Effi Briest Page #7

''I bear a heavy burden of guiIt,

but perhaps there's a way out.

''Being transferred from here

seems Iike a sign...

''that I may stiII find mercy.

''Forget me.

''Your Effi.''

What a lovely place you have, Mama!

But what's wrong with your eyes?

ln the carriage, all we talked about...

was lnnstetten and our career.

Far too much.

There must be an end to it.

Your eyes are more important to me.

ln one respect, they're unchanged.

They have the same old kindness

when you look at me.

You're so impetuous. The same old Effi!

No, Mama.

Not the old Effi.

l wish l were.

Marriage changes a person.

lnnstetten is impatient for me to return.

To cut matters short,

l suggest we rent the apartment today...

and l'll go back tomorrow.

lt's so hard to leave you.

Which apartment will you take?

The one in Keithstrasse...

which we both liked

from the very beginning.

lt's probably not quite dried out yet...

but it's summer now,

which is some consolation.

lf l feel a twinge of rheumatism...

there's always Hohen-Cremmen.

Don't tempt providence!

Suddenly one has rheumatism

without knowing why.

Dr. Rummschuettel...

l don't know how to describe it.

lt keeps changing.

At the moment, it seems to have gone.

At first, l thought it was rheumatism...

but now l think it might be neuralgia.

Very likely, my dear lady.

Rest and warmth...

are the best thing.

And a little medicine...

nothing bad, will do the rest.

But no mental exertion...

no visits...

-no books.

-lt's Scott.

Oh, l've no objection to him.

Travel books are best.

l'll call again tomorrow.

The question of costs has to be considered.

Our expenses wiII increase anyway.

RummschuetteI wiII have to be paid

if he remains our doctor.

He's a very pIeasant oId gentIeman...

aIthough medicaIIy,

he's not considered top rank.

His detractors caII him a ''Iadies' doctor, ''

but there's an eIement of praise in that.

A NEW ERA lS DAWNlNG,

AND l'M NO LONGER AFRAlD.

l SHALL TRY TO BE BETTER

AND COMPL Y MORE WlTH YOUR WlSHES.

How are Gieshuebler and all the others?

Who are ''all the others''?

Crampas sends you his regards.

That's nice of him.

And Frau von Padden sends her respects.

She said you are a charming woman...

but l should take good care of you.

And when l replied...

you regarded me more

as a teacher than a husband...

she murmured...

almost absently:

''A little lamb...

''white as the driven snow....''

Then she broke off.

Has Johanna ever shown you

her Chinaman?

Which one?

Ours, of course.

Before she left our old home,

she detached him from the chair...

and put him in her purse.

When she changed a mark for me recently...

l saw it.

And...

she admitted it with embarrassment.

She told me...

that her sense of

being a stranger had gone...

and that she was very glad.

Kessin wasn't the right place for her...

with its spooky house and the people.

Some were too pious, others too pedestrian.

Since her move to Berlin,

she says she feels at home.

He's the best of husbands...

a bit too old and too good for her.

But now the worst is over.

That was the expression she used...

and it rather surprised me.

Why? lt may not be

the best of expressions, but....

There's something behind it...

which she wanted to allude to.

You think so?

Yes, Briest.

You think butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

But you're wrong.

She likes to drift with the current...

and if the current is good, so is she.

Fighting and resistance

are not her strong points.

She recaIIed the day...

scarceIy two years before...

when the visitor had come...

and she had cIimbed

the steps beside the bench...

and an hour Iater she was betrothed.

Images of her Iife in Kessin

rose unbidden before her inward eye.

There was Crampas coming to greet her...

then Roswitha with the baby.

She took the chiId,

heId her up and kissed her.

''That was the first day,

when everything had begun.''

The nearby cIock began to strike...

and Effi counted the strokes.

''10.:
00.

''This time tomorrow, I'II be in BerIin.

''It's our wedding anniversary.

''He'II say nice things,

an affectionate word perhaps...

''and I shaII sit and Iisten...

''with guiIt weighing on my souI.

''Yes, it is there...

''but does it weigh on my souI?

No, it doesn't...

''and that's what frightens me about myseIf.

''What weighs on me is something different.

''Fear, a mortaI dread...

''that aII wiII be discovered.

''And on top of the fear, I feeI ashamed.

''But I don't feeI true repentance.

Nor do I feeI true shame.

''I'm tormented by fear

and ashamed of the whoIe web of Iies.

''But I feeI no shame for my guiIt,

or not properIy and not enough...

''and that is what's destroying me.

''If women are Iike that, it's terribIe!

''And if they're not, as I hope,

things are iII with me.

''Then something's wrong with my souI.

I Iack the right sentiments.

''OId Niemeyer once said to me...

''when I was onIy a chiId...

''that it's important to have

the right sentiments.

''If one had them,

one wouId be spared the worst.

''If one didn't have them,

one Iived in constant danger...

''and what peopIe caII 'the deviI'

wouId have you in his power.

''MercifuI God, is that how I am?''

She Iaid her head on her arms

and wept bitterIy.

l thought you might not keep your word.

Really, Geert! That's the least l can do.

Don't say that. lt's not always easy.

Sometimes one can't. Just think back.

l was expecting you back in Kessin,

after you'd rented the apartment...

and who didn't come? Effi.

That was something different.

Our life in Berlin is just beginning, Effi.

ln April, when we moved in...

the season was coming to an end.

We hardly had time to pay our calls.

And Woellersdorf...

the only person we know better...

is a bachelor unfortunately.

From June onward, everything's dead.

The lowered shutters...

tell you everything.

''Everyone's gone''...

regardless whether it's true or not.

So...

what was left?

A chat with cousin Briest...

dinner at Hiller's...

That's not real Berlin life.

But now things will change.

l've noted the names of all top officials

who are active enough to entertain.

We shall entertain, too.

And when winter comes,

the whole ministry should be saying:

''The most charming woman in our circle...

''is the wife of lnnstetten.''

Oh, Geert, l hardly know you like this.

You're talking like a ladies' man.

lt's our wedding anniversary.

You must allow me that.

First and foremost, Crampas...

Major Crampas, quite the beau...

and something of a Barbarossa

to whom my wife...

understandably or not...

had taken a liking.

Let's say ''understandably''...

because l assume he was chairman

of the club and playing a role...

the lover or bon vivant.

Perhaps something even grander.

He may have been a tenor, too.

A second year passed...

and when a new foundation

was estabIished...

the empress chose

the ''privy counciIIor's wife''...

as a Iady-in-waiting.

At the court baII, the oId Kaiser

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