Double Harness

---

I designed that Bridal number

myself, Miss Valerie.

And if I do say so it's

what I call lush.

Your fianc may have fallen in love

with you for your singing voice...

or your kindness to dogs but when he

sees you come down the aisle in that,

he'll know you've got sex appeal too.

All right Bruno, if you guarantee that,

I'll take it.

- How do you like it Joan?

- That depends on the price.

How much do you dare ask

for that Bruno?

Why don't you let your father worry

about that, Miss Joan?

- Don't think I'm not worrying.

- But I only get married once Dad.

- At least in all the trappings.

- Thank goodness,

if you have another wedding.

you'll have to do it on alimony.

You should feel the material

of that model, Miss Valerie.

I literally tingle when I touch it.

What's the grand total Bruno?

I'll find out in just one moment,

Miss Joan.

Now remember, Joan, there's $5.000

for you two girls to get married on.

And I don't intend that you let Valerie

get more than her share.

Oh, It'll be alright.

If I ever get married...

it'll probably be at the City Hall

in a pair of slacks and a turtleneck.

Oh, no you won't.

I'm not that broke.

Oh, I didn't mean it that way, dear.

I know you didn't.

Maybe if I'd done things

a little differently.

Now, darling, everybody's

broke these days.

And if they're not, they pretend to be.

Val and I don't mind a bit.

How can you lie like that

and look so lovely?

Where is Val?

She'll buy out this confounded place

if you don't watch her.

What's that she's trying on now?

Here's the statement, Miss Valerie.

Nine dresses, eight sets of underwear,

three wraps,

seven hats, stockings and everything,

$3.088.

Oh, dear! Now we'll have

to give up something.

Can't you come down some, Bruno?

Well, I have cut the price

on nearly everything, Miss Valerie.

I might have known I couldn't

have what I wanted.

It's alright, Bruno, she'll take them.

We'll come in for our fittings tomorrow...

then the bridesmaids can come in

for theirs on Friday.

Look, Joan, only $600.

I've got to have it!

Not a chance, my child.

Oh, you're way over as it is, Valerie.

Why don't you let me have my way

with you this spring, Miss Joan?

That's right, Joan, why not let

Bruno do you something, something snappy?

Yes, let me make you something

really exciting.

Get all your men friends taking notice.

Something to bring out

the worst in them, I suppose.

Exactly, you'd be surprised

how it would lift your morale.

I'll probably be doing your trousseau

before long.

I hope so. A few more years

and I'll have to advertise. Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye, Bruno.

- Goodbye, Miss Valerie.

- Goodbye, Bruno.

Oh, Bruno!

Thank goodness she'll soon be

safely married.

- Don't you wish I would be too?

- Only if you'd be happy, my dear.

You've never been the worry

and responsibility Valerie has.

You're the steady dependable one.

I wouldn't count on that

anymore, darling.

I'm thinking of going frivolous

on you any minute.

- Where's the car, Dad?

- Right out in front.

- Hello, Joan.

- Hello there!

More trousseau? Naughty girl.

Goodbye.

- Well, what's the hurry?

- Oh, hello, Mr. Fletcher.

- The police after you?

- Oh, hello, John.

- Thought you were playing polo.

- Yes, so did I.

But once a year I have to take an interest

in the shipping business

and today was the day.

- How are you, Fletcher?

- How do you do, Colonel?

Did your father hear me prowling around

your kitchen at 2 o'clock this morning?

I don't think so but if he did, he probably

thought it was just burglars.

Hey, big boy! What do you think,

you own the street or something?

Oh, goodbye, Father is

obstructing traffic.

You haven't forgotten I'm coming

again tonight.

No. You better make it 7 o'clock

if we're going to the theater.

I'll be there.

Since when have you and John Fletcher

got so chummy?

Since last night. He brought me home

from Eleanor Weston's.

- We're dining together tonight.

- What's this, Joan?

You running out with a Bay boy

of the West two nights in succession?

Uh-huh, and if I'm good

as I think I am,

it'll be several more nights

in succession.

What about Monica Page?

- What about her?

- Isn't John Fletcher her private preserve?

He isn't married to her, is he?

He isn't married to anyone and never

will be if he can help it.

That boy is fast on his feet when it comes

to avoiding the minister.

- They all slip some time.

- You've got your eye on him, Joanie?

Well, he seems to be favoring me

with a little flicker of interest.

And I've been told that the Lord helps

those who help themselves.

But he's such a lazy beggar.

Look how he's neglected the...

the shipping business his father left him.

Five years ago the Fletcher Line

was famous, now what is it?

And all because he'd rather

play polo than work.

You give me an idea, Father.

From Monica's little boyfriend?

Uh-huh, from Monica's little boyfriend.

You're not in love with John Fletcher,

are you, Joan?

- No.

- Is he in love with you?

- No.

- Meaning none of my darn business.

- Oh, not at all.

- What's it all about then?

Simple, I just made up my mind

I'm going to marry him.

Marry? Why, my poor deluded sister.

You're going to find out he has

something definite in mind too.

- And it isn't marriage.

- I've found that out already.

Joan, and you go on seeing him?

Certainly. And one of these fine nights...

when he thinks I've had enough

champagne for dinner...

he's going to suggest very casually,

oh, very casually,

We might run up to his flat for a quiet

stop after the theater.

'You've never seen my place,

have you?', says he, sort of offhand.

'No,', says Joan, casting down

her eyelids demurely.

'Rather nice little place,'

says he.

'One or two pictures that might

amuse you.'

Oh, so casual.

Not meaning a thing.

Joan, you wouldn't!

I might.

But, Joan, you're my last illusion.

Oh Val, my sweet,

the years roll on and on.

So far all the men who've wanted

to marry me I haven't wanted to marry.

Of course, if I had a talent, like painting,

or music or writing, it woud be different.

But I haven't.

Oh, and I am really ambitious

to accomplish something.

So, I've decided my only chance...

is to marry a man with a future.

And make his future mine.

But how can you even think of marrying

him if you don't love him?

Love? Marriage has nothing

to do with love.

Marriage is a business.

At least it's a woman's business.

And love is an emotion.

A man doesn't let emotion interfere

with his business.

And if more women would learn not to let

emotion interfere with theirs,

fewer of them would end

in a divorce court.

Hm, just love the smell

of meat cooking.

But marriage without love

would be ghastly.

I mean, think of it.

I mean... how could you possibly?

Have you got the salt, dear?

Thank you.

Oh, there's Dennis. Let him in,

will you, darling?

- I've got to change my dress.

- Father will let him in.

Here's Dennis.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote