Evil Under the Sun Page #2

around the island before lunch, dear?

Patrick! You know perfectly well

that I've got a splitting headache

and I've got all the

unpacking to do.

Andrea will show to your room,

if you like.

Thank you.

After two days

on that suffocating steamer

I would have really thought that

you'd have more consideration for me.

Anyway, I'm no good at...

Thank you for those three hours

of pure and unadulterated hell.

This may come as a nasty surprise

to you,

but shock absorbers have been standard

on motorized vehicles for 30 years.

Stop playing boules with my Vuitton!

Linda, you gormless oaf, do something!

Like what?

Like stop them, cretin.

Kenneth! This is a nightmare.

Take it easy, Arlena.

We'll soon be there.

Soon can't be soon

enough for me.

Of all the dreadful

journeys...

Isn't that the absurd little man

we saw in the station at Tirana?

Pinched the only decent taxi

from under your nose.

Yes,

I do believe it is.

Good morning.

Since we are all obviously going

to Daphne's island,

I'd better introduce myself.

I'm Kenneth Marshall

and this is my wife, Arlena.

- Hercule Poirot. Enchante, madame.

- Charmed.

This is my stepdaughter, Linda.

Do stop standing there like a coughdrop

and say good morning to Monsieur Poirot.

- Morning.

- Bonjour.

Was your journey as frightful as ours,

Monsieur Poirot?

Alas, I fear the sea

more than the land, madame.

Oh, Mr Marshall,

I implore you not to spoil them.

- We have to pay double on the way home.

- It's only a 20-minute boat trip.

You'll find it all worthwhile

once we get to the island, I assure you.

You mean you've been there before?

Yes, I was there for a few days

three years ago.

After the death of my first wife.

God's teeth!

Don't worry, darling.

It's only the noonday gun.

The noonday gun?

Yes, it's fired every day

at 12 o'clock

to commemorate the glorious victory of

Kosovo-Metohija in 1193.

I am reliably informed that

a mere handful of Tyranian cavalry

routed over 50,000

barbarous Bosnian fanatics.

The only military success

in their entire history.

One success too many.

Arlena!

Arlena, darling, I love you!

That tub was even more uncomfortable

than that damned taxi.

What if the b*tch

refuses to do the show?

We'll lose all our backers,

that's what.

After all, we sell the

show on her name.

To think our futures are riding

on that snake-eyed hussy!

Welcome to the island, everybody!

Kenneth, oh,

it's marvellous to see you!

Absolutely marvellous.

It must be at least two years

since you were last on the island.

It's three, actually. Wonderful to be

here. You never met Linda, did you?

No! No, I didn't.

Hello! Hello, Linda.

Welcome to the island.

And I don't think

you know Arlena.

Oh! Oh, yes.

Yes, I do.

Arlena and I are old

sparring partners.

Hello, Daphne.

- Oh, it's been years.

- Well, a little time, yes.

Years.

Arlena and I were in

the chorus of a show together,

not that I could ever compete.

Even in those days, she could always

throw her legs up in the air

higher than any of us...

...and wider.

Kenneth, this is such a surprise.

When you told me of an island

run by a quaint little landlady

I had no idea it was Daphne Castle.

Yes, quite. Daphne,

I wonder if we could go to our rooms.

It's been a long journey.

Oh. Certainly.

Andreas!

If you're short-staffed,

Kenneth can easily carry the bags.

They'll be brought up in a minute.

There'll be cocktails tonight

at eight o'clock.

Do have a good, long, peaceful rest,

Arlena.

You must be Sir Horace Blatt's friend.

Perhaps... Perhaps you'll sign in.

Oh, so you're the famous

Hercule Poirot, eh?

- You are too amiable, madame.

- Perhaps.

I hope you haven't come to practise

your sleuthing games on my guests.

They've all got far too many

skeletons in their cupboards

to join in with enthusiasm.

It's not my intention to derange

you or your guests, madame.

Pendant les vacances

my desires are simply a good valet,

a... tisane de menthe poivre

at eight o'clock in the morning

precisely,

and of course some wax,

some beeswax for my shoes. That's all.

Actually, Gilbert had nothing

to do with the success this season.

Oh, my God, I really don't know

what we are going to do about them.

I really do think that

the Millers have gone too far.

Gilly is my oldest friend,

Rex.

Oh, God,

I didn't know that!

- Gilly is Myra's oldest friend.

- I just told him, Odell.

Did you hear what Gilbert said

about the Queen?

No.

Well, you see...

Enjoying it?

I couldn't have one. This was

delicious, if I could... Thank you.

How about a cocktail,

Monsieur Poirot?

White Lady, a Sidecar,

Mainbrace or Between the Sheets?

No, if I could have a crme de Cassie

or a sirop de banana.

- Do you have banana syrup?

- Certainly.

Oh, my!

I'm the last to arrive!

Have a sausage, dear.

You must be famished, having to wait

all that time in your room.

Have you... Have you met the Redferns?

Christine and Patrick.

- Arlena, darling...

- Arlena, my favourite leading lady!

Why, if it isn't Odell and Myra!

What on earth are you two doing here?

It's wonderful to see you, Arlena.

We have a fabulous show for you.

Oh, it's a real humdinger, honey!

Odell insisted that we both come over

here together to see you personally.

Well, it's very sweet of you.

But I'm sort of retired, you know.

This is my new audience.

Have you met my husband?

How do you do?

How do you do? You'll change your mind.

You won't be able to resist this!

Keeler's mad to do it. But we're

holding her off until you have a look.

And Kern,

he's done some of the best music...

Arlena, darling, it's simply

sensational to see you again!

- Hello, Rex.

- How do you do? I'm Kenneth Marshall...

Excuse me.

I must talk to you, Arlena darling.

Not now, Rexy-poo.

Thank you.

Cheers.

Good morning, Linda.

How is your lovely mother?

She's not lovely

and she's not my mother.

Darling, didn't anyone ever tell you

that peevishness is unbecoming

in young ladies?

No. But they told me not to

talk to very strange men.

Morning, Gardeners!

- Good morning.

- Oh, good morning, Arlena.

I think it's gonna be a hot day.

Good morning Mrs Redfern.

Well, well, she's in wonderful shape.

Yeah. How much was it we paid

Kleinfield, Klausewitz and Stummerhoppen

to contest

that phoney doctor's certificate?

$20,000.

Arlena, darling,

you look quite divine in that outfit.

Say no more. It's yours. Next question?

There is something

frightfully important

- I have to talk to you about.

- So talk.

It's a bit private.

You heard the little man, Linda.

Scram!

Well, what is it?

Arlena, I was wondering

if you've had a chance to read

the proofs of the biography yet?

Indeed I have, Rex.

I simply couldn't put it down.

I knew you'd love it.

What a busy bee you've been researching

exactly where I was born... and when.

Well, there aren't too many stars

were born in Tooting Bec

at the turn of the century.

And the sweet way you wrote about

Rate this script:4.5 / 2 votes