Everyone Says I Love You Page #5

I did. I remember it.

It had a very sexy cover.

It was at the stalls on

Fifth Avenue, the 99-cent bin.

Well, you know, probably... [Clears

Throat] the get-acquainted price.

- Oh.

- They'll do that sometimes.

In the United States, I'm

considered controversial,

but in Paris, where they have

an ear for literature, I...

You know, they were quick

to recognize the genius...

of Poe and Faulkner and myself.

Well, basically, you

see, I'm a simple guy.

My idea is just to live in

Paris and maybe, you know,

fall in love and...

and take walks, uh, in the rain...

and-and, uh, listen to music,

like, uh, particularly,

maybe "Mahler's Fourth."

- This could be me talking. "Mahler's

Fourth" destroys me. - Could it?

Ah, yes, "Mahler's Fourth," no question.

I... I... See, I'm not... I'm not a, uh...

what you'd call a, uh,

uh, a technology guy.

- I hate technology.

- I know. I could tell by looking at you.

I-I-I, uh... I'm...

I still work on...

one of those old-fashioned antique

portable typewriters that-that...

Are you telling me you haven't

succumbed to the cerebral computer age?

[Scoffs] You know, I'm telling

you, I like the simple life.

I like to sit in my

room in Paris and write,

maybe visit New York a certain

amount in the summertime.

Maybe spend some time some place

romantic, like, um, Bora Bora.

I... I love Bora Bora.

Since the first time I went there,

I can't get it out of my mind.

Well, naturally. You

know, it's beautiful.

At night, the stars are so

luminous you can practically...

- Read by them.

- read by them.

Yes. Are you okay?

A little mist appeared in your eye then.

I thought you were gonna cry. I

swear, I thought you were gonna cry.

No, I'm, uh... I'm okay.

- Are you sure? Is something wrong?

- No, um...

- What's wrong? - Nothing's wrong.

Something's so exactly right.

- Yes?

- Yeah.

Wait here one second.

I'll be right back.

# All my life #

# I've been waiting for you #

# My wonderful one #

# I've begun living #

# All my life #

# All my love #

# Has been waiting for you #

# My life is sublime #

# Now that I'm giving #

# All my love ##

I got you a present.

An African daisy. This is my favorite.

You know, what are you doing tonight?

I think Greg and I have plans.

- [Door Opening]

- Hey, how'd it go?

She was absolutely great. Whatever

you told me was right on the money.

- I feel guilty.

- Why?

Because, you know, I made her cry.

She said that she felt close to me.

So? You've established a beachhead.

Now you go on and win the battle.

Don't forget to blow on her back between

her shoulder blades. It makes her crazy.

Hey, I'm not gonna do that.

What goes on between her

and her shrink is private.

What are you gonna do, give me

a map of her erogenous zones?

- Dad, are you seeing her tonight?

- No, she's married!

Listen, I'm not that guy. I don't

know Bora Bora from Walla Walla.

What the hell do I

know about Tintoretto?

I can't tell the difference between

his chiaroscuro and his segretto sauce.

Don't forget to blow

between her shoulder blades.

I'm not gonna blow between

her shoulder blades.

Plus, I use a word

processor, not a typewriter.

I hope you have something great to wear

tonight, 'cause we're going to a party.

A party? I...

I wanna introduce you to someone.

- Dad.

- [Kisses Cheek]

This is Alberto.

- Hi, how are you?

- Nice to meet you.

Who are all these people? This is, uh...

- Venetians. Friends, guests in town.

- Yes?

Did your enjoy your staying in Venice?

Fabulous. It's the best. Absolutely

the best. She'll tell you.

Dad, I wanted you to meet Alberto because

I think you should be the first to know:

We're getting married.

Wonderful. Let me know what

century, I'll rent a tux.

This January.

- Pardon me?

- This January.

This January. [Chuckles]

You're joking, of course.

I am in love with Djuna.

We all love this little

girl because she's adorable.

But... But you are... This is a jest.

It is January 15, to be exact.

It's his mother's birthday.

- A joke. A jest, right? Am I right?

- Not at all.

Excuse... Excuse me one second. Come on.

I just wanna talk to you for a minute. Come

over here. Just for a second. Right here.

What are you talking about?

Tell me this is a joke.

Otherwise, there's gonna be carnage.

We're crazy about each other.

How can you be crazy... You

met this guy... five days ago.

- So? - What do you mean, so?

Are you having a breakdown?

Why, because I'm in love?

What do you mean, you're in

love? With what? What does he do?

- He's a gondolier.

- A... No, thank you.

- He's one of those guys with the

striped shirt and the hat? - No hat.

- What do you mean, no hat?

- He doesn't wear a hat.

This is crazy. What are

you, you know... Talk to me.

- Are you gonna... Are you talking

about getting married? - Yes.

- That's insanity.

- Why is it insanity?

Because you have to go to school.

You're gonna go back to Columbia.

You're gonna major in journalism

or law, not... not rowing.

People have dropped out of

Columbia before. It's been done.

You are not going to

run off with a guy...

who you just met and who's a gondolier.

- He's a poet.

- He's a poet?

Let me tell you what rhymes

with gondolier:
no lira.

- Okay? So, forget it.

- Oh, God, Dad.

- Hi.

- Hi. Hello, again.

- My God, what a coincidence.

- This is, uh... Joe, Greg.

- Hi. How do you do?

- Hi.

- Were you... You were running this

morning... with the heart? - That was me.

Have you seen Bernardo

Bertolucci? Is he here?

I wouldn't recognize him

'cause it's a madhouse in there.

- Do you mind if I go ahead? If you want

to talk. Okay. - It's an absolute madhouse.

I'll get you a drink.

- Incredible. I mean...

- Is it?

Have you seen this place? I was

just going home. It's unbelievable.

- They have a... The whole thing is like

it's an old palazzo. - Oh, wow.

- And it's really, really beautiful.

- [Gasps]

But, you know, frantic in there.

- Hey, you look great.

- Oh.

I wish you wouldn't

say things like that.

- Why?

- I don't know. I can't take a compliment.

You look terrific. Why not? I'm sorry.

No, it's my problem. [Laughs]

- Why? Does it make you feel guilty?

- Uh, maybe. I don't know.

You seem to have all

the answers, don't you?

I think it makes you feel guilty.

I think that you must have fantasies

of maybe somebody coming along that...

You probably have dreams about boats...

or... ships, maybe,

or maybe even, you know,

like an elevator that...

You're on an elevator and it goes

higher and higher to the top floor...

and then it doesn't stop at the top,

it just goes right through the roof...

and it just sort of

flies you over the ocean.

I think I'm gonna faint. I do.

- Are you okay?

- Uh, uh, no.

I'm... I'm a little overwhelmed...

and I'm glad you're leaving tomorrow.

[Blowing]

[D.J. Narrating] The next

morning, we left Venice.

Dad made a flight to Paris

and I went to New York.

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