Eat That Question: Frank Zappa in His Own Words Page #4

shot it in seven days

at Pinewood Studios in England,

and it was transferred

to 35 mm film by a company called Vidtronics

that has a process that takes

the normal TV line,

which is straight, and makes it

go wiggly like that,

and they interlock, and the result is, on film,

it looks like a 35 mm negative.

You are Volman.

See, but you're getting Martin

back there and everybody.

You're waking them all up.

Well, you may call me Rance Muhammitz.

It took four years

to write the orchestra music.

It took about two and a half or three weeks

to write the script.

It took 10 days to rehearse it,

seven days to shoot it,

11 days for videotape editing,

and three months for film editing,

and the rest of the time was negative cutting

- and transfer...

- And, you know,

talking about all that time,

we've ran out, Frank.

So, why don't you stay with us, and I'll say

we'll continue right after this word.

Ooh, the way you love me, lady

I get so hard now I could die

Ooh, the way you love me, sugar

I get so hard now I could die

Open up your pocketbook

Get another quarter out

Drop it in the meter, mama

And try me on for size

As far as anyone here can remember,

this is the first time anything of this sort

has ever happened at the Albert Hall.

5,000 or so fans were booked

for the Frank Zappa concert

with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra.

Then the Albert Hall management

got a copy of his script

from his agent who'd hired the hall.

You've had bookings for pop concerts

in Albert Hall before,

surely you must have learned

to expect this type of thing.

Yes, I think it's a little more than a...

A little more than a pop concert, you see.

This was booked as a concert,

and it was only after that

that we were told that it was

all part of a film with a script,

in addition to the songs and the music.

But who are you trying to protect

by canceling the concert?

The reputation of the hall, I suppose.

Anybody who might come

thinking that they're going to hear

a concert with the

Royal Philharmonic Orchestra,

our seat holders.

I don't see why the Albert Hall

would need a script in the first place,

because we weren't doing a play,

we were doing an orchestra

and group concert.

And we gave them a copy

of the lyrics in their original form,

along with a copy of the lyrics

as we would amend them to

remove any objectionable words.

And then we found out that one of the things

that they were complaining about was a line

in one of the orchestra pieces

where somebody says,

"You know what kind of a girl

works in a boutique?

"The kind of a girl with a sister

who wears a brassiere to a pop festival."

Now, that was one of the things

that they objected to in the text.

And so, you know, we said,

"We'll take the 'brassiere' out

"if that offends you," you know.

Or maybe it was "pop festival"

that would offend them.

But we gave them two sets of lyrics,

and they got a choice to choose between.

Do you think there was anything

in your piece that the

average person in Britain today

would consider obscene?

No.

Do you think people are still

as hung up hearing dirty words as they were

when you first started saying them?

Well, first of all, there is

no such thing as a dirty word.

I... Here's my stock line about that.

There is no word,

nor any sound that you can make

with your mouth,

that is so powerful that it will condemn you

to the lake of fire

at the time when you hear it.

Dirty words don't exist.

This is a fantasy that is manufactured

by religious fanatics

and government organizations

to keep people stupid.

Any word that gets the point

across is a good word.

If you want to tell somebody to get f***ed,

that's the best way to tell them.

You know, that does the job.

And I'm interested in

getting the point across fast,

and so I use my native language

to the utmost of its capabilities.

It's got great things in it.

I like the American language.

Penis dimension

Penis dimension

Penis dimension is worrying me

I can't hardly sleep at night

'Cause of penis dimension

Do you worry?

Do you worry a lot?

Do you worry?

Do you worry and moan

That the size of your cock

Is not monstrous enough?

It's your penis dimension

Sometimes when... To see you in action

or see the group in action,

gives an impression

of being very well-rehearsed,

very, very well-written.

Are there no improvisations at all

in the concert?

There's plenty of improvisation in a concert,

but what you see as being well-rehearsed

is the structure that allows

that improvisation to occur

within specified time periods

during the show.

And that improvisation includes

not only instrumental solos,

but also dialogue that can be inserted

and different vocal things

that can be done during a show.

Or also the sequence of events in a show.

That's all subject to change

from night to night.

But the blocks of material,

each song is pretty thoroughly rehearsed.

I don't like to go out onstage

and slop around.

The air

Escaping from your pits

The hair escaping from my teeth

From you

My hands are gripping but they're slipping

And they're dripping 'cause I'm tripping

I got busted...

You're mainly the boss.

Well, I don't like to think of myself as a boss.

You know, that sounds snotty.

In regards to the group,

I function in the same way

that a conductor of

a symphony orchestra functions,

with the slight difference

that I'm also the author

of the musical material

that's being performed.

But if I direct the group,

it has nothing to do with,

you know, imposing my will upon them.

It's like a referee at a sports match,

where I will decide what the balance

between the instruments is,

and who's going to play what,

when they come in and so forth.

It helps to keep the material organized.

The Bee Gees!

Won't you be

Hear my

Plea

Do any or has any of your band members

throughout the years used drugs,

and how do you control your band members?

Do you have a tight reign on them

as far as drug use?

When a person takes the job in the band,

they understand that

what they do in their private lives

is their business, but if they're on the road,

they are representing me,

they're representing my music,

and they're representing

the need for the audience

to get entertainment on time.

That means you don't go to jail

while you're on the road, okay?

And so I ask them not to use drugs.

If they want to do it

when they get home, fine,

but when they're on the road,

please don't do it.

Because it's...

Aside from the chemical damage,

there's the legal risk that somebody's

gonna take their freedom away,

and I'm gonna be sitting there going,

"Where's the drummer?"

You know?

I don't want any of that.

And I have fired people for using drugs.

What was your initial reaction to drugs?

I mean...

Well...

I've never taken any acid.

I've smoked about 10 joints

over a period of nine years.

They gave me a sore throat

and made me sleepy.

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