Easy Rider Page #4

and charge admission to see 'em.

Those are what is known

as "country witticisms".

What are they doin' here?

- I don't know.

- I'm gonna ask for a ride.

Don't be foolish. No.

- They'll laugh in your face.

- Yeah.

I'm gonna ask 'em.

Not when I'm around

you're not gonna ask 'em.

- I don't think you're gonna.

- Go ahead.

Go ahead.

You know, I thought at first

that bunch over there...

their mothers may have been frightened

by a bunch of gorillas...

but now I think they're a cult.

One of 'em is Alley Oop,

I think, from the beads on him.

One of 'em, darn sure,

is not Oola.

Look like a bunch of refugees

from a gorilla love- in.

- A gorilla couldn't love that.

- Nor could a mother.

I wouldn't even mate him up with one

of those black wenches out there.

Oh, now,

I don't know about that.

That's about as low as they come,

I'll tell you.

- Oh, he's a biggie.

- Man, they're green.

No, they're not green.

They're white.

White?

You're color-blind.

I just got to say that.

I'd like to get some food.

I thought most jails

were built for humanity...

and that won't quite qualify.

- Wonder where they got those wigs from?

- They probably grew 'em.

Look like they're standin'

in fertilizer.

- Nothin' else would grow on 'em.

- I'm not real hungry at the moment.

- You know what I mean?

- I saw two of 'em one time.

They were just kissin' away.

Two males! Just think of it.

What you think

we oughta do with 'em?

I don't know, but I don't think

they'll make the parish line.

Let's split.

- Split?

- Yeah.

Yes, sir,

it certainly has been nice.

They got some fancy bikes out there.

That's some Yankee queers.

Check the flag on that bike.

It sure is.

I still say they're not gonna make

the parish line.

Here come the poontang.

Hey, y'all,

could we have a ride?

- You want a ride?

- Yeah. Please?

You got a note from your moms?

- My old lady won't mind.

- Please let us have a ride.

I wouldn't mind

giving you a ride.

Uh-oh. The Man

is at the window.

The Man is at the window.

Oh, come on.

The Man is at the window!

I'd love to take you girls

for a ride.

You know, this used to be

a hell of a good country.

I can't understand

what's gone wrong with it.

Everybody got chicken,

that's what happened.

Hey, we can't even get into

a second-rate hotel.

I mean, a second-rate motel,

you dig?

They think we're gonna

cut their throat.

- They're scared, man.

- They're not scared of you.

They're scared of what

you represent to 'em.

Hey, man, all we represent to them

is somebody who needs a haircut.

Oh, no.

What you represent to them

is freedom.

What's wrong with freedom?

That's what it's all about.

That's right.

That's what it's all about.

But talkin' about it

and bein' it...

that's two different things.

It's real hard to be free...

when you are bought and sold

in the marketplace.

'Course, don't ever tell anybody

that they're not free...

'cause then they gonna get

real busy killin' and maimin'...

to prove to you that they are.

Oh, yeah, they gonna talk to you

and talk to you and talk to you...

about individual freedom.

But they see a free individual,

it's gonna scare 'em.

Well, it don't make 'em

runnin' scared.

No. It makes 'em dangerous.

Swamp.

Yeah, right, man.

- Swamp.

- Swamp!

You ever...

You ever talk to bullfrogs

in the middle of the night?

Not generally.

You know what I used to do?

What did you used to do?

I'll tell you one thing

I didn't used to do...

is talk to bullfrogs

in the middle of the night, fool.

Sh*t!

You're out of your mind!

That's right.

Hey, man.

You okay?

Oh, God, man.

Oh, God.

What are we gonna do

with his stuff, man?

Get it to his folks.

There's not much here.

There's some money

and his driver's license.

There's a... Oh, man,

here's his card, man.

He ain't gonna be using that.

We'll go there for one drink.

Just one drink.

No, man. Hey, listen. Seriously.

He would have wanted us to.

"If God did not exist,

it would be necessary to invent him."

That's a humdinger.

I'm getting a little smashed, man.

A little smashed.

Wow, it's hot in here, man.

Chicks, man.

Where are those chicks, man?

Look at this one.

- It's okay.

- Good-bye, girls.

- Howdy.

- Hello.

My name is Billy...

and this here

is Captain America.

Excuse me one minute, ladies.

Do you mind if I take

the tall one, man?

- No, that's all right.

- Oh, thank you, man.

Come on, you little hoofer, you.

Get yourself over here.

You ol' thing, you.

I'm really from New York.

This is all just a weird act.

You're a freak, aren't you?

My name is Mary.

- You want a drink, Mary?

- No, thanks.

What's this?

- Is this really your hair?

- What is this?

Is this really your hair?

Are you kidding me?

- What are these things?

- Well, what are these things?

I'm kind of a freak myself.

I never really thought of myself

as a freak...

but I love to freak.

- What's happening outside?

- What?

In the street.

What's happening? Mardi Gras.

Oh, well, it's crowded

and all that.

Yeah.

Want a drink?

- Here's to you.

- Thank you.

What's the matter?

Don't you like me?

- What?

- You paid for me, right?

Well, that was for my friend.

I don't...

- Why don't I buy you a drink.

- I don't drink.

I've got an idea.

Let's go outside.

We'll all go outside

to Mardi Gras.

Okay?

When the saints go marching in

When the saints

go marching in

You know I want to be

in that number

When the saints go marching in

Now when the saints

go marching in

Oh, when the saints

go marching in

I want to be in that number

When the saints go marching in

Oh, when the saints

go marching on in

Oh, when the saints

go marching in

You know I want to be

in that number

When the saints go marching in

What's that?

What's that?

Never mind.

Just shut up and take it.

Yeah, right.

What do you do with it?

- Give it to me.

- Just shut up and take it, man.

Put it under your tongue.

I believe in God...

the Father Almighty...

Creator of heaven and earth...

Going up for the last time.

The last time. The last time.

...was crucified,

died and was buried.

He descended into hell. The third day,

He arose again from the dead.

He ascended into heaven and sitteth

at the right hand of God...

the Father Almighty,

Creator of heaven and earth.

I believe in God, Father Almighty,

Creator of heaven and earth...

and in Jesus Christ,

his only Son, our Lord.

Shut up.

Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost,

born of the Virgin Mary...

suffered under Pontius Pilate,

was crucified, died and was buried.

He descended into hell. The third day,

He arose again from the dead.

He ascended into heaven...

and sitteth at the right hand of God,

the Father Almighty.

From thence He shall come

to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Ghost,

the holy Catholic Church...

the Communion of Saints,

the Forgiveness of sins...

the Resurrection of the body

and Life everlasting.

Amen.

Glory be to the Father

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