

- I swear to god we didn't.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

- Swear to god!

- Enough!

We did do it, bro.

Hi!

I'll get this bill.

I'll take care of it.

Hey, baby.

Great to see you guys.

You too.

Baby.

Hey.

Are you f***ing mad about that?

'Cause you f***ing

stormed out of there.

No, I'm not mad.

- It seemed like you were mad.

- I'm not.

You sure?

Yeah.

They f***ing...

When you left, like, right

a second after you left,

everyone at the table,

we were all f***ing, just...

Cracking up!

- Yeah, yeah, laughing?

- Yeah.

I mean, no, slinging sh*t all over

someone's house, it's hilarious.

- They thought it was funny.

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know why you f***ing could

care about what she thinks anyway, right?

I don't care about

what she thinks, Donald.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

- You seem like you do.

- I don't care, dude!

Dude, I don't care about anybody

in this town. Do you understand?

Man, I really appreciate

you coming and taking me...

- Are you mad?

- I'm not mad.

I just...

If I could just get that money,

uh, you know, I lost my wallet,

I'm really in a spot,

I'm dealing with this

Nona stuff. I just...

If you could give that to me, I'm

going to grab a cab, and just...

You know, hit the road.

Okay?

All right. I mean...

I don't have any money.

I just spent it.

I bought us breakfast.

So, I can get...

Well, just give me

what you have then.

Well, I don't have

anything on me.

I could get some, or I could see,

but I can't promise anything.

You know, but I could see

what I could do.

- All right. Let's do that.

- You look f***ing mad.

Dude, you look like you're

gonna f***ing kill somebody.

You look like you're gonna

f***ing kill somebody.

F***!

- Eighth place.

- Great, let's go.

I haven't been able to...

That's the best I've gotten...

- Please, come on.

- For some reason I can't get to b8.

That's my opening attempt, 650.

That's 650!

That's like eight of you.

Who do you like, a buck, ten?

Look at that.

I'm getting fired up.

The crowd's getting fired up.

They smell seven.

Seven hundred is

going to fall that day.

See that belt I got on?

So I don't get a hernia.

Now, they're crying.

Crying...

They want 700 pounds.

Seven hundred pounds, sorry.

Amazing.

You're late, what do you want?

I just wanted you to, uh...

- I wanted you to meet somebody.

- We're not f***ing hiring!

He's not looking

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