Essex Boys

[Man Narrating]

I'll try anything once, me,

except bestiality.

And maybe Morris dancing.

Yeah, I'll try

and give them a swerve.

Now round here where I live,

everyone's heard of Jason Locke.

He'd just done a five stretch for armed

robbery. Been outless than 24 hours.

Mr. D. had asked me

to drive him about for a few days,

so I said, "Yeah, sure. "

[ Chattering ]

[Narrator]

We pick up this van, and Jason says...

he wants to look up an old friend

who he knew from before.

[Chatter Continues]

You squealin' git !

You f***er !

You want some, huh ?

Yeah, you c*nt !

Please, no more !

F***ing grass !

Come here !

Leave him alone !

You f***ing grass !

- This is what you get.

- [ Screams ]

F***in' grass !

Get in there !

[Man Screaming]

[Screaming]

Oh, my face!

Sh*t.

My face is burning up !

[Screaming]

[Pounding]

[Screaming Continues]

[Pounding]

[ Screaming ]

[ Grunting, Groaning ]

Come on.

Let's go home.

[Narrator]

And that was that. Job done.

Jason needed a new shirt.

The geezer needed a new face.

[Narrator]

Next, I take him to his mate's place,

which he's been hearing

things about.

F***ing bastards.

Lisa ?

I've seen his house.

He's taking the piss.

Nice, isn't it ?

Oh, yeah. How'd he get

that sort of dough ?

How'd he stay

out of prison ?

[Bottle Cap Hits Floor]

- You want egg with this ?

- No. Yeah, go on.

- Would you like anything ?

- No, I'm all right. Ta.

He had a Porsche

and a Bentley, the bastard.

What, a Porsche now ?

That must be new.

- What about Wayne ?

- Oh, he's got a five-series BMW...

and a nice little three-bedroom house

in Billericay.

[ Mumbling ]

It was a f***ing mansion--

great big drive, electric gates,

f***ing statues of lions

on the gate posts.

- You could have told me.

- What, spoil the surprise ?

[Narrator]

Anyway, so look, I'm thinking,

"It's been a really interesting morning.

Thanks very much.

If it's all the same to you--"

- And then he says,

- Gonna need you some more, Billy.

- All right ? Later on.

- And I say...

- Yeah, sure.

- And that's it. I've got the job.

Your girlfriend won't mind,

will she, Billy ?

You have got a girlfriend,

haven't you ?

Yeah, I got a girlfriend.

She won't mind.

Liar.

[Man]

One-nine. Yes, that's right.

Mrs. Knight for Brentwood.

[Man On Radio]

Yeah, one-nine. Yeah, on my way.

- The geezer grassed him up.

What else could he do ?

- Oh, yeah ?

I ain't sayin' he should have gone

that far, but you know how it is.

Oh, he just sounds

like an animal to me.

They should put him back inside,

do us all a favor.

He's just done a five-year stretch

'cause of this mug.

- I'd have done exactly the same thing.

- That's you, is it, Billy ?

You could do that

to someone ?

In principle.

[ Chuckles ]

Billy, don't get involved

with this bloke.

[Billy Narrating] See him, Peter,

oh, he's the top boy. He runs the show.

Him, Wayne, does whatever

Peter tells him.

And Jason-- Well, every firm needs

a mad acidbath murderer, don't they ?

What do you think

of my hair, Billy ?

- You look like a f***in' poof.

- F*** off !

[ Laughs ]

What ?

[Jason]

F*** of, will ya ?

It's all right, isn't it ?

It looks really,

really f***ing stupid.

Can't you go any faster, Billy ?

I'm racing in the back here.

I thought you were supposed

to be Billy f***in' Whizz.

[ All Laughing ]

It's all come from the doors.

You run the doors, and you

control what get inside.

Clubs don't give a sh*t.

Just don't want any aggro.

Most weeks now, we're...

turning over 20 grand.

- Yeah ?

- Mm.

- [ Snorts ]

- F***ing hell.

We, uh, do a bit of weed

in the week maybe,

but pills is where

the money's really at.

I keep away from them

when they're on them.

F***ing eyes all go wonky, don't they ?

He's done 'em, soppy nuts.

I won't touch 'em meself.

They're not for you, Jase.

They make you wanna love everyone.

I love you !

[Bottle Breaks]

[ Coughing ]

Pull in here, Billy Whizz.

[Techno]

[Jason]

What's happened to the Honeycomb ?

Half a million on a refit,

and it's now called Blondz.

- Packed every night of the week.

- Is it still ours ?

No. They gave it

to that prick, Perry Elley.

Perry f***ing Elley ?

Yeah. It's him and us now, Jase.

That f***ing wanker.

He was knocking out

dodgy Sierras.

Yeah, well, he's moved in

on the doors now, like us,

'cause that's

where the money is.

Every door he gets is one

we could be making money from.

You know what I'm saying, Jase ?

Billy.

I want you to pull up outside

in exactly five minutes, yeah ?

- Sure.

- Don't f*** about.

You make sure

you're right outside.

[ Car Radio:
Techno ]

[ Techno ]

[ Car Engine Starts ]

[ Phone Beeps ]

You all right, Nic ?

All right, listen, darling,

I don't think I'm gonna be

back till about midnight.

Yeah. No, it's nothing

like that.

No, I'm just waiting

for 'em outside Blondz in Southend.

You know, the one

with the glass.

-[Woman Screaming]

- Nic, I gotta go.

[Man] Bloody hell, they've

thrown him from the bloody window.

Leave him !

F***in' leave him !

[ Screaming ]

- Go forward !

- [ Screaming ]

Go forward and run the bastard over !

We ain't got time to f*** up about.

[ Screaming ]

[Sirens Wailing]

Careful, Billy Whizz.

-[Tires Squealing]

- [ Siren Wailing ]

-[Tires Squealing]

- F***ing amateur !

Sh*t !

[Billy]

Oh, God!

- Get down.

- [ Siren Wailing ]

You are f***ing Billy Whizz.

Yeah. Let's move.

Well done, Billy Whizz.

You did all right.

Yeah, nice one, Billy.

What do you think

of the barnet, Billy ?

- It's all right, isn't it ?

- Yeah, it looks all right.

See, I told you.

And this boy knows

what he's talking about.

Mm, pair of f***ing poofs.

[Jason Laughing]

[ Softly]

Nicole. Nicole.

Oi, look. Ta-da.

Ta-da !

[ Chuckles ]

You said you was going to be back

at 12:
00, Billy.

I know. I'm sorry.

I've had a right result, though.

Look at that, 500 quid.

That's for one night's work.

- Where are you going ?

- I needa wee.

So, what happened ?

Well, it just seemed to go on,

and I couldn't get away.

If I'd known you was going

to be out all night, I wouldn't

have bothered coming around.

- I'm sorry.

- I've got to pick up Candice

in a couple of hours.

Yeah, but that's 500 quid.

It's not bad, is it ?

That's just for driving them

about. And I tell you what,

they're well pleased with me.

All of a sudden,

I have just become Billy Whizz.

It's like Billy Whizz this

and Billy Whizz that.

- Better than cabbing, isn't it ?

- o you mind ?

Sorry.

-[Toilet Flushes]

- They'll want me again tomorrow.

Thank you very much.

Come on, get into bed.

Warm me up.

Make yourself useful.

[Billy Narrating] The following

night, I'm out with them again.

Pete Chaseruns the security

at Dantes,

which means I don't have to queue up

with all the other mugs,

- which is nice.

- [ Murmuring ]

Billy Whizz, come on, son.

You're with the A-team now.

[ Murmuring Continues ]

[Techno]

Who's he, Billy ?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes