Exit Wounds Page #7

-48.

ls Tawana backstage?

-My nipples are sensitive. Yours?

-Yeah. And huge.

l always tell women this.

lf you want it to be over,

lick my nipples.

l like my nipple nibbled on and

bit and pulled. l like a little pain.

l like it too. Very little.

You don't want to say it,

but they get out of control.

-But they are.

-l sort of like it.

Because l am black,

you say l got to do a B and E?

No, no, but....

l pulled your record

before l came over here too.

l know what you used to do.

And l still do.

-You been with a big woman?

-l have.

How was that?

lt was fine.

But l will say this,

they're not jolly.

-They can be cranky.

-Feed them.

-Now, you like big women?

-l love big women.

lf you want to feel the heat,

you got to have the meat.

Yeah, baby.

A big woman is always good.

Good for shade in summer

and good for warmth in winter.

You're not masturbating enough.

-l masturbate two, three times a day.

-Do you?

l like to do it at the tanning salon.

-You got time to kill.

-At the tanning salon.

You probably aren't in there.

But you got to be careful,

because when you're doing it...

...you can't wear the goggles,

you got to watch the door.

So you can go blind masturbating

actually, like the old saying.

Every night, same routine.

l get a towel...

...half damp on one side, warm water.

Half dry on the other.

Astroglide. Lesbian porn.

Second only to nature.

No d*cks allowed, number 67 or 69.

l don't get in trouble.

Clean up, everything's nice.

Although you can get that

on the remote control.

When you do a number two,

do you use a Handy-wipe?

l wipe, then l take a lot of toilet

paper and dip it in water....

-ln the bowl?!

-ln a clean bowl.

-That's what l do.

-And then l wipe my ass.

We're too old to have sh*t stains

in our drawers.

Can't be cool when you got a big-ass

sh*t stain.

l have not peed the bed

since l quit drinking.

But l won a chugging contest

before l quit.

And l not only peed the bed,

l sh*t the bed.

l was in college. l woke and thought:

''What did my roommate do?''

And then l went, ''Wait a minute.

What did l do?''

lf you have a real problem,

get Viagra.

You don't need a problem for that.

You just go and get it.

They need to get that for women.

Well, they would call it Niagra then.

-You watch Oprah?

-Big or small Oprah?

l never liked small Oprah

because her head is too big.

Her head too big for that little body.

Then the eye started to droop.

Looked like E.T.

-Oprah. Stay big.

-Oprah's great.

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