Everyone Says I Love You Page #7

I went to N.Y.U. I didn't

even stay in the dorm.

- You know how long it is since I smelled

perfume? - Oh, do I have too much on?

No, to me you smell like what

I think heaven would smell like.

Oh. Well, thank you. That's really nice.

When you shook my hand before, I

thought my heart was gonna stop.

Oh, that's sweet. [Chuckles]

Uh, but remember, you've been

very deprived of female contact.

I used to lie in my cell at night

and dream of somebody like you.

[Laughs] Yeah.

Oh, uh, I took, um, a

criminology class in college.

- A very insight...

- You have very sensual lips.

Oh. O-Oh, well, i-it's a

part of me I rarely think of.

- Can I smell your hair?

- You wanna smell my hair?

Okay. You know what? It's

gonna be all gone soon.

I was thinking of cutting it. I

think Holden might like it short.

You know what I would

do if you were my girl?

It's a little chilly outside.

- Maybe I should get a shawl. - I would

make love to you in every room in the house.

On every bed.

On every rug.

On every tabletop.

We also have some lovely

early American chandeliers.

Let's go for a drive.

Um, no. I don't think that

that would be such a good idea.

I haven't seen the ocean or been

up to Harlem or Chinatown in years.

Oh, no, i-it's out of the question.

- Okay, but you can't blame me for tryin'.

- No.

I think that we should

get back inside before...

Before what?

Before you break your parole.

If I took you in my arms and kissed

you right now, would you dime on me?

- "Dime"?

- Turn me in.

Oh. Let's not find out.

Mmm.

How was it?

Uh...

Very interesting.

I've never been kissed

by a sociopath before.

I kissed you the best I could,

considering the only practice I

had kissing in the last 10 years...

is with Vincent "The Thumb" Adatto.

Jeez.

Vincent "The Thumb" doesn't

know what he's missing.

Can I see you again?

[Sighs] Well...

You know, I'm getting married.

# I could show the world how to smile #

# I could be glad #

# All of the while #

# I could change the

gray skies to blue #

# If I had you #

# I could leave the old days behind #

# Leave all my pals #

# I'd never mind #

# I could start my life all anew #

# If I had you #

# I could climb the

snowcapped mountains #

# Sail the mighty ocean wide #

# I could cross the burning desert #

# If I had you by my side #

# I could be a king, dear, uncrowned #

# Humble or poor #

# Rich or renowned #

# There is nothing I couldn't do #

# If I had you ##

- Oh, wow. I can't believe this.

- Shut up, for once.

He's en route to New York now,

and he's wonderful.

It's been, like, a chance meeting,

after all these years,

with a true soul mate.

He senses my every need.

It's like he knows what I'm thinking.

- It's like your fantasy come true.

- I... It is.

I-I still can't believe it.

You know, it's... it's not

that he's tall or handsome,

but he's, um... he's magical.

[Von] And he feels me in a way

that no man ever has before.

It's... He's romantic and he's sexy.

I had this dream that

I was in bed with him...

and he was kissing my earlobes...

and then he started

stroking my shoulder blades.

I nearly had an orgasm.

[D.J. Narrating] I had lots

of neat stuff to tell Dad.

He'd really made a big score with Von.

But now I've got to stop for a minute,

because as much as we humans

like to think we control things,

that's not the way it works.

Suddenly, with no warning, Grandpa died.

It was in his sleep,

peaceful, with no suffering,

but it made philosophers of all of us.

When your number is

up, your number is up.

That's why it's very important...

that we cherish each moment,

each moment of our lives,

and not smoke.

Smoke?

Wh... I mean, he... Pop

smoked for 70 years, you know.

- Well...

- He never exercised. He ate everything.

He ate cholesterol and, and fatty foods.

He died at a healthy, ripe old age.

I haven't had steak in

so long. I love steak.

- Now you got him talking about food.

- Disgusting.

I'd kill for some marbleized meat.

They say six cups of coffee a day

prevents, like, prevents colon cancer.

Last week it was bad for you.

[Steffi] What's it all about? I mean...

What are we doing? We're

rushing, we're rushing.

- Th-That's right.

- Where are we going?

- [Laura Whispers] They're so old.

- Into the void.

That's it. The void is it, you

know. I never believed in God.

- Oh...

- No, I didn't, not even as a little kid.

I used to think... I remember this...

...even if He exists, He's done

such a terrible job, - Dad!

it's a wonder people don't file

a class action suit against Him.

You shouldn't be talking about...

There's gotta be some reason we're

here. It can't just be the new physics.

You gotta believe in something.

[Bob] The dignity of Man.

The flat tax, the right to

bear arms and school prayer.

- If there's nobody out there,

who are they praying to? - Stop fighting.

- [Steffi] Please don't.

- [All Arguing]

- Please don't start arguing in

front of Grandpa. - I can't believe you.

Wait a minute. He wasn't an

atheist. He wasn't a Republican.

- He wasn't even a Democrat.

- Well, Mom, he must've been something.

- He was a foot fetishist.

- Yeah.

- It's the only group I remember

him belonging to. - That's true.

He drove your mother crazy.

- [Clears Throat]

- Pop, is that you?

I've got just one message for you.

You work and work for years and

years, you're always on the go.

You never take a minute

off. Too busy makin' dough.

Someday, you say, you'll have

your fun when you're a millionaire.

# Imagine all the fun you'll have #

# In your old rocking chair #

# Enjoy yourself #

# It's later than you think #

# Enjoy yourself #

# While you're still in the pink #

# The years go by as quickly as a wink #

# Enjoy yourself Enjoy yourself #

# It's later than you think #

# Bum bum-bah-bum

Bum bum-bah-bum #

# Bum-bum-bum

Bum bum bum #

# Another birthday's here and gone #

# You've turned another page #

# And suddenly you realize #

# That you've reached middle age #

# Just think of all

the fun you've missed #

# It makes you kind of sad #

# It's better to have had your wish #

# Than to have wished you had #

- # Enjoy yourself #

- # It's later #

- # It's later than you think #

- # Later and later #

- # Enjoy yourself #

- # Even later #

- # While you're still in the pink #

- # Later and later #

# The years go by #

# And quickly as a wink #

# Enjoy yourself Enjoy yourself #

# It's later than you think #

# Enjoy yourself Enjoy yourself #

# It's later than you think #

# Enjoy yourself Enjoy yourself #

# It's later than you think ##

That...

was unbelievable.

Just every...

thing you did and...

all the things you did.

Absolutely perfect.

[Clears Throat] Well,

actually, it wasn't perfect.

There was a moment in there when I

stroked when I should have hickeyed,

but, you know, I apologize.

I feel...

I feel limp. [Sighs]

You know, I'd really love

you to come to Paris with me.

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