Eat

1

(Loud bang)

(Alarm beeps)

(Groaning)

Great.

("Beauty Killer"

by Jeffree Star)

So self-obsessed with

my mascara and mistakes

Vanity's like a funeral

and everyone's at my wake

Before I run out of air

there's more makeup to apply

Doll eyes stare into

Valium-colored skies

I've got a sweet tooth

and strawberry youth

You wanna be my licorice

and misguided youth

And right now

I'll show you how

I'm a beauty killer

Rhinestone my eyes closed

and please fix my hair

This concealer can't

hide all my pink nightmares

Before I run out of air

there's more makeup to apply

Doll eyes stare into

Valium-colored skies

I almost died

but it felt great

Faking perfection

wasn't worth the wait

I may be easy, easy to hate

But you're so f***ing

easy, easy to break

I've got a sweet tooth

and strawberry youth

You wanna be my licorice

and misguided truth

And right now

I'll show you how

I'm a beauty killer

Doll eyes stare into

Valium-colored skies

Doll eyes stare into

Valium-colored skies

Doll eyes stare into

Valium-colored skies

Doll eyes stare into

Valium-colored skies

I'm a beauty killer

Gorgeous killer

Hot pink killer

Fierce killer

I'm a beauty killer

I'll f***ing kill you

Hello Novella.

Oh, hey Tracy.

What happened to your agent?

What's that?

Oh, I saw that you're

not with Teller & Davis

On the sign-in sheet.

Oh yeah, I've been

thinking about moving on

For a while now.

Really, hmm.

Olivia Thompson said

they let you go.

No, I moved on.

Did you ever get

a call back for that

Budweiser commercial?

Sure didn't.

Oh really?

Well, I got the part.

We're lensing next week.

Oh.

That's great.

Who's the producer on that?

Kurt Hansen.

I thought he was gay.

What does that matter?

Because he's

obviously hiring you

So you could blow him.

Everyone does.

What would a gay

guy get out of that?

F*** off.

I mean I guess it

doesn't really matter,

Getting your dick

sucked by a girl

Probably feels

the same as a guy.

Besides, it's not like

he's butt-f***ing you,

Although I'm sure you

offered that, too.

You can say whatever

you want to, darling.

But the truth is,

you're terrible.

That's why you

don't get the parts.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, what are you, like 40?

I'm barely 30, idiot.

Okay, let's see here.

Oh, Tracy.

Hey baby, come on in.

Um, ma'am?

We were here first.

Sorry sweetie, but the

producer specifically

Requested her for this one.

I'm sure they did.

Yeah, sorry sweetie.

Eat your heart out.

What a b*tch.

I know right?

(Car alarm unlock tweets)

(Shrill static)

Sh*t.

(Knocking)

Eesha.

Novi!

Hi, Eesha.

How are you, I just

saw you coming in.

I'm good, how is Jethro doing?

Oh, he's doing fine,

he just has started

Picking on his privates so I

had to put the cone back on.

It must be strange to

have your privates cut off

Like that, you know?

Poor little guy.

Yeah, so did you have

any auditions or callbacks?

Yeah, I had some

auditions today.

How did they go?

Good, you know, we'll see.

I just wanted to know

how your month was going,

It's almost the end of

the month, you know?

Mmm-hmm, yeah,

time sure flies by.

It sure does, yeah,

it just seems like

Last month just ended.

Sure does.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah.

Well um, have a good night.

You too, bye Jethro.

Say bye-bye Jethro,

come on, say bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Oh, bye-bye, he's

saying bye-bye.

Okay.

Oh, bye-bye, oh bye-bye.

(Phone vibrates)

Hello?

Oh hey, what's up?

Yeah.

Sure.

I'll see you there in 20.

Eh, I'll tell you

about it later.

Okay, yeah, sounds good.

Cool.

See you then, bye.

Whatever.

So then the casting

director comes out,

Doesn't even look at

the sign-in sheet,

And lets Tracy audition.

She didn't even

look at the list.

Is she the b*tch that got

the commercial over you?

Not just the

commercial, but like,

The last four or five

roles I've tried out for.

I hate her.

Was she that good?

I don't know, I haven't

seen any of her sh*t.

Well, is she really

hot or something?

No.

I mean she's cute, but not like

Out-of-this-world beautiful.

Right.

And she's got like

this snaggletooth.

Oh, gross.

She's younger, that's

mostly the reason.

Well how young?

I don't know, early 20s.

Whatever it says on my headshot.

Look Novi, I know that

this has been really tough

For you, okay?

But you're a really good

actress, and I think

That you just need

to tough this out.

Candice, I haven't

gotten a part

In the last three years.

Nothing, not even

a corporate video.

Well you're not trying to

do a corporate video, Novi.

I mean you're trying

to become a movie star

So that you can f***

Michael Fasbecker.

Candice I can't get anything.

So what, are you

gonna quit, just because

You're going through

a rough patch?

A rough patch is three

weeks or three months,

Not three years.

I think that you should

give it a couple more weeks.

I mean, it's always

darkest right before

The sun comes up.

It's before the dawn.

What?

Nothing.

So, you girls wanna

dance or something?

It's Candice and Novella, right?

Why don't you go

grab me another drink?

Another one?

You haven't said two

words to me all night.

Well, I'm sorry

baby, but you know,

We've just been

talking about some

Really serious sh*t

over here, you know?

Yeah, sounds like it.

You know what?

If you go get me another

drink I'll make it up to you,

I promise, I'm just

starting to get my buzz on.

Yeah, great.

Look, I have a gun

right here in my purse,

And I'm not afraid to

shoot your dick off

Right now on this couch.

But if you go get

me and my girlfriend

Another drink, I'll be

happy to make it up to you

With a handjob in the bathroom.

So now which one of those

scenarios would you prefer?

Hmm?

Baby girl, do you

want another drink?

Yep.

Hey, Louis CK, yeah, you.

You wanna get my girl

a vodka and soda?

Yes, sir.

Thanks.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

Sh*t, you know

what, I've gotta pee,

I'll be like two seconds, okay?

Can't you wait,

we're on our way out.

Novi, I've already

like, broken the seal,

I mean that dipshit just

bought me like, four beers.

I'll be right back.

Well hurry up,

I don't feel good.

Okay, I'll be right

back, but just watch out

For Ren and Stimpy, okay?

How's it goin'?

What's your name?

Novella.

Are you an actress?

Why do you ask?

You have a movie star name.

Thanks.

What's your last name?

McClure.

Really?

That's an incredible name.

What do you do?

I'm an actress.

Seriously?

I knew it, you're

beautiful and skinny,

You have an amazing name.

Don't worry I'm not

gonna friend you

On Facebook or anything.

Oh, good.

So uh, what's your

name and occupation?

Me?

Um, my name is

Simon, I am a doctor.

Call me Dr. Simon if you want.

That's what I call myself, so.

Are you really a doctor?

I am.

So, do you save

people's lives and stuff?

I do, if you

consider saving lives

Talking to rich people

about how bored they are.

Mmm, not so much.

Yeah, me neither.

I usually just tell

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