Dream Lover Page #4

ugly and bored.

So I invented myself.

I made up Lena Mathers

and I became her.

They say you replace every molecule

in your body every seven years.

I changed my name eight years ago.

No more Thelma Sneeder.

Aren't you gonna give me

credit for it?

Doesn't it at least seem brave that I became

this completely different person?

It makes me look at you

in a completely different way.

Me or you?

Isn't the real question

who are you?

Are you really Ray Reardon -

- or is that the name

your parents hung on you?

Oh, you've always been a good boy, you've

gone along with who Ray was supposed to be.

Done what

Ray was supposed to do.

But who are you?

Where are you really from?

What do you really want?

I'm tired.

And I want to go to bed.

I tried to tell you so many times,

lying here like this.

I'd say to myself.

"Now, Lena, tell him".

I wish you had.

I was afraid...

...if you knew the real me...

...I'd lose you.

- You be a good girl now.

- Have a safe trip.

- You make her feed you.

- She does.

- Goodbye.

- Bye-bye.

If you're not divorcing me, I'd like

to send them money every month.

- Sure.

- Then we're okay?

Look at me.

Tell me it's the truth.

You know it is.

No matter who you were

and no matter who you are.

No matter who you will be.

I'm going to love you.

From now on better than ever.

I love you.

Announcing landing

of Flight 250 from Piru, Texas.

Now better than ever.

You're late, Ray.

The show's already started.

Ray! Ray, my boy!

You're looking grand!

You like these, huh?

And this?

Tell me, Ray. Tell me true.

Am I the girl of your dreams?

Actually...

Of course not!

Look! Looky here.

Some guys look at the eyes.

Some guys look at the thighs.

I just look at the purse.

How about that?

You like it, Ray?

Sure, you do!

Recognize her yet?

And now, the moment

we've all been waiting for.

The moment which will determine

Ray Reardon's fate...

Here she is, folks!

And last but not least, it's...

Baby Bob! Yeah!

For those of you who

don't remember Bob Baby -

- from last year's cutie-pie contest.

Well, he wasn't born yet.

Okay. And now it's Tina.

Cute as ever. Yeah.

And... Lena. Cuter than ever.

That's right.

All right, come on now, that's it baby,

don't serve it, baby. Feel the burn.

Attagirl! Okay.

And... Pinhead Ray, that's right.

Pinhead Ray with the perfect life.

He's got the perfect wife.

The perfect family.

Why, he's got everything

a man could possibly want -

- except a Wednesday afternoon

golf game.

And, well, a cute young mistress.

But never mind that now.

He doesn't have time

for any of these things -

Stop it, Norman.

That's not funny.

Exactly my point. According to the

East German judge Lena, it's not funny.

So now we come

to our legal beagle Elaine -

- and her client Bernardo

from West Side Story and...

A post. That is a

great post, by the way.

And now

let's turn the camera on...

This guy, yes!

This is a stupid guy.

This is a guy

who can't make a living.

- This is... This is...

- A pain in the ass!

A pain in the ass!

Thank you, Ray, thank you.

This is a guy

who's going nowhere fast.

- This is... This is...

- A pain in the ass!

A pain in the ass again.

Thank you, Ray, yes.

Will somebody stop him?

A pain in the ass!

Stop me? I can't be stopped.

That's enough, Norman.

For Christ's sake!

No one has to tell me twice.

Hey, where's the beer?

So... how's everything?

- Since we talked this morning?

- Come on.

Now come on, I haven't seen Lena in a while.

She looks great.

You're right, she looks great.

Four months after giving birth.

She looks really great.

- Very great, and I'll be honest with you...

- Yes?

No, I won't, actually.

I changed my mind

and I will not be honest.

Because it's just that...

I think I saw somewhere.

Where, for them,

giving birth is like

having an affair.

It gives them a glow.

A glow, yes.

So she's alive again in a whole

new way, and that's beautiful.

A glow?

You, by the way, can kiss my ass.

And that'll make us both happy.

It's the strangest thing.

See for yourself.

- Well, Bernardo?

- It doesn't look like him to me.

I rest my case.

He doesn't look like

either of his parents.

I think he was switched

in the hospital.

I'm sorry.

Is that what happened?

Did some drunken nurse

switch you?

There you go.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night, sweetie.

I can't.

I told you I couldn't.

Of course I want to.

It's just...

You just have to be patient.

Yeah?

I absolutely guarantee it.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

Bye.

Debby.

She wants me to go see

those male strippers.

That should be fun.

- Could you try her again. please?

- I just did, sir...

Keep trying her every

ten minutes until you reach her.

Yes, sir

but it's Wednesday.

I have that funeral tomorrow

so I'm leaving early.

Just keep trying, please,

until you go.

Yes, sir, of course.

F*** it.

I love these late dinners

after the kids are asleep.

You have a bruise on your leg.

- Christ.

- Where did you get it?

My shrink says I should -

Why do I always

have to go through this?

I'm clumsy. I bruise easily.

And I don't want to talk about it

every time I bump into a chair.

Did you cook this?

No, it's takeout.

- Why didn't you cook?

- What?

Why didn't you cook?

Cause cooking gets boring.

Why didn't you cook?

I work all day.

What's wrong with you?

I hope you enjoy

these psychotic episodes.

- So you go to his place?

- Excuse me?

You f*** him at his place?

What are you talking about?

Open it up.

Did your secretary tell you

I called today?

At noon.

I was out on site.

I called back all afternoon.

I had this fantasy

of coming to your office -

- and screwing your brains out

on top of your desk.

I guess the fantasy

was misplaced.

When you weren't there,

I went to my shrink's -

- and then I went to Debby's.

If you don't believe me,

call Debby.

Want to call her?

Go ahead.

The machine.

And you didn't

leave a message.

You want to leave

a message? Here.

You're sick.

Get some help.

Ray.

What do you want, Ray?

I know what you want.

Pretend it's all a dream.

Sorry I'm late, everybody.

Are you the temp?

- Yes. sir. Alice Keller.

- I'm Ray Reardon.

I guess my secretary left.

Have we met?

No, sir.

I don't believe we have.

Yes, we have.

Wait, you're...

You're friends

with my wife, right? Lena?

Sure, you are.

Lena Mathers.

You were at our wedding.

Tell me.

Hi.

What a nice idea

to meet in the park.

You recognize that woman?

You hired a temp

to be your friend?

A person's supposed

to have friends, right?

Everyone has friends.

When you told her what the job was, you

were laughing and making fun of me.

She didn't understand.

See, it wasn't

just that I became Lena -

- and Lena happened

to meet you.

I chose you.

I first saw you

five years ago in New York.

A party on the West Side,

Riverside and... 90 something.

I saw you.

And somehow I knew.

I knew you were it.

I was still married.

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