Drinking Buddies Page #3

Come on in.

Why don't you

put the groceries down,

and we'll just leave 'em,

and...

Wow.

Big reveal.

Oh, yeah, I can't

really take responsibility

for the decoration.

My cousin and her kids

kind of come up here a lot.

No, I love it.

She likes patterns.

Most of it

really hasn't been changed

probably in 40 years,

either.

Um...

All right.

Here's a bathroom

if anybody needs it.

Um, I expect you might.

It is... we're on a septic

line,

so try not to put any...

down that thing.

Great.

You guys are gonna be

in this room here.

Where do I put my tampons?

You keep them in a bag.

Is this us?

This is you.

What? In a cabin,

you keep them in a bag?

Why don't you two settle in,

clean up

if you want to clean up,

and we'll go

put the groceries away,

and then, you know,

if you want to crack a beer

or two or something.

Oh, yes, please.

Yeah, welcome,

but just, you know,

make yourself at home,

okay?

Thank you, man.

Great.

What is that?

It's really cute.

Yeah, it is.

I've got you alone in a cabin

with this thing.

How's the bed?

Uh...

Oh, it's squishy.

It is?

It's really... oop.

I feel like

we're gonna break it.

We're good.

Hi.

Morning.

[SIGHS]

You think I could make eggs

or something?

Yeah, sure.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

For a man who has everything,

he's only got little bowls.

Sorry.

That was a terrible joke.

Eggs?

Sure, yeah.

You close with your parents?

Sort of.

Sort of.

I mean, we talk.

I talk to them.

Yeah.

We don't hate each other.

That's a positive.

Are you?

Hey!

Hey!

You're up.

You look great.

Oh, thank you.

Here, let me help you up.

Oh, merci.

How are ya?

Got a mouthful of hair

just then, sorry. Sorry.

Good. I prefer it.

Good.

Hey. Morning.

Thanks for having us.

Sure. My pleasure.

Just coming to see if I can

interest you guys in a hike,

a little trail hike.

Will it offend you at all

if I say no?

Absolutely not.

No way, then.

I'm not going.

[LAUGHS]

If you don't mind.

Doesn't offend me at all.

Awesome.

Yeah, maybe... how about you?

You want to go?

I...

Probably spent the first month

trying to figure out

what was in it for her,

you know.

But I guess you have to take

a person at their word

that...

They're actually into you,

you know?

I don't know.

It's hard to figure women out.

Well...

Still working on it.

I mean,

you're an interesting...

[CHUCKLES]

Polite gentleman.

[LAUGHS]

I'm sure that's...

That's a good way to put it.

I'm sure that's a big factor.

No, that's a lovely...

that's a lovely way to put it.

Well,

I'll bet a lot of people...

I'm probably a little...

Interesting gentlemen

don't necessarily come in there

all the time.

I'm probably somewhere

on the Asperger's spectrum.

That's probably

a little closer to it.

All right, you ready?

Yes.

What's your first bet?

What's a good first bet?

$5?

We're gonna...

way more than that.

Let's say $100 minimum

at this table.

This is VIP.

I don't have $100.

Well,

the house will give you $1,000.

Not give you, but as a credit.

Oh, I was like,

"I love gambling!"

Yeah, you just went...

No, the house

will spot you $1,000,

because we know

you're good for it.

Great.

So $100.

Okay, I shouldn't...

$100.

Yeah, you don't want to go

$1,000 to start.

You want to go more?

No, I'll start with $100.

Okay.

Good luck to you.

A nine versus a face.

Hit me.

We got a nine and an eight.

That's a hard 17.

What do you say?

Hit me.

You want to hit with a 17?

Yeah, hit me.

That is a very bold...

And a bust, ma'am.

That is a 23.

We're really sorry.

You're down $100.

That's okay.

I was gonna say,

I wonder sometimes,

you know, if I'd have met

somebody like her or you

or, you know, somebody

that had that kind of...

thing going on

15 years ago...

Well, you know what?

I probably did.

I probably did meet somebody

like that.

And I probably

wasn't paying attention.

[LAUGHS]

You have lost every hand.

You are down $1,000.

I am yet to see my cards.

Will the casino kindly give me

another $1,000?

I'll tell you...

I'm good for it.

Kate, I...

This is like college.

I have never done this before,

but I'll talk to the pit boss.

We'll give you

another $1,000!

Yes! Thank you.

You better win it back, kid.

'Cause if you lose $2,000,

I personally

am gonna bust your legs.

I'm all warmed up now.

How much?

$100.

That low right now?

You're right.

Let's get weird.

$300?

Now we're talking.

Good luck, ma'am.

I really mean that.

I do work off tips.

This thing's amazing.

Where'd you get that?

It kind of came

with my... my pack.

It's fantastic.

It's a little... yeah.

It's a little dinky,

but it's got the tarp

underneath.

Yeah, it's, like, waterproof.

So it's, like, heavy-duty.

It's perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

I didn't think I brought...

was glasses for the wine.

But we can probably

just swig out of the bottle.

Are you cool

with that?

No, no.

I'm happy to see this.

I've... I've been

kind of dreading this,

'cause I felt

like you were so impressed

by my outdoorsy-ness.

Yeah?

And, um...

Uh, this is actually...

Are you f***ing kidding me?

Are you kidding me with that?

I know.

It's embarrassing.

Who are you?

It's... I'm a bourgeois pig.

That is... that is gorgeous.

Look at that.

Oh, my God.

I know. It's got,

like, silverware and...

Nah, that's great.

It has a cheese board.

You saved the day.

No, you just saved the day.

That's fantastic.

Now I'm fine.

I love it.

Yeah, I thought,

"I'll use this all the time. "

Jill, you're not

f***ing around, are you?

But this is actually the first

time I've gotten to use it,

so thank you.

I'm honored.

All right.

Here's to not f***ing around.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Can I get rid of these onions?

Is that fair?

No, that's part of it.

All right, let's have

one humongous sandwich,

and we'll cut it in half.

We won't use mayo.

That's a perfect compromise.

[GIGGLES]

This is the best sandwich ever.

Wait.

Can we get this disgustingness

off the top?

Yeah.

I don't know

if I put enough mustard on.

You have to put

a lot of mustard on.

I feel like I might...

may be

about to embarrass myself.

My heart's beating really fast.

Um...

How come?

Is that just me?

Maybe that's just me.

Sorry.

How come?

What's going on?

Um...

No, I just had, like,

a nervous feeling.

Um, but that just might be...

That just might be all me.

Oh, no, don't do that.

Don't do that.

[CHUCKLES]

We're even.

Yeah, all right.

We're even.

Okay.

Allow the moment to be even.

You don't say soy cheese.

I don't say mayo.

We're adults.

Oh, you are the worst.

Luckily I caught it.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Look at you.

You're a pirate.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

That help?

Okay, go!

[SQUEALS]

Oh!

[SQUEALS]

Ah, f***.

Here.

Okay.

10:
00.

[GRUNTS]

Oh.

[LAUGHS]

You broke my finger.

[LAUGHS]

[GRUNTS]

Don't even think about it!

Come on!

[LAUGHS]

Hey, doing okay?

Mm-hmm. You?

Good.

Oh.

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