Eat That Question: Frank Zappa in His Own Words Page #6

She made a bet with her sister

Who's a little bit dumb

She could prove at any time

All men was scum

I don't mind that she called me a bum

But I knew right away

She was really gonna come

So I got down to it

Whipped off her bloomers

And stiffened my tongue

And applied rotation to her sugar plum

I poked and stroked till my wrist got numb

Still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm

Dinah-Moe Humm

Dinah-Moe Humm, Dinah-Moe Humm

Where's this Dinah-Moe coming from?

I done spent three hours

And I ain't got a crumb

From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe

Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe Humm

Got a spot that gets me hot

And you ain't been to it

Got a spot that gets me hot

And you ain't been to it

Got a spot that gets me hot

You ain't been to it

Got a spot that gets me hot

You ain't been to it

'Cause I can't get into it unless I get out of it

And I gotta get out of it to get myself into it

I can't get into it unless I get out of it

And I gotta get out of it before I get into it

She looked over at me with a glazed eye

And some bovine perspiration

on her upper lip area

And she said

And here's what she said

"Just get me wasted and you're halfway there

Cause if my mind's tore up

"Well, then my body won't care"

I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin

And said, "My, my, my

"What sort of thing

Might this lady get high upon?"

The $40 bill didn't matter no more

When her sister got naked

And laid on the floor

She said, "Dinah-Moe might win the bet

"But she could use a little

"If I wasn't dead yet"

I told her just because the sun

Want a place in the sky

No reason to assume I wouldn't give her a try

So I puffed on her hair

Got her legs in the air

And asked her if she had

any cooties in there...

Frank, whatever happened to Popestock,

as you called it?

When the Pope wanted us to...

When the Pope thought

that maybe you would play

- at a huge benefit...

- Well, you have to understand, it's...

We're not talking about

the Pope that's in there now,

and we're not talking about

the quickie guy who died,

who was, you know, just in there a little bit.

It was the one before that,

who got in touch with my former manager,

and asked if we would go to the Vatican

and play a special concert at the Vatican

that would draw all these

children to the Vatican,

so that he could address them

and deliver his message to them.

And I refused to do it.

- You refused to do it.

- Yeah.

Why didn't you do it?

I don't do it for the Pope,

and I don't do it for political leaders,

I don't do it for unions,

I don't do it for organizations.

I do it for music.

We've been offered, three or four times,

to play for the big

communist party picnic in France,

you know, the... Which is the big

social event there they have every summer.

And they offer a lot of money.

You know, "We'll pay you. Come and do this.

"Everybody will see you."

No, I don't want to work for the Communists.

F*** the Communists, you know.

I don't like those people.

And I do my music for people who like music.

Hey, there, well, I'm Bobby Brown

They say I'm the cutest boy in town

My car is fast

My teeth is shiny

I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie

Here I am at a famous school

I'm dressing sharp and I'm acting cool

I got a cheerleader here

Wants to help with my paper

Let her do all the work

And maybe later I'll rape her

Oh, God, I am the American Dream

I do not think I'm too extreme

And I'm a handsome son of a b*tch

I'm gonna get a good job

And be real rich...

They could never play

Bobby Brown on U.S. radio.

It was successful because, outside the U.S.,

the song was played on the radio.

People, I was not ready...

I'm not sure that it was the lyrics

that really made it popular.

The place where it took off first was Norway,

and the people liked the tune.

I remember going to Norway,

when the thing was still a hit,

and going to a disco,

and seeing people dancing close together,

like it was a ballad.

They were out on the dance floor.

It was the song to slow-dance to

in Norwegian discos.

It was the largest-selling single

in CBS's history,

in Scandinavia, at that time.

Am I a boy or a lady?

I don't know which

I wonder, wonder, wonder, wonder

So I went out and bought me a leisure suit

I jingle my change, but I'm still kind of cute

Got a job doing radio promo

And none of the jocks

Can even tell I'm a homo

Eventually, me and a friend

Sorta drifted along into S&M

I can take about an hour

on the tower of power

Long as I get a little golden shower

Oh, God, I am the American Dream

With a spindle up my butt

Till it makes me scream

And I'll do anything to get ahead

I lay awake nights saying, "Thank you, Fred"

Oh, God, oh, God, I'm so fantastic

Thanks to Freddy, I'm a sexual spastic

And my name is Bobby Brown

Watch me now

I'm going down

And my name is Bobby Brown

Watch me now, I'm a-goin' down

My name is Bobby Brown...

That's Frank Zappa, ladies and gentlemen,

one of the legends, legendary man.

Used to watch this man when I was just a kid.

Just a kid out there

in the slums of Beverly Hills.

And, multi-faceted composer, am I right?

- Right.

- Right.

How many songs have you composed?

- 300.

- You're kidding! 300?

Well, why would you kid about that?

Master musician.

Film director, right?

- Right.

- Producer?

- Yep.

- Motion...

Not a motion picture, but you're kind of

a record company magnate.

- You have your own building, at this point?

- Yes.

You always were a renegade

against the music business.

Why?

Because most of what

the music business does

is not musical.

What do you mean by that?

Because it's designed to create product

and not to create music.

There's this lack of integrity,

is what you're saying.

Well, the music business, as a business,

is interested in doing things

that I'm not interested in.

All right, here is Frank Zappa's new album

called Tinseltown Rebellion.

Now, there's some very, very

interesting lyrics,

and I would like to read some of them to you.

"Did you know that, in Tinseltown..."

That's Hollywood, right?

"Hollywood," as they say out here.

"The people there think substance is a bore

"And if your New Wave group looks good

"They'll hurry on back for more

"Of leather groups and plastic groups

"And groups that look real queer

"The Tinseltown aficionados

Come to see and not to hear."

- That's pretty explicit, isn't it?

- Yeah.

In other words, what are we saying?

That the lyrics have

the intellectual consistency of toothpaste?

That guys just want to make money?

The record guys?

Is that what you're telling us?

- I... Let me quote to you...

- Please.

...from something that I prepared

for Newsweek magazine,

which they have since rejected.

I wrote this little article for the section

in there that's called "My Turn,"

and the name of the article was Say Cheese.

And the whole idea of the

article is, we, as a nation,

have chosen cheese as a way of life.

Everything that we choose to do,

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