Dorm Daze 2

All students leaving

for the College at Sea program...

please meet at the student union.

Booker!

Hey, wait up!

Booker!

Booker!

- Booker.

- Heh.

I've been lookin' all over for you.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Rachel, I have something

I have to say to you before I leave.

Yeah, me, too.

OK, let me go first.

All right.

Listen, I'm gonna be away

for months on this cruise.

I know.

Rehearsing the play,

seeing the world.

I'm a young man.

I gotta be free.

You understand, right?

No.

I'm breaking up with you.

Now, what were you gonna say?

I just signed up to work backstage.

I'm going on the cruise, too.

So what does "X" equal?

Who's your daddy?

OK, everyone, let's take it

from the top of Act Two.

Look at them.

College cruise indeed.

More like an excuse to drink

themselves into oblivion...

and engage in lewd behavior.

Despite my best efforts...

I'm afraid our students are only

receiving an education in slacking.

Now, Dean Dryer,

they're only college students.

Kids'll be kids.

Personally I'm looking forward

to the student-written play competition.

Uhh! Ohh.

I don't expect there

to be much competition.

Woodson University

is a fine institution...

and they've sent us

some of their best students.

What about the students

from Billingsley University?

Those kids are a pack of drugged-out

sex-obsessed idiots.

They'll be lucky

if they can get through their play...

without killing someone.

That was awesome.

You know, that lamp's supposed

to be a prop for the play.

Oh. Does the play need a bong?

Hey.

See you there.

Ho ho. Rusty.

You're for abstinence?

Wait a minute.

"Abstinence Support Group"?

Heh. I thought I was signing up

for the Huge Penis Club.

Uh-huh.

'Cause I have a huge penis.

Bye-bye.

It's a burden, really.

"Yes, sir.

"We'll call an ambulance." Yeah!

"No, sir. It's not...

"Yes, sir."

No, sir.

- Ho! Oh!

- Ohh!

Oh! Violet!

Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you OK?

I'm OK, Newmar. Are you OK?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

- Ouch.

- Oh, so sorry.

I was just in the zone running my lines.

I'm so clumsy.

You're clumsy, but cute.

I'm so glad Robin cast you in the play...

and we got to meet.

It must have been fate, huh?

Hey...

I love you, Violet.

I love you, too, Newmar.

I called my mom at the last port,

and I told her that you may be the one.

You told your mom

that we were gonna have sex?

Marriage, Newmar.

Is sex all you ever think about?

What? No, I...

Anyway, Olga and I just finished

setting up our meeting...

for Abstinence Is Awesome.

Isn't that exciting?

Yeah. Super.

Aw, that's why I like you

so much, Newmar.

You're so supportive.

Anyway, I gotta go.

Uh, see you at rehearsals later.

Bye.

What's it been, man, two months?

Still no sex?

Three.

Hey, listen. She wants you.

It's in there hiding.

Yeah?

All girls want sex.

Rachel was a virgin

when we started dating...

but then it was like

lettin' a tiger out of the cage.

Move it, jerk.

All right, everyone,

let's complete the run-through.

Let's take it back from Marla's line again.

It was supposed to be mine

after the divorce...

but my husband's lawyers

are a slippery lot.

Booker!

What?

Oh. Sorry.

What about shoes?

Heh. We don't have any of those

in your size, big guy.

But I'll, uh... I'll definitely pick some up

when I go to port.

Do you know where my hat is?

Sorry.

That's not right.

More, more. Move it back more.

Brady, where's my hat?

How the hell should I know?

Now that's too far. Move it stage left.

Stage left? What the difference...

between stage left and left?

Gerri, I've hooked it up

with half the chicks on this boat.

It's getting boring.

When are you and me gonna happen?

I'll say never.

But, Stuky-Poo,

if I decide I want gonorrhea...

you'll be the first guy I call.

I am an expert on

carbonaceous deposits...

which have crystallized...

into metastable dodedahecron...

or diamonds.

Five bucks says she drops it again.

Hmm.

I have...

Uhh.

Oopsie.

I'll have a look.

Oops. Sorry.

Nice one!

I'm really sorry.

Oh, don't worry. After you broke

the first three, she got a whole box.

I am staring at the statue, Mike.

You are pointing it at the fireplace.

Fireplace?

Hey, Dante, did you move my hat again?

I wouldn't move it if you'd stop putting it

on the prop table.

It's not a prop. It's a costume.

I put it there so I know where it is.

Stop movin' my f***in' hat!

Rusty, get off the stage.

Can we just start the scene over again?

You know what? Let's move on.

Rusty, stay right there.

We need to work on your problem scene,

so let's start with the big speech.

Oh, but, Robin,

I always mess that speech up.

That's why we need to work on it,

so you don't mess it up.

Can we just cut it?

Start the scene.

- Ohh!

- Oh, my God!

Sorry, everybody. My bad.

Jesus, that could've killed me!

Sorry, Marla. Didn't mean to kill ya.

Is everyone OK? Are you OK? Brady!

It was Mike. He's a dumbshit.

Deal with this.

Right. Mike, you're a dumbshit.

Shut up.

Find a safety chain or something

to keep these lights in place.

We perform for the judges tomorrow.

Everyone, remember

the other play performs tonight.

We should all be there.

Do you need us

to move anything off the stage?

No. Apparently they don't need a set.

It's po-mo, post-modern.

In the future?

God, I'm sick of this stupid play.

I thought that I'd get laid here.

I'm not a picky man, Booker.

I'll take anything with a vagina.

Last night, I tried to f*** a porthole.

Rusty.

I saw your name on the sign-up sheet.

That's great you support abstinence.

I didn't know you were a virgin.

Ahh! Keep it on the D.L., will ya?

- OK.

- You're right.

It's truly the one thing I keep sacred.

Rusty, you're a virgin?

Wow. What a shock.

You know, there is a difference...

between saving yourself for marriage...

and just being too lame to score.

I think the meeting is gonna be fun.

Abstinence Is Awesome.

Tweedleslut and Tweedledum,

you two ain't virgins.

If I didn't have a D.U.I. already...

I'd drive a bus through your v-jays.

Getting arrested last year...

was the best thing

that ever happened to us.

Yeah, the best.

It was in our court-mandated drug rehab...

that Lynne and I realized

we needed to change.

We've become born-again virgins.

We know you're not for abstinence, Rusty.

We're watching you.

Yeah, mister.

Eyes wide shut. Humph.

Why are you going

to Violet's support group?

Isn't that kind of, you know,

counterproductive to getting laid?

Are you kidding?

These girls are about

to snap at any second...

and I wanna make sure I'm around

when it happens.

God! Why is she hanging out with Stukas?

He's such an a**hole.

What do you care? You dumped her.

I know. I can't stop thinking about her.

Ohh! You still like her!

No, I don't. Shut up.

Yeah, you do! You love her!

Ow! He loves you, Rachel!

- Ow!

- Dude, shut...

Ow!

Thank you for coming

to Abstinence Is Awesome.

- Whoo!

- Whoo-hoo!

Whoo, yeah!

Ah, wonderful!

Just great! Yeah!

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