Everything Put Together

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- Yes? Mom?

- Oh, hi, honey.

Could you hang on a second?

I'm sorry, hon, it's a madhouse

today. What's up?

- Nothing. I just wanted to say hi.

- Oh, hon. Hang on a second.

- What is it? Do you need something?

- No, I'm fine. Are you okay?

Yes. I'm exhausted, no one has

any idea what they're doing...

I have to take care of everything.

I'm spread too thin, as usual.

- Get some rest.

- I'll rest when I'm dead.

Listen, about the plane tickets,

my mileage isn't good anymore...

so I'll just wait until he's born

and then I'll come out, okay?

I just can't get away now. I'm up

to my neck, it's a bad time for me.

- That's okay.

- How are you feeling?

- I'm good.

- Good.

Good. Listen, honey,

I should be going.

- Okay.

- I'm glad you called. I love you.

I love you too.

- Question:
How's your Kegel?

- Shush!

I said, how's that Kegel going?

- I hate my Kegel.

- Now I'm gonna have to pee!

Guys, for real, I'm really worried

I'm not doing enough Kegels.

Do you really do them?

Well, I practice every

night with Kessel.

- You do?

- Yeah, I do, Jean.

Kessel loves my Kegel.

He thinks it 's really sexy.

Come on, Jean, home, the car, go!

Right. See you guys on Saturday.

- Bye.

- Jean!

I'm just saying good night!

Bye!

- What 's Saturday?

- It 's the birthday party.

- Whose?

- Barbie's Michael.

You know what I was just thinking?

How strange:
We're born to our

mothers, then we become adults...

and then we have

babies of our own.

- Everything comes full circle.

- Yeah. Can I use your deodorant?

Sh*t, I just remembered I meant to

be picking Russ up from the airport.

Tell him Bill wants to play

ball this weekend, all right?

How strange is it that men are born

as babies and they stay that way?

- Very strange.

- Are these your shoes?

No. They're probably Jean's.

She's a nervous wreck.

- I'll take them. Will you be fine?

- Yes. Get your baby out the plane.

- All right. Bye.

- Bye!

Angie!

Judith?

My water broke.

Nurse! I don't think it 's supposed

to hurt this much! Sh*t!

- I'm not kidding!

- Do you want me to get your mom?

Can I come in?

Can I come in through here?

Push! Good.

One, two, three. Push!

- He's over the crown. I see an eye.

- Push!

Good. On three.

One, two, three. Push!

- That 's it.

- That 's it. It 's a boy.

- There he is.

- Congratulations.

He is bright pink.

We like that. Scissors.

Come meet your mom.

He's so beautiful!

Hey, look at him.

- Say hello to your mom.

- My God.

Hello.

Hi. Hi.

- What did I miss?

- There he is. Right on time.

Happy birthday to the big

birthday boy! All right!

So! Cake?

Any takers? All right.

You guys, Jean and Lisa,

you're gonna get...

Right, we're gonna have some cake,

then we're gonna do the piata...

and then we're gonna open presents,

and then you're all gonna go home...

and I'm gonna relax, okay?

That 's how it 's gonna be.

- Michael, you wanna watch?

- Bye.

- We're coming right back!

- I want my yogurt.

- What are these?

- What that is? I'll start over here.

Kiss me.

- Michael! Come on!

- What 'd he do?

- Come on, he's shy!

- She's got a boyfriend.

Well, he's cute.

That 's the size of cake that

Superman eats for his birthday.

He put it right into my mouth...

and it was his foot or his hand,

I don't know which one it was...

but it was like, "shut up, Dad."

That 's some deep water!

Anyway, the thing is...

I can't really tell you enough

times how grateful I am.

- Are you gonna say it again?

- Yeah. Can't tell you enough times.

This is silly! I mean, anyone

would've done exactly the same.

God was really looking out for you,

and that 's why Angie was there.

Did you tell her yet?

What?

Judith wants you

to be the godmother.

- No.

- Yeah.

- But she's your sister.

- I know she's my sister...

...but she can get the next one.

Are you serious?

No. No, it was a big joke.

I'm not serious.

- No, I... don't know what to say.

- Well, say that you'll do it.

Of course I'll do it. I'm honored.

Now we're all sisters.

She comes in and he's like,

"Mom, can you get out for a second?"

And she's like, "What, are you doing

something you shouldn't do?"

And then he finally says:

"I pee-peed in the corner."

And she handled it great,

she says:

"Well, do I have to put diapers

on you again, like a baby?"

And he's like, "No, no,

I'll never do it again!"

But he's just trying to see

what he can get away with.

- Who's in? It 's pool time.

- Are you going?

- Are you going?

- I think so.

- No, no. He's not gonna... No.

- He's not gonna do it.

Yeah, do it! Do it! Do it!

- That 's good!

- You got your wallet in your pants?

- Where's your wallet?

- Russ, what are you doing?

Hey, your underwear is showing!

- He's a natural.

- Yeah.

Good God, I...

Take this off! My God,

what are you doing?

- I'm happy.

- Really? Why are you so happy?

I don't know. I feel really lucky.

I love our life, I love our friends.

I love you.

What happened?

- Nothing.

- Angie, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Angie?

- How you doing?

- Good.

It was good, huh?

Close your eyes.

Close them.

Make a wish.

- What was that?

- It was a kick.

- Was that a kick?

- Yes. Did you feel it?

Oh, my...

Good Lord!

- How's my midwife?

- I'm good. How are you?

- Fine. Care for a mint?

- Yeah. Thank you.

Don't mind if I do.

So, what 's with the tie?

My kids call me Great Sperm Raiser.

Yeah? What does your wife call you?

Great Cell Splitter.

- How you feeling today?

- I'm good. A bit sick this morning.

What do you hear from Judith?

Is she adjusting to motherhood?

She's good. Functioning

on two hours sleep a night.

Really? Ethan's a bit of

a night terrorist, is he?

I think so.

Husband Bill, I take it, the

latecomer, he's doing all right?

Is that normal?

Perfect.

Couldn't ask for better numbers.

Now, for my final trick, scoot up

a little bit there. Perfect.

Wait. Excuse me.

All right. Hold that there.

This little piggy went to market,

this little piggy stayed home. Good.

Why are we doing this?

I always do this.

It makes me feel like a doctor.

- Was that normal?

- Perfect. Everything's perfect.

Are you sure?

Positive.

Let 's get this monster

gear off you here.

So, I will see you when your

contractions get a bit shorter.

You stay off the booze.

How cute is this

giraffe, you guys?

Yeah, my mom sent it.

It 's the cutest thing I ever saw.

- That 's really... it 's adorable.

- Hey, it 's cute.

Totally cute. Barbie, do yourself

a favor and look at the cute thing.

I'm pretty sure that I may

be in love with that giraffe.

- Look at it!

- Yeah, it 's adorable.

- It is very adorable.

- Amazing.

I know When we finish

this room, I plan to move in.

- I just had another fantasy.

- Do share.

What about when

they have sleepovers?

All right, don't get too excited,

because they're a pain in the ass.

My child is not gonna be

a pain in the ass, Barbie.

I'll tell you something, Angela, all

children are a pain in the ass...

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