Dreamworld Page #2

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like throwing cakes and stealing

money...

Whoa. Watch it.

She's like this, she needs like

a doppler.

I don't like where this is

going.

I say "I like girl" and your

first response is

"I don't care, stay sad

forever. "

That's not that awesome. No,

that's not what friends do.

I'm not saying be sad forever. I'm

saying find your happiness elsewhere.

By the way, you're not the best judge

of character yourself, young lady.

Look at Sushi. She's kinda

wackadoodle...

And her name is "Sushi. "

Which is not a real name.

- It's her pen name.

- She doesn't write anything.

She has a journal.

Look, I'll be good.

I'm a big boy. I know my ladies.

I know how to work it, no

diggity.

Hey, I support you in your

endeavors, I'm just saying...

I don't to come and do the tag thing

at the coroner's office and be like...

- I don't want to do that.

- Whatever.

So be careful with her.

I know crazy chicks when I see

crazy chicks.

Hat's off to Lily.

Owwwww!

I have some really bad news, and I

really don't want to tell you this now.

No, I'm glad... No I'm glad you

called.

Hi.

Wow. Mr. Extreme Makeover.

Where are the...?

Contacts.

Do you still have, um, your

thingies in your trunk?

Say it.

Say it.

Panties.

What?

Panties. Paaaanties.

Yeah, come in.

Oliver...

Meet Goldie. Goldie, this is

Oliver.

You're going to be spending a

lot time together.

Am I going to die?

No.

You're going to live.

- So, I'm really doing this, huh?

- I know.

And you have your new, gross,

button-up...

...dead-end jobby job on Monday.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not anymore.

Bit of a wild man over here.

Yeah, why? You thought I was...

A little stick-up-the-butt-like.

It was time to take a chance and

do something insane.

Yeah? Why the change of heart?

I guess you could say life's handed

me a couple of crap popsicles lately.

Crap popsicles?

And I wanted to...

I wanted to see what this new

girl was all about...

I don't want to be

passenger-driver here...

but you know that PCH is like

the three-hours-longer route?

I'm sorry, do you have somewhere to be?

I think I'm kidnapping you.

So you can shut it...

Whoa.

It's also the more awesome

route.

I'm thinking I want some

caffeine before we go.

- Would you like some as well?

- Um, no, I...

You want to go rob this store

right now?

We just go in, we run in and we grab some stuff and we go.

We might be really good at it!

Like we could start a club.

What would our club be?

Well, The Caper Kind. Duh.

We would go and we would burgle, like,

every convenience store on every corner.

It would be awesome. We'd become

really famous and

And the police would always be two steps behind

us and every time they'd get there we'd be gone!

And they'd always go, "What sort of

robbery are we looking at, boys?"

And the other guy, the little fat

squirrelly guy, would be like,

"Gee Chief, I don't know. Sure looks,

sure looks like The Caper Kind. "

And, um, you know, we'd be

legends.

Also, we'd have lots of snacks.

Please don't take this the wrong way.

You're the weirdest person I've ever met.

- And I love it.

- Yeah?

Yeah.

- Hi. Hi Dave, this is Oliver Hayes.

I just wanted to call really quickly...

- Sorry to bug you on the

weekend, and, um...

A) thanks for the opportunity and

promotion - that's really cool of you.

Uh, I'm really excited, but I...

B) I don't know if I'll be able

to make it in on Monday.

I know haven't come into work yet and shouldn't

be taking a vacation yet, but that...

I met a girl. I didn't-I-

Is this the longest message you've ever gotten or what?

I will talk to you later, dude.

Stay cool, bye bye.

That was a disaster.

So that went, like, F-minus.

Sorry to hear that.

Are you OK?

Yeah, there was just this...

freaking creepy ass dude making some

creepy ass comments about me and

following me around the store,

so I decided-

Probably not a big deal, I mean, I don't mean

to be insensitive, but he probably just...

He was probably trying to flirt

with you, because...

It really bothers me when...

guys, cuz they always do...

think that just because they think a girl is hot,

that it's OK to make her feel uncomfortable.

Or to say stupid sh*t to her.

It's like...

Go away dude. It's so, so ridiculous,

it doesn't even make any sense.

You don't-I'm not just this. I'm this and I'm this.

And you don't know this, so...

Leave me alone. I hate it!

Look, I get it. I...

I mean I'm not a woman, so obviously I

don't get hit on very often, but...

I know what it's like to be hunted. I had this

bully in 6th grade who would make the A-OK symbol.

He was this big, huge guy named Ben Garvin, and if you

got caught looking in the center of this thing...

He would call you a b*tch, but he'd say

it in this weird voice, like "beetch. "

- What? -And it meant then that he could

hit you if you got caught looking

in the center of it. And so he

hit me all the time.

I'm sorry.

It's not cool, when you feel...

bullied.

Bullies suck.

- You know what doesn't suck?

- What?

Hot jams.

Where are we?

One of my most favorite places

in the whole world.

Not yet. We've got to wait for

the butterflies to wake up.

- The what?

- Uh huh.

Nap time.

Nap time.

Hi.

Hi.

So, uh, I probably shouldn't say this,

but Jules thinks you're trouble.

- Oh. Hmmmm...

- Uh huh.

I mean, you know...

We never really hit it off.

Right.

You and her are like BFF, right?

Yeah, I've know her a long time

and I've kind of always got along

better with girls than guys.

Yeah me too, just, um, vice

versa.

In fact one time...

- When I got my first toy,

it was a girl's toy. -What?

Yeah. I kicked ass on this spelling bee

and my dad let me pick out any toy,

and I loved Masters of the

Universe, so I picked out Teela.

Not Skeletor or He-Man. Teela.

Who's Teela?

She's like the mega-babe of the

show.

I guess I did that because I

was... so into the ladies?

Oh is that why?

Is that a good pick-up line?

That I'm so into the ladies?

- I haven't heard that one before.

- I wasn't picking you up.

You weren't? Am I not

pick-up-able?

- This is nice.

- Yeah.

- Oh you know who I think

actually lives here? -Who?

That Ben Garvin guy.

- Lives here in the forest? -No no,

silly, here in Santa Barbara.

- No! -Yeah, couple weeks

ago he contacted me

on the computer.

It freaked me out. I was like...

he found me.

And uh...

Yeah, man. Ghosts and demons

from the past.

- Ugh.

- Hmmm.

- Cool story.

- Whoa!

Hey, so I don't really like the

smell of gas on my hands.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah.

- Would you mind?

- That's fine you, little baby.

Thank you.

- Thank you.

- You bet.

- You're the best.

- I am the best.

I'm a professional gasser.

That doesn't sound right.

No, not really

Oh by the way, I would've

defended your honor,

if that guy came out, you know,

and tried to give you some guff.

I woulda given him one of these.

My hypothetical hero.

No I'm serious. I'm small, but

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