Door to Door Page #2

Who?

Mr. Pyle.

What the hell. Come on in.

This is really a lovely home.

Mom?

Mother?

Wanna go to a few more houses?

Let's go. What are you gonna say?

Oh, I can tell, look at that hat.

Mrs. Warren, have you seen my mother?

No. Not today.

No, she is missing. You don't understand.

I don't know. I was at work.

At work!

How long do we have to wait

before we can file the-

Hold on.

Thank you very much. I'm fine.

I'll walk you, ma'am.

No, it's all right.

You don't have to see me in.

They said you were on Washington Street.

What were you doing over there?

Just some shopping.

I wanted some shoes. Did you eat?

There aren't any shoe stores

on Washington Street.

I got turned around, and it got dark...

and I ended up on Washington Street.

I'm gonna fix some lamb chops.

Would you set the table?

Sorry I worried you, Billy.

Why didn't you call?

I couldn't remember our number.

Billy.

I think there's something wrong with me.

This man just showered

with a new kind of soap.

New Light Boy Mint Refresher.

A soap so loaded with mint...

so tangy, so frosty, it drives wives...

wicked.

Soap has never smelled this good before.

New Light Boy Mint Refresher

drives wives...

wicked.

A Northwest Mounty!

And he's been trailing

this desperate character for three years!

I wouldn't leave you, Bill.

Thanks, Benny.

Running a little late this morning.

'Morning, sir. There you go.

Monarch Plaza Hotel.

'Morning, Bill.

How's the baby?

Much better.

I got one for you.

Lay it on me.

A traveling salesman passes a farmhouse.

He sees a pig with a wooden leg.

He says to the farmer,

"What's with the wooden leg?"

The farmer says, "That's a very special pig.

"A few months back,

our house caught fire...

"... the pig came in, woke us up...

"... and saved my whole family! "

So the salesman says,

"But why the wooden leg?"

"Hold on," the farmer says.

"My little girl was playing in the road...

"... and one of those logging trucks

lost its brakes.

"The pig ran out

and dragged her to safety. "

"That's amazing! " says the salesman.

"But why the wooden leg?"

"Well," says the farmer...

"you don't eat a pig like that all at once! "

That's good. That's real good.

I'm gonna remember that one.

"You don't eat a pig like that all at once! "

Did you have breakfast?

Yeah.

What did you have? Because you look thin.

A couple of chickens

and a Delmonico steak.

Pass me that newspaper.

Dotty's girl is getting married.

He's a mechanic.

Do I know her?

Dotty, next door.

I have to get to work.

I have to go now, too.

No, Mom, you can't.

I'm going home.

No, you have to stay here.

Why?

Because why. You know why.

They care for you here.

Okay.

You'll come home this weekend.

I'll see you tonight.

Billy?

Give her the Havilland tea set.

Who?

That girl.

For the wedding.

I'll see you tonight.

Do you have the checkbook?

Of course I do.

Good morning.

We can't right now, Bill. We're late.

Bill, are you going next door?

Yeah.

Would you tell those people? You see this?

This is the number for Animal Control.

If they do not shut up that stupid dog-

Bill, could you do me a favor?

Could you explain to him

that's not our dog? That's the Wyler's dog.

And I've been over that 100 times,

and I've told them that.

It is not the Wyler's dog.

It is a yapping dog.

The Wyler's have a collie.

That's right. This is a yapping dog.

If they want to talk about noise,

tell them to close...

the damn window

if they're gonna play the hi-fi.

Are they deaf?.

Every night! At 2:00, 3:00 in the morning.

This dog is, "Yap, yap, yap. "

How can you live like that?

How many times can you listen to

My Boyfriend's Back? Okay! He's back.

And there's gonna be trouble.

You can bet there's gonna be trouble.

Tree mutilators!

Outlet pass, and that's a...

He's not gonna miss that...

no chance to get

this game under control...

I don't think your-

Oh, man.

who's got a game-high 22 points...

and there's the give-and-go!

and he missed the lay-up...

Bill, you going to the bus?

Hop in and I'll give you a ride.

That's all right, Mr. Winters.

I'm going right by there.

No, that's all right, thank you.

Don't be stupid, get in.

Take it outside.

I'm warning you for the last time!

Mrs. Kotlarenko!

Mr. Porter! Your mother is eating dinner.

Where?

She's good, nice dinner, in the back.

She's good, everything's good.

He be okay. Epileptic. That's all.

Where's my mother's suitcase?

Suitcase?

We're leaving.

Yes. We're leaving.

There are cold cuts

in the refrigerator for lunch.

She'll be fine.

Mama?

I'll be home about 7:00.

Mrs. Warren is gonna check in with you.

She'll make you lunch.

Mama, please!

Just go.

Don't worry about her.

I'll keep an eye on her.

I'm gonna do some cleaning, Billy.

The place is a mess.

Good morning. My name is Bill Porter.

I'm with the Watkins Company.

You're a salesman?

Yeah.

No, thank you. I don't need anything.

Are these orchids?

Yes.

They're hard to grow. I know, I've tried.

You have a spot of something

on your shirt.

Our laundry detergent is concentrated.

So, just one...

- Hi.

- Hey.

- You off to school?

- Yeah.

- Good morning.

- 'Morning.

- I'm Bill Porter.

- Brad Gutierrez.

You live in the neighborhood?

He rents a room from me.

Guys, I need you to step outside.

I need to spray in here.

Alan, that stuff's gonna kill you.

Thank you. Go outside, smoke a cigarette.

I hate that stuff.

It's for bugs?

Yeah.

Has he tried peppermint soap?

I don't think so.

What about this?

- Are you sure that stuff is not bad for you?

- Sure.

I will. Okay, 'bye.

Athens, Morocco, someplace else...

It's very sweet of him...

but what am I gonna do

all by myself on a boat?

Your son sounds like a very generous man.

I think he feels guilty.

Why?

I never see him.

This is a Buddhist monk

who has poured gasoline...

But he's busy. You know, he just...

Oh, my God. What is he doing?

Oh, dear God!

He's protesting the war.

Why do they show them?

Why do they put that on the television?

I made some orange juice.

It's fresh-squeezed.

No, thank you, I have to go.

Bill?

What is that tonic that I like so much?

Beef and iron.

Yes. Could you order me some of that?

And that drain cleaner?

You're out of that?

Yes.

And the dog biscuits. The large size.

Mom?

Mrs. Warren?

Mama?

You see, now I have the proof.

- Can you bring the suitcases in for her?

- Sure.

- My glasses.

- Here.

- Mom.

- I can't... What...

- You got them.

- No.

They're in your purse.

It looks really nice, doesn't it?

They gave you lots of linens.

I'm a burden.

What?

I'm a burden on you.

Well, now we're even.

Three traveling salesmen,

they're driving through the country.

Their car breaks down.

They go to the farmhouse.

The farmer says, "You can spend

the night, but there's only one bed. "

The next morning,

the guy on the right-hand side says:

"I had the weirdest dream.

"I dreamed that someone

was playing with me in the night. "

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