Dracula 2000

[Woman singing]

[Thunder]

[Squeaks]

[Bell chimes]

[Bell chimes]

[Bell chimes]

[Horse nickers]

[Bell chimes]

[Man talking indistinctly]

SIMON:
Granted, the craftsmanship's...

not on a par with the Italians...

but for Eastern Europe, it's not bad.

He assures me it's 14th Century...

but these materials, maybe early 15th.

The guy wanted 10,000 for it...

till he found out who was buying.

Then he said Mr. Van Helsing's always been his best customer.

Don't worry. You paid five.

VAN HELSING:
Did you translate the markings?

It's a Slav dialect. "All fear he who walks...

"beneath the crown of eternal night."

No, no, no. It's not crown.

It's halo.

"Beneath the halo of eternal night."

SIMON:
Oh, well.

You see why the design never survived.

And look how heavy it is compared...

to what they were using in England at the time.

Well, the English made them for firing arrow shafts of wood.

This was made for firing metal-- silver.

[Chuckles]

It sounds like something your grandfather...

would've used to hunt the old...

VAN HELSING:
Simon!

You know how I dislike this kind of talk.

Sorry.

VAN HELSING:
How my poor grandfather...

could have inspired a character out of Bram Stoker's book...

I'll never know.

In truth, he was simply a country doctor...

VAN HELSING:
who built up an antique business.

Nothing more.

SIMON:
So, what should we say in terms of resale value?

I am not interested in the resale.

VAN HELSING:
I want it for my collection.

Another one.

We turn a profit, do we not?

I will keep what I wish.

[Knock on door]

[Door opens]

Mr. Van Helsing, last of the manifests.

SOLINA:
Will you be needing anything?

No, no, no. You go.

OK. Good night, then.

Good night, Simon.

[Door closes]

Picture this. We walk to Waterloo Station.

We board the next train, and three hours later...

we're in Paris for the weekend.

[Sighs]

Does English charm work on English women?

Why not, Solina? One reason.

I don't date men that I work with.

Where was that rule a month ago?

It's new.

[Train rumbling]

[Doorbell buzzes]

[Buzz]

[Door clicks open]

Good evening.

I heard you had some sort of security problem.

No, sir.

You do now.

[Crackles]

Aah!

TRICK:
Nice shot.

Move, move, move.

Move and think.

[Beeps]

[Beeps]

[Beeps]

[Grunts]

Come on.

[Beeping]

Pass code decrypted.

TRICK:
Accessing.

TRICK:
Security shutting down.

[Machinery humming]

[Beeping]

[Machinery clangs]

[Classical music plays]

COMPUTER:
Fingerprint identification confirmed.

Stand by for voice recognition.

[Click]

TAPE:
Matthew Van Helsing.

COMPUTER:
Voice recognition confirmed.

Standby for retinal scan.

[Beeping and clicking]

EDDIE:
This--is this it?

MARCUS:
Garage sale. Leave it.

Hello?

[Solina gasps]

[Gasps] Ohh.

[Panting]

Hello, precious.

Marcus, you idiot.

Question for you.

Are we supposed to make profit off of this?

Shh!

[Sighs]

What have they found?

Furniture, candlesticks...

some old piece-of-sh*t pottery.

I gotta tell you, babe.

This is one morbid old bastard you work for.

What about artwork or diamonds or gold?

F***ing crucifixes and coffee cups.

You don't build this kind of security...

without a gold mine to hide.

Listen to me.

You and I are going to find it.

Trust me.

[Screeches]

[Footsteps]

MAN:
Jesus Christ.

All the tunnels line up.

The main vault should be behind this door.

NIGHTSHADE:
Hey, Marcus. What's with all the voodoo?

EDDIE:
You really sure we want to do do this?

If it's worth locking, it's worth taking.

Breach it.

[Grunts]

What...the hell is that?

TRICK:
She said money.

She said gold!

I said he guarded it like gold.

I said I didn't know why.

F***ing thousand-year-old silverware?

EDDIE:
Probably got his goddamn mother in that thing.

TRICK:
Marcus?

Marcus!

DAX:
This is bullshit, man.

We're here for money, Marcus!

The skulls are to scare us.

The crosses, the coffin, all of it.

It's a grand-spanking mind f*** to scare off thieves.

MARCUS:
If you make a killing, why hide it in a safe...

SOLINA:
When you can hide it in a coffin?

MARCUS:
This look like an old wood box to you guys?

The Holy Grail, the Golden Fleece...

the crown-f***ing jewels, whatever it is, it's inside.

MARCUS:
Eddie, Dax, and Shade...

you get your gear and get this thing open.

No, I am not touching that f***ing coffin.

You want to get paid?

Get it open!

[Crowbar clangs]

EDDIE:
Wasn't part of the frickin' plan.

There's no latches here. There's no locks.

Yeah, well, it's gotta open somehow.

EDDIE:
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I got a seam here.

Aah!

[Gurgling]

Jesus Christ!

Get down!

[Gasps]

F***.

[Alarm ringing]

It's not possible.

Find us a goddamn hole and blow it!

This wall.

I am not touching anything.

You will do exactly what he tells you to do!

NIGHTSHADE:
Give me a hand with this.

- Find some spots.

- Right.

MARCUS:
Why do you build this?

All right, you guys. Get down.

One, two...

It's clear. Come on.

TRICK:
Yeah!

Whoo!

All right. Make a right.

Take another right to the river...

and then we're out.

[Grunts]

Hey, guys. The coffin.

What are you looking at? Help me!

Help yourself. Come on, let's go!

SOLINA:
Gentlemen...

we are not leaving without the prize.

[Water trickling]

God help us all.

[Panting]

[Growling]

[Panting]

[Sniffs]

[Sighs]

[Knock on door]

LUCY:
Hey, Mare. Rise and shine.

[Sighs]

Here's your coffee.

We're gonna be late.

[Whispering] Whatever.

MARY:
I've decided. I just won't let it get to me.

LUCY:
So, what do you think it is?

You tell me.

Your dot-com dream analyst says I'm having a baby.

Father Devereaux says I should go back to Xanax...

and your bartender friend Ray...

Ha! He insists I'm just repressed.

Ooh.

- Mm-hmm.

- What?

Nothing.

I just keep thinking, Mary, that maybe...

if you had a man in your bed, you might not--

I wouldn't need the man in my head. Thanks.

[Beeps]

Where are the guards? What happened?

We were robbed, Simon.

We were robbed. I told you.

SIMON:
But downstairs, it's all there.

What did they take?

VAN HELSING:
My private holdings.

SIMON:
The abbey.

Yes. My artifacts, textiles, everything that I call my own.

Where are the police? Why aren't they all over?

There's no need to inform the police.

The guards were not hurt.

I compensated them well. They understand my wishes.

I don't understand your wishes.

No police!

Simon, look.

VAN HELSING:
Some of my holdings were acquired...

in a manner not quite befitting the scrutiny of the law.

You understand what I mean, huh?

Where are you going?

Well, I must tend to this matter myself.

And in my absence, I will need you to run the business.

Matthew, what did they take?

Matthew.

Confide in me.

[Van Helsing sighs]

You've always trusted me before.

Christ, you've been like a--a father to me.

A father? Ha ha.

No, Simon.

That is something I was never meant to be.

MARCUS:
So, how long to the Caymans?

CHARLIE:
We're under an hour.

[Click]

God damn it!

[Panting]

Look, I told you.

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