Duck Butter Page #4

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with the work

The most important...

I want to be...

I want to work on movies

that respect...

-"I will make movies."

-...honesty.

I will make movies.

"And they will respect artists."

And they will respect artists.

"And then I will come

to your f***ing door,

-and knock-knock."

-And then I will... Okay.

"Come to your f***ing door

and knock-knock"?

Where does that one end?

"I'm gonna come to your door

and knock, knock," and what?

"And knock-knock to your door

and tell you..."

F*** you?

-Yeah! Good!

-I mean...

"I will make movies.

Ones that respect artists.

And then I will come

to your door..."

All caps. "Knock-knock,

and say, 'F*** you.'"

Okay.

-Should I send it?

-Yeah.

Wait, wait. No, no, no. Wait.

Okay. What are you gonna do?

-Record a sound.

Are you recording?

-What?

Oh. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Send it, send it.

It's 2:
00 a.m.

So what?

Means we have 17 hours to go.

I once met

an older gentleman.

He was, like,

a respected writer.

I was a fan of his,

and we started e-mailing

and it was kind of

just like pen pals.

And they were kind of funny.

They were, like, dirty e-mails.

And then I was

in New York once.

Told him I was there

and he wrote back

right away, like,

"Come over to my house."

He opened the door

and he had this real fake,

slick air about him.

And he was kind of leaning

on the door, like...

"Come on in."

But in that moment I realized...

I had complete control

over him, you know?

And I remember his kids

were sleeping in the other room,

so we had to go

into the guest room.

But you were there

to f*** him?

I didn't decide,

but once I walked in, I was...

I was like, that's what's

gonna happen.

-Yeah.

-Like I was there

to deliver something.

In exchange of what?

It was like I wanted

his respect or something.

But definitely

didn't get it by...

having sex with him.

Yeah. Was it good?

No, it was terrible.

-Really?

-Yeah, it was really bad.

F***, that sucks.

He started to go

down on me and...

came up and he was like

disturbed all of a sudden.

He...

pretty much said that...

there is too much, like...

uh, smegma.

-It's gross. It's like...

-Soft?

Yeah, it's a little like

cottage cheesy.

Like mantequilla de pato.

Manteqa de pato?

Mantequilla de pato.

Mantequilla de pato.

It's like duck butter.

Duck butter.

-Duck. Quack, quack.

-Right, right.

-I like that better.

-So, what happened?

He didn't like that?

He didn't like my duck butter.

And so he kind of like

awkwardly stood up

and left the room.

You should send him

a box with a pint of

mantequilla de pato.

-Just like a gift wrap?

-Yeah.

A present for his kid.

They can eat it.

I'll say,

"Happy Thanksgiving." Yeah.

Duck butter for your kids.

So I wanted to do a record

and I had no money.

So I made a deal with this guy,

a very successful businessman.

"You pay for my record

for three months,

and then I can be

your girlfriend."

That was our deal.

And what'd you have to do

with him?

I lived with him,

I slept with him.

For three months.

And at the end,

he stopped paying

for my record.

-Oh, man.

-Yeah, I know.

So I tape him

having sex with me,

and then I said to him,

"Okay, if you don't pay

for my record,

I'm going to show this

to everyone."

So he paid.

Yeah.

And then you just

stopped it and left?

Yeah.

All right.

What's that?

It's my face.

I love it.

I picture myself having sex

with a lot of people.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Like, with my friends.

-Mm.

-I think it's so hot.

Yeah.

-You okay?

-Yeah.

I think I've...

I think I've come too much.

We'll do it again.

Maybe I just need

a little break.

No problem. Don't worry.

You were sleeping like this.

-Yeah.

-Right? Yeah.

You are so sleepy.

-Yeah...

-Don't worry.

No, no, no.

Stop it! Seriously.

Stop, stop. Stop.

F*** off.

You okay?

Yeah. I, um...

I don't really feel

so good. Like...

I just feel a little, um...

I don't know. I don't know.

It's just...

Because of the sleep?

I think it was the combination

of the sleep and just...

staying awake.

I feel like I don't have

a lot, um...

a lot of brain power left to...

to even, like,

communicate anything.

It's because of me something?

It's because you're feeling

weird about me?

No, no, no.

But if you are, you can say it.

No, that's totally

not the reason, no.

What's going on, then?

You know...

I think it was just like,

you know, today it was like...

Like, I got fired earlier today,

and when I woke up...

You got fired today?

Yeah, this morning.

This morning you got fired.

'Cause you said recently.

Yeah.

So...

you got fired

and then you came here?

There was time in between,

but, yeah.

You came here

because you got fired.

No, that's not the reason

why I came here.

Yeah.

It is.

No.

No, it's not...

It's not like...

I mean...

I found out this morning...

I think you should go.

-Now.

-Yeah.

This will cleanse us.

Why do we have

to stay up all night?

-We have to.

-Yes.

Are you close with your mom?

Yeah. We talked every day.

Yeah?

-She's coming.

-What?

She's coming for the showcase.

So I have to have breakfast

with her tomorrow.

-Oh, no.

-Today.

Right.

We were supposed to go

to the Seven tomorrow.

What do we do?

Do we break the...

Oh.

I don't know.

You will be there

in the showcase?

Promise? Okay?

Of course.

Susanna, when I was four,

we were in the street,

and I said to her

that I wanted normal mom.

And she said to me,

"Okay, just go and find her."

And she left me

in the middle of the street.

When you were four?

I spent the whole afternoon

trying to find the way

back home.

And then a neighbor found me.

And my mom said to me,

"Did you find her?"

And I was like...

And she said, "Good,

because I don't want

a normal daughter."

She said, "I don't want

a normal daughter"?

Yeah.

Whew.

How about your mom?

She's pretty like...

kind of strong, loud lady

from the Middle East.

She came over,

like, in the '70s.

But I got along better

with my dad.

Why?

She didn't really like the way

that I was like...

kind of a tomboy in school

and... I don't know.

Are you angry with her?

I think I have a lot of anger

with her, but I, like...

Have you talked

about that with her?

No.

Yeah, but that's inside.

This anger is there.

For a time.

Have you done meditation?

No, I haven't.

It kind of freaks

me out, you know.

-You do it?

-Yeah.

When I'm getting

anxious, like...

Like an anxiety attack,

I start thinking like a river

is crossing over me,

and I start describing

this river, and then...

I try to change the river

into a new river.

How is your river?

-My river is so brown.

-Oh, it's so chunky.

-It's brown...

-Yeah, I got brown, chop--

All the time, during that,

coming out of my...

Yeah, it's loud, it's choppy.

Okay, sit up.

Okay, you have your mom

in front of you.

-Okay, yeah.

-Just tell her

all the sh*t you wanna

make sure she knows.

Susanna, you're f***ing crazy

leaving me at four years old

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