Eating Out

Coming!

Who is it?

Phone service ma'am.

Phone service ma'am.

Hi.

Howdy ma'am.

The phone. it's in my

boudoir.

it works fine ma'am.

Does it?

You didn't call me for the

phone.

I did.

Where do you think you're

going?

Maybe this isn't such a good

idea.

You called me for a reason.

Okay...

I thought you were cute.

You like that, huh.

Please.

Hold still.

Please...

stop, this isn't funny.

it's not funny to call in fake

phone trouble and waste my time.

You're scaring me.

Damn right, b*tch.

Stop!

I have a stun gun in here!

Go for it.

Did you come?

No...

did you?

No, I was faking it for you.

I was faking it for you!

Jesus Christ, I thought you

were-

I thought You were coming.

I'm sorry Tiffani, i-

I can't get into it with you

Caleb, You didn't even

grab my titties.

it didn't occur to me.

My titties didn't occur to

you?

Look at them Caleb.

They occur to every man i

meet.

But not you!

I don't think this is working.

I can be meaner.

I need a little shake en' bake

in my iife.

I need to feel...

dirty.

Filthy.

You're so...

S.u.V.

Double coupons.

Family fun.

I'll break stuff next time.

Caleb, it's over.

Tiffani...

Good-bye.

I waited twenty-four days to

have sex with you.

Well

I didn't want to seem like a

slut.

Tiffani...

Caleb?

Leave. I gotta jetta.

My belt?

F***ing b*tch!

I'm still not buying it.

Give me another chance.

I am not...

a slot machine.

Goodbye Caleb.

You're a...

decent boy.

Nice ass.

Heterosexuals are a f***ed

up species.

Twenty-four days!

And then one week of not

raping her mean enough

and then I get shut out!

Almost like a computer man.

You do every little thing right.

and then wham

sad face fatal error

For us, sex on the first date

is a given.

You figure out hardware

mismatches

and move on.

Oh, well it's just so easy bake

for you.

Most guys don't know when

to

stop moving on.

At least you get laid all the

time.

Hey, it's like 104 days

between dates for me,

because I don't look like you.

Like me?

I am not gonna stroke your

gorgeous,

muscular ego.

So what happened to that

Jason thing?

Justin.

Guys around here are like

day-old donuts,

I mean I eat them because

they're there,

but you don't want to invest

anything in them.

At least you got a whole box

right there.

You don't have to starve.

Caleb, I'm on Friendster,

my life is so Not-Having-Sex

and the City right now.

if oniy I were gay.

Honey,

come out or stay in,

do not Heche me into a

Mariah.

I don't mean literally.

Oh of course, liliterally.

You know what I mean.

You know

it's easier for us to get

chicks too.

Straight girls love gay boys.

I could have any girl I wanted.

Shut the f***.

Serial killer.

Remember Marcy Brooks?

Shut the f***! Milkshake

Marcy?

Senior year, right after i

came out,

senior year

she offered to Hoover me.

To see if she could she could

cure me.

But you were a geekazold.

No offense.

Because I'm gay.

Now I really want to be a fag.

You and Ricky Martin both.

Jennifer Seaver.

Jenny the Beaver!? Fire-

crotch?

Shoves her fist in my pants.

Full-on grabs my corndog.

Swearto God I was gonna

puked.

They feel safe with us

because we're not a threat.

Like how they get naked in

front of puppies.

We're just puppies with d*cks.

You know, some girls with

their puppies-

let them eat them right out.

Read that in the Kinsey

report.

My spec-i-a-lity.

What I woulda done with the

Beav.

impregnated her.

Got a sh*t job.

Sounds real hot.

She's not even your type.

So

you think more girls would go

for me if they thought I was gay.

Stop thinking.

You just look pretty and turn

the letters.

No! But I mean-

Let's get a Sofia Coppoia

things straight here.

Being gay is more

than listening to good music

and eating low fat foods.

There are certain things you

have to do to convince the general public.

Oh. Maybe we could stage a

bashing?

No,

What you need to do is

find the loudest queen on

campus

and smoke his pole.

That would be a wrist stamp

to p*ssy smorgasbord.

I'm hungry.

I'm not your b*tch.

Oh my God!

You pricked it Gwen! You

pricked it!

I can't believe it!

Oh Gwen, I love you!

I love you too, Joey.

Which one do you want?

Oh honey, that one!

Oh, it's so big!

I love you Bunnycakes!

And I love YOu Gingerbutt.

Mongoloid.

Dildo.

Ooh,

where'd you learn that ''big

girl'' word?

Your girlfriend.

Oops,

I mean

ex-girlfriend.

it's my brother, he just got

dumped.

Hard.

Who told you, you little bah-

witch?

I know.

He totally is.

uh, excuse me why don't

you?

Oh okay, why don't I just turn

into gaseous form for a minute.

Smells like you're halfway

there.

Dogs have a heightened sense

of smell.

With with an ass that big, it's

like

spotlights to us.

Those are headlights

and I don't plan on braking.

Keep on pedaling, you're

almost to a busy intersection.

The intersection's only busy

because you're giving half-price blowj*bs.

What are the rules to this

game?

I don't know but you just lost,

loser.

Freak.

I'm on the phone.

He won't leave me alone.

Go graze outside.

Stop mooching.

Go back to college and eat

your instant Ramen.

Mom!

Caleb's drinking out of the

milk carton!

Am not!

it's the acidophilus!

Caleb, Honey? You okay?

We heard you got dumped.

You're way hot!

You're accent sexy.

Even homeless people have

accents, Huh?

I don't like to kiss.

You're kidding.

Seriously.

You can play with my nipples

if you want.

Y'know,

kissing is so 1990s.

I think I might be-

Well, I think I might be gay.

Gay?!

Well, a little bit.

I turned another one?

it could be a phase.

Please.

Can you list any tracks on

Madonna's Like a Prayer album?

um, Express Yourself,

Cherish,

Oh Father-

Vogue...

No honey, Vogue was on Dick

Tracy.

it's not a f***ing phase,

you're full-fledged homo.

Jesus, what'd I do?!

Well,

didn't you ever suspect

that- I mean

I am a little...

I know what you mean.

We're all just

people.

Just

bodies with

organic needs.

We need satisfaction.

We shouldn't deny our bodies.

Let's not deny our bodies.

Honey, it's not going to work

this time,

I'm pretty gay.

Oh, I was good enough for you

last night you f***ing f*ggot.

You're not being very positive

about this.

I couldn't be any more

positive if

I was gang raped in a

repository bin

at the needle exchange!

All I do is help gays come out.

So who are you f***ing?

Well, i

haven't had sex yet.

Hah!

I mean, except with you.

And some other girl.

Get out!

Well, can't we be like, best

friends or something?

I already have a gay best

friend.

Yeah,

Marc.

is he single?

Get out!

it's like I'm on a conveyor

belt.

A little piece of sushI no one

wants.

You lookin' for Mr. Right Now?

Please, I'll settle for Mr. Five

Minutes Ago.

Sorry.

No prob-

-lem.

Joey

just remember!

Every time you suck a dick!

Every time you poke some

boy

in the brown eye!

Just remember that you've...

eaten...

P*SSY!

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