Extract Page #2

It's not formal or anything.

It's just a real loose bunch.

You know, I...

Tell you what. Why don't we do this?

I'm gonna go ahead

and buy those tickets,

since they're gonna sell out fast.

You talk to Suzie. See what she says.

Maybe I'll have Leslie give her a call.

You know how it is

when the wives start talking.

(CHUCKLING)

- I can almost hear it...

- We're gonna talk about this later.

Got to make the call.

Sorry, Joel, I almost forgot.

The tickets are $40 a plate.

Now, I know that's a little bit steep,

but the food is fantastic.

So, that's $80 total.

There's no tax or anything.

Nathan, I really gotta get inside

and make this phone call.

You and I are gonna talk about this

some other time, okay?

You go do that. Hey, Joel?

If you want us to look out

after the house

while you're gone or anything,

we can do that.

- I appreciate that.

- Okay. Yup.

Hey, where you guys going, anyway?

We're going on vacation.

Gosh, I tell you, Leslie and I would love

to go on a vacation with you guys.

(SIGHS)

I gotta go.

All right, then.

I appreciate it, Nathan.

Thank you so much.

You do your thing.

Joel? One more thing.

Hey, Joel?

- Hon.

- Hi.

Man, that Nathan won't shut up.

Oh, I know. What an a**hole.

That wife of his is even worse.

I mean, I wonder how long he would

talk if you just let him go, you know?

I'm actually afraid

to go into our own front yard sometimes

because I'm afraid

he's going to be milling around.

Remember when we had our condo?

We could just go

straight from the garage inside.

No one would bother us.

We could walk to 7-Eleven.

(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

We didn't have to worry

about plumbers or pool cleaners.

Speaking of that,

we've got to hire a new pool cleaner.

He never checks the chlorine levels.

Sorry, it's just this new synthetic vanilla

has a much higher triple point

than we thought,

which means that

the new cookies-and-cream extract

that we've been working on

could really work,

and I just... I gotta get to this

before Weber Flavors beats us to it,

'cause if something like this caught on,

it could be big.

Could sell the company.

Do you remember

that logo that you designed

for the original

cookies-and-cream extract?

I still have that framed in my office.

Do you remember it?

Yeah. And now I design coupons.

Do you want to go to the bedroom?

- Oh, I'm a little tired.

- Really?

Yeah, just... I don't know.

It's the middle of the week.

It's not the middle of the week.

It's Monday, baby.

It's Monday? Sh*t!

- What happened?

- Dancing with the Stars.

(DANCING WITH THE STARS THEME

PLAYING ON TV)

Oh? Is it on?

(SIGHS)

I gotta get a house

that's got a bathroom

that doesn't share a wall with the TV.

Why would you do that?

Because it is a little tough to jerk it

with the TV blaring at you

through the wall, Dean.

Well, why don't you use

one of the other two bathrooms?

It'd be too suspicious.

We don't use those bathrooms.

I'll just...

I'll put some insulation in or something.

Insulation?

You do not need

to put fiberglass in your walls

because you have so much

masturbation shame.

You need to take responsibility

for yourself and snap one off

wherever you want to

in your own home.

You own your house.

You own your own business.

I mean,

you used to be a bartender here.

Now look at what you have.

I know, but come on. What...

What, really, do I have?

Okay? It's a pain in the ass.

I work all the time.

What does it get me?

Nobody cares about extracts,

certainly not my wife.

The stock guy with the shitty band

probably gets laid more often than I do.

Yeah, but he probably lives

in a really crappy apartment.

I would very gladly move

into a crappy apartment

if the bathroom

wasn't right next to the TV.

CINDY:
It belonged to my father.

He passed away last month

and we have all these stupid bills,

and it's just been really hard for me,

you know?

He was really into fusion.

You know, I'm not supposed to say this,

but given the circumstances,

you know, you could take this

down to the music store

and get a lot better deal.

No, that's okay. Really.

I just wanna get this over with.

- I just want it gone.

- I understand. I understand. Here.

I just... I want you to have a little extra.

Here. Come on.

- No. No, no, no. I couldn't. No. No.

- No, no. Just... Just take the money.

You've been through enough already.

Come on.

Okay. Okay.

Oh, my gosh.

God bless you. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Hey.

Are we still looking into

replacing her with a robot?

Yeah, sure. But we might not have to.

You're not gonna believe this,

but remember that guy,

Michael J. Natherton

from General Mills,

who called a while back, talking like

he might want to buy us out?

Yeah. I thought you said

that he wasn't serious,

he was just kicking the tires.

Yeah, well, he's serious now.

He just made us an offer.

- I mean, a real offer.

- Are you kidding me?

It must be part of some

bigger strategic move,

because this is over market value,

I think.

Wow.

I might be able to finally unload

all this stuff and retire, huh?

I mean,

there's a lot of details to work out,

but, yeah, this... This could be great.

He says he'll call back next week.

What should I tell him?

You tell him, "Hell, yes."

Adis, dinkus.

You see that?

I already warned him.

This is the last time.

I'm just gonna sit here.

Oh, no. What now?

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh!

I knew it. That's what happens

when you don't pay attention.

- Mmm-hmm.

- Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, all right.

Just call me if you hear anything else.

He definitely lost one of them,

and they think

that they can reattach the other one,

but they're not sure.

Wow. That's hardcore.

I have no idea how this happened.

We've got such a good safety record,

and we comply

with all the safety codes.

I think it was just some kind

of a freak accident, you know?

Well, you probably have insurance

for that, right?

Yeah, of course. He's probably

gonna get a huge settlement.

Yeah, I would think so.

I mean, it's your balls.

It kind of makes you think, doesn't it,

how fragile we all are?

Especially our balls.

They're just hanging there.

A little sack.

Any minute,

could just be cut off forever.

What'd life be like,

walking around without testicles?

Can you imagine that sh*t?

Yeah, actually,

I rarely use my balls anymore at all.

What about the other night?

I thought you were gonna rub one out

to Dancing with the Stars.

I mean that, you know,

Suzie and I have sex

maybe once every three months.

You know,

sexual frustration is really hard.

But I may have a solution.

- What?

- You need to take some Xanax.

Xanax? Isn't that for anxiety?

It's good for all psychological problems

in the DSM-IV.

Xanax basically

just makes you feel good.

That's why it works for everything.

I take it for the common head cold.

I think it would work great

for sexual frustration.

- Want me to get you some?

- No, I don't.

You know what else is good?

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