Drive Hard Page #5

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- You almost killed me!

I didn't kill anybody. Let's go.

Let's hit the road.

I can't wait to go back to school.

Everybody is going to be so jealous.

Becca, this is not something to be

proud of, OK?

But mom, he was on television.

- That is so cool!

- Yeah.

Hello.

Tess? I mean hey, it's me!

How are you doing?

Where are you?

I'm on the road honey. How are you?

How is Becca? Did she hear about what

happened?

She knows. Believe me she knows.

What have you done Peter?

I... What have I...? Tessa, now

wait a second now.

You don't actually think that I...

I robbed a bank, do you?

- I mean that's not...

- You were driving the car!

No, no honey, I'm a hostage. The guy

took me hostage.

I was giving him a driving lesson.

The next thing I know

- we were being chased by the cops!

- This is Mr. Keller I presume?

You know him?

The Feds were here.

There's a cop in our house as we speak.

No, no, no, no. Tessa, Tessa...

you can't trust the cops.

I don't want you to tell them anything.

I want you to get the kid...

- and get out of there.

- I'm not going anywhere Peter.

- Tell me you didn't rob that bank.

- I did not... rob... the bank!

- I don't believe you.

- Gimmie that phone!

Was that Daddy?

- She doesn't respect you, man.

- She respects me.

- No she doesn't.

- Yes she does.

No she doesn't. She didn't believe you.

I didn't even believe you.

You sound like a p*ssy!

- You want to know why she doesn't respect you?

- No.

OK. Forget it.

Alright, why?

She doesn't respect you because you

were a great driver and you quit.

You were living on the edge and you were

good at it and that's why she liked you.

And now you gave it up and then she doesn't

respect you.

Alright, let me think about this. Let's

see... why did I quit?

- Yeah why'd you quit?

- Oh yeah, because... she told me to!

That's why I quit!

Well that's the first mistake. You

can't listen to what they say.

- They don't want you to do what they say!

- Unbelievable.

That's f***in ahh... "Woman 101"!

I was in love with a Korean girl but she

had the "hahn".

What the f*** is a "hahn"?

It's this... ancient kind of thing with Korean

women.

The women become like "Lady Vengeance".

They try to kill you. And they can't help

themselves because

of years of repression. I didn't know going

in and... I learned a lot.

- It's a cultural thing?

- Yeah, yeah.

Hey... uh... where did you get this car?

I got this car with money that I stole.

- Well, you got ripped off.

- What do you mean?

- It looks like we're overheating.

- F*** me!

The suspect has been identified as Peter Roberts,

a driving instructor from Drivers Wanted.

Police say Roberts and an accomplice held

up the International Bank and Trust this morning

- and made off with...

- That's my dad!

Footage of the car chase demonstrates the

driving skills of Roberts...

Go daddy go! Whooo!!!

Jimmy Carter was president the last time

this car had an oil change.

That's it. That ought to do it.

Alright, here we go.

What the hell are we going to do here?

We wait for somebody to show up

and then we steal a car.

Oh another felony. Great! Good!

My f***ing legs, man!

Good afternoon.

Are you here for the reception?

Yes, we are.

- Well, you are early.

- I know, I know. Do you mind if we wait?

Not at all.

You can wait in there if you like

until your friends arrive.

- You're very kind.

- Turn yourself in.

We will turn ourselves in when we

go to bed sweetheart.

Um... anything you want

you can just ask.

Perhaps a refreshment.

Thanks.

Feel free to steal whatever you like,

master criminal.

Just relax, Roberts and think what you're

going to do with all that money.

- Sorry, what money?

- You'll get your cut.

Ah! Right...

I'm a thief but not a liar.

I've never stiffed a partner

in my whole life.

- And how's that working out for you?

- What?

How is it to live like that?

Seriously.

What, as opposed to you?

You've got balls, Keller,

I'll give you that,

But not much else.

Well just because we're on the run

doesn't mean we have to live

like savages.

- Can I get you chardonnay?

- No thanks.

I'm the designated driver.

I've got a question for you.

Tell the truth.

I always tell the truth.

- Except when you're lying.

- Yeah, except then.

How many people have you killed? Murdered.

Wiped off the face of the earth.

How many?

Listen man,

you better be careful

with that grandmother back there.

I've looked in that b*tch's eyes.

The abyss is in there, man.

That b*tch is batshit crazy.

Don't f*** around with her.

- She's a nice old lady.

- Oh you fool!

You don't trust a single living

soul, do you?

I find people, you know, not that

surprising really.

They're usually more inevitable.

And inevitably they always choose greed.

Poor guy. Found out life wasn't fair.

Oh, come on!

F*** fair man, the game's rigged.

Guys like Rossi suck guys like you dry.

He was on his way to Davos, Switzerland.

You know, the economic forum there?

Apparently they are finalizing their plans

to secede from Earth to outer space

- with the rest of the ruling overlords.

- You're crazy.

The bastard was on a fast track

for a senior management position at AIG,

and we just f***ed up his plans.

And you know what, that feels really

f***ing good!

Alright, you made your point.

So take his money! Money he stole!

Send your kids to college.

Do something for your wife.

You want to call your wife?

You want me to dial her number? No?

- Bloom off the rose, is it?

- I really don't like you.

That's what happens when you try

to be someone that you're not.

What's that car doing out there?

They're here for the reception.

They're early. They'll have to wait.

Yes, I already told them that.

I know what I'm doing.

That'll be the day.

- F*** off prick!

- C*nt!

Have you ever been married, Keller?

Have you any idea what that might

be like?

Yeah, once.

Really? Wow!

The masochism of women never ceases

to amaze me.

Armed robbers raided the

International Bank and Trust

this morning

shortly after it opened.

The robbers made off with close to

9 million dollars.

Police so far have no clue

as to their whereabouts.

You must have been a real joy to

bring home to the family.

You probably stole all their silverware.

I'm going to

go out on a limb here and say she

dumped you, right?

- Is that what happened?

- She died.

F***. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

She didn't die.

She went back to Korea.

I told you, she had the "hahn".

Couldn't handle that sh*t, man,

it was too heavy.

F*** you. F*** you.

Citizen's arrest!

- Jesus Christ!

- Greedy bastards!

Come back here you cowardly bastards!

Ow!

You sh*t for brains,

you're going to be jailhouse p*ssy!

I'm going to make faggots of you all!

You cowardly a**holes!

Drop that gun! Give it to me!

Roberts!

Go ahead and hit me, panty waste!

- Oh, God damn it!

- Come on!

You're under arrest!

- I'm going to take you to...

- Come on !

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