Everything, Everything Page #4

Together?

You know what?

I'll go first. Okay?

Yeah, you go first.

See you at the bottom.

It's strange, 'cause I

don't even remember them.

I think it's weird to miss

something that you never had.

Or, you know,

don't remember having.

Not so weird.

We came here

before they died.

And before I got sick.

Well, you're not sick now.

Why would you move?

You asked me that already.

Yeah, but you didn't answer.

My dad is not very good

at staying employed.

And my mom feels trapped.

I just don't know why

she won't leave him.

Well, have you asked her?

Yeah.

She doesn't talk

about it anymore,

but she used to say that,

"You'd understand

when you get older

"and when you have

your own relationships."

She says love

makes people crazy.

Do you believe that?

Do you?

Well, I mean, I'm here in

Hawaii with you, so...

I guess so.

Are you saying

you're in love with me?

No. I...

I'm just saying...

I never would

have left my house

if it weren't for you.

I love you.

I...

I loved you

before I knew you.

So, this is my side.

This is...

I like to sleep

on the left.

Hey, Maddy.

Maddy, are you okay?

Maddy, are you okay?

Maddy, what's wrong?

Maddy, are you okay?

Okay. All right.

You're burning up.

Maddy? Maddy?

Maddy, can you hear me?

Got it.

Coming through.

We just gotta

get her to triage.

Let's take her to Exam 2.

Could you give us a minute?

Madeline?

Madeline?

My heart stopped.

Then it started again.

When I woke up,

he was gone.

No, no, no.

Lie down.

Lie down, honey.

Lie down.

Am I okay?

You're going to be.

Are you okay?

Yes.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah. I'm okay, Olly.

It's nice to be able

to talk to you again.

I tried to visit, but

your mom wouldn't let me.

Yeah, I'm sorry I put you

through all of that.

I can't do this anymore.

Can't do what?

No more texts.

No more emails.

Olly, this is just too hard.

My mom was right,

life was better before.

Better for who?

Ellipses.

Don't do this, Maddy.

Ellipses.

Look, my life is

better with you in it.

But mine isn't.

You know,

I lied before.

About what?

I do feel sorry for you.

Tomorrow,

I am back

at the hospital.

Did you find me

a good babysitter?

Actually, I've been thinking

maybe you don't need a nurse.

You learned a tough lesson, and I

can't imagine you repeating it.

No.

Good.

I wish you'd talk to me.

I'll never meet

anyone like you, Maddy.

You look at the ocean

like it was meant for you.

You jump off cliffs

even though you can't swim.

You think you can find

the meaning of life in a book.

You don't have any vices.

You should really get some.

I'm trying not to love you.

But I'm failing.

This is my last email.

We're moving back to New York.

We're leaving tonight,

when my dad's out drinking.

My mom wants to

do it at night,

because she's afraid

she won't be able to do it

if he's right in front of her.

I finally told her about you.

She thinks you're brave.

Being with you made me brave.

Hello?

-Madeline Whittier?

-Yes.

Hi, this is Dr. Melissa Francis

from Maui Memorial Hospital.

I was your attending physician

while you were here.

I'm just following up

on your lab results.

Your myocarditis was caused

by a viral infection.

You seem to have

a very weak immune system.

Well, I have SCID.

SCID? Really? Why

would you think that?

I've had it since I was a baby.

I don't know...

If you had that kind

of severe immunodeficiency,

you probably would have

suffered more than myocarditis.

What's going on?

Am I sick?

What?

Am I sick?

Do you feel sick?

That's not what I mean.

Do you remember meeting

a Dr. Francis in Maui?

I met lots of

doctors in Maui, why?

She doesn't think

I have SCID.

And she got your

hopes up, didn't she?

It was irresponsible

of her to do that.

S.C.I.D. is so rare

and so complicated.

Not everyone understands it.

There's just too many types.

And every person

reacts differently.

You get that, don't you?

Yeah, that's what

you've always told me.

Well, you just

saw it for yourself.

You were fine

for a little while,

and then you almost died

in that emergency room.

Immune systems are

very complicated.

And Dr. Francis doesn't know

your full medical history.

She's just looking

at a tiny fraction.

She hasn't been here

the whole time like I have.

Where are the papers, Mom?

What are

you talking about?

You have records

for everything.

But you have

nothing about SCID!

Where are the papers?

Well, they must be here

because I keep...

I keep everything and I...

Did you...

Did you take them?

The papers?

Madeline?

Madeline?

Madeline?

Madeline, what are you doing?

Are you okay?

Come inside, come inside.

Why?

Why do I have to

go inside, Mom?

Because you're sick, baby.

You're sick.

No.

Madeline, please. Please.

I'm not going back inside.

You have to.

You're all I have left.

I can't lose you.

Please.

Have I ever been sick?

Come inside.

Come inside.

Come inside, Madeline.

Madeline, don't.

Madeline, don't.

Madeline.

Madeline!

Madeline!

We're not sure about the

state of your immune system.

We think it's possible that it's

underdeveloped, like an infant's.

It hasn't been exposed to common

viruses or bacterial infections.

You don't have S.C.I.D.

Why did I get sick in Hawaii?

Well, normal, healthy people

get sick all the time.

I brought you

some of your things.

I'm only taking it because

I want you to leave.

Right after your dad

and your brother died,

you got so sick.

You wouldn't breathe right.

And I took you to

the emergency room,

where we had to

stay for three days,

and they couldn't figure out

what was wrong with you.

They said it was probably

some kind of allergy,

and they gave me a list of

things to stay away from and...

I was...

I was so sure it

was something else.

I love you, Maddy.

And I hope you still love me.

I'm so sorry.

The universe already took my dad

and brother away from my mom.

She was afraid

to lose me, too.

So she made herself

believe that I was sick.

I can understand

how she felt. Almost.

I'm trying to.

My mother

loved my father.

He was the love

of her life.

And she loved my brother.

He was the love of her life.

And she loves me.

I am the love of her life.

I want to forgive her.

But right now,

all I can think about

is everything I've missed.

I've been trying to find

the single moment

that set my life on its path.

Maybe there's a version of

my life where I'm sick.

A version where

I die in Hawaii.

Another where

my father and brother

are still alive and my

mother's not broken.

There's even a version

of my life without Olly in it.

Hi.

Hey.

Do you ever wonder

what your life would be like if

you could just change one thing?

What if changing one thing

made things worse?

What if

we hadn't met?

But we did.

We did.

I'm sorry that I

didn't say goodbye.

Are you sure you

should be here?

Probably not.

What if today was the

first day that we met?

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