Everybody Wants Some!! Page #8

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You just made fun of me.

Oh, I'm, uh, I'm on the baseball team.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- No.

- Yeah.

You don't really seem like it.

Seem like what?

Aren't most athletes kind of...

- Kind of dumb?

- No, no, no.

No, not dumb necessarily.

Single-minded, and...

- Okay, dumb.

- You know, actually,

there's probably

the same ratio of intelligence

on my baseball team

as there is anywhere else.

Which isn't very much.

Unfortunately true.

- Hey, Jake.

- Yeah?

I kinda hate talking on the phone

for extended periods of time.

It feels so high school.

- Yeah. Yeah, I know.

- Right? Yeah.

Yeah, and now that

I've determined I don't really think

you're the Hillside

Strangler anymore, um...

I think.

Do you, uh, maybe wanna continue

this conversation in person?

- I don't know.

- Yeah.

- Yeah? Okay.

- Yeah.

Well, I'm around

for the next couple of hours. Oh...

Out, actually, for the rest of the day

and most of the night, though.

Okay, so should I come over

like right now?

If you want.

Cool, yeah, okay.

I'll head over pretty soon then.

Okay. Pretty soon. Then I'll see you then.

- Okay, cool. Yeah, see you.

- Pretty soon.

Okay.

F***.

So, what's your strategy?

What's the game plan?

Don't tell me you're flying blind

into this thing.

Dude, I don't know. I mean, she's cool.

She's smart, you know?

Not one of these airheads

we got running around here.

Okay. Well, then just

don't come across like a dumb jock.

All right, her antennas are out.

She's gonna be

looking for signs of dip-shitification.

Yeah. You trying to make me nervous?

No, like they say, pressure's a choice.

Well, you gotta approach it like

getting out on the mound,

taking an at bat. Yeah.

Put everything else out of your mind.

Hey, Coma.

Just let natural ability take over.

Mmm-hmm.

Assuming, you know,

you have natural ability.

Ah. A, f*** you. B, bye.

Ah. C, she say

if her roommate's gonna be there?

D, I don't know. Why?

E, 'cause I think I'm gonna, you know,

grant her the old Finnegasm.

Here, I'm coming with you.

- No, F that and you.

- No, Jake, Jake!

Come on, Jake!

Just trying to help you! Ungrateful kid.

Coma, wake up!

- Hey.

- Hi, Jake.

- Wanna come in? Okay.

- Sure. Yeah.

Rock 'n' roll isn't about being

glamorous or hip, it's a force.

It's a revolutionary,

political, sexual and poetic force.

Yeah.

You're not one

of those guys that thinks that

Jim Morrison is still alive, are you?

- Uh, no.

- Good.

Why?

I found it to be a good litmus test.

Any other litmus tests?

Not at the moment.

So, you were really good

at baseball in high school?

Yeah. I mean, every guy here

was the baddest guy

on his high school team.

You know, that's a big

adjustment to make.

You want a Dr. Pepper?

No, no, I'm all right, thanks.

You know, not only

are you not the best guy on the team,

you know, you're barely even

good enough to be here.

Yeah.

You know?

It's a little intimidating.

What about you?

You play any sports in high school?

No. We didn't even have any sports, no.

- No?

- No.

But it's the same thing that you're saying

with the performing arts.

Everybody here was the best

in their high school,

got the lead in every play,

and now we're just gonna be

hoping to get cast in anything.

And there's a lot of talent around.

Yeah. Yeah.

Where did you go to high school?

HSPVA.

Which, although it sounds

like a venereal disease...

Yeah.

It's actually High School for

Performing and Visual Arts.

- Like the one in Fame?

- Kind of.

We weren't spontaneously

performing in the streets

in large groups or anything,

but we were so ridiculous.

Like, the theater kids

would be hysterically crying

in the bathroom stalls,

visual artists like

anything they could find.

Dancers...

And musical theater kids...

La-la-la!

It was so fun, I loved it!

Yeah, I loved it.

And it was a great place

to be able to cultivate the thing

that you loved most in life, you know?

So you're really serious.

Yeah, I'm moving to New York

the second I graduate.

- Really?

- Yeah. God, I can't wait.

So, what's this thing you're doing later?

Oh...

Helping decorate for a party at Oz.

Mmm. What's Oz?

This big house just outside of town,

where a lot of theater majors live.

And apparently the party's

a first weekend tradition.

They, like,

recruited us freshmen to help set up.

- Probably do the sh*t work.

- Nice.

Um, you could

probably come, if you want.

- Cool. Yeah, cool.

- Yeah, might be fun.

I mean, we have our first practice

this afternoon, but yeah.

Yeah, it sounds great.

Cool.

Is it baseball season now?

Mmm-mmm.

Okay. Well, when do you stop,

like, rehearsals

and start doing the actual game?

Well, the official season

doesn't start till the spring,

but we got a big fall schedule.

- Uh-huh.

- It's just a players-only practice

to kick things off.

Oh, you know, it's kind of

a dress-up party tonight.

You could come all sweaty

and in your uniform.

People might think

you're method, I don't know.

Might be a hit with the ladies.

Now I definitely gotta be there.

You're seriously trying?

No, not right now, but I can't do it.

It's impossible. I...

I've never been able to do it.

I know a lot about the human body,

and I've never seen anything like that.

Watch this.

You ready? Try to move.

- We all tried it.

- No. It's impossible.

Oh. What's up, dude? You gotta see this.

What is it?

It's this physiological phenomenon.

You close your eyes

and somebody places a thumb

below the chest bone in the solar plexus,

semi-paralyzes the whole upper torso.

- He can't sit up.

- That's ridiculous.

- From here to here.

- Go on, show me.

Dude, the whole team's tried it.

- Try it again, Nesbit.

- Okay.

Nope. I'm telling you,

it's absolutely impossible.

It's a thumb

on your f***ing chest, Nesbit.

- You can't, no.

- Get up.

I wanna give it a shot.

I'm just saying, you can't do it.

I know, he thinks he can. All right.

Make sure and close your eyes,

'cause that shuts down the spinal.

Okay, so shut up.

- Shut your eyes...

- Mmm-mmm.

...and on the count of three,

finger in the solar plexus,

count of three, try to sit up.

One, two, three.

Good job, baby! Good job!

That's what I'm talking about, man!

- Beautifully played.

- Oh!

The hiney was flawless.

It all comes down to how well you sell it,

'cause when he was coming in,

I was saying "impossible,"

and then when you put the...

- And I was like...

- "What is he doing?"

- The leg stuff.

- How does that happen?

Hey, at least it was

before practice, all right?

'Cause had it been after practice,

who knows what f***ing sweaty

and encrusted items

I might've encountered

up your ass crack.

You're a freshman, too.

Not supposed to be hazing me.

Hey, Jake, man, I'm sorry, all right?

They made me do it.

They just got me five minutes ago.

I'm sorry.

Hey, and, you,

with all your physiological

phenomena bullshit.

Okay, you know, we all take turns

being chumps around here.

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