Eyes of the Beholder Page #2

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and everybody looks like somebody else.

I'll drink to that, toots.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

May I please have my cognac?

I've been waiting 20 minutes.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Would you mind, please, sir?

The cognac?

So she says to me...

it's her or the jewels.

I chose to keep the jewels.

My jewels.

You know, you have beautiful eyes.

Unalloyed, unblemished black opal.

Almost perfect.

An expert. How fortunate.

Absolutely-tutely.

Voila.

Impressive.

Larry!

My mink was right here.

Oh, my God.

Somebody has taken my mink coat!

Very nice.

And this opal would retail

for approximately what?

- Five thousand.

- Pisces.

- Could you give me possibly--

- It's all in the hands of the gods.

Maybe we should have a couple of kids.

What do you think?

Lay off me. Please?

Hey, lady, I think

it's time you went home.

Merry Christmas, Daddy.

Merry f***ing Christmas.

I wish you blue birds

In the spring

To give your heart a song to sing

- Lucy.

- And then a kiss

But more than this

I wish you love

And in July

A lemonade to cool you with

- Lucy, be quiet.

- Some leafy glade

I wish you health

But more than wealth

I wish you love

- My breaking heart

- Stop sing--

And I agree

That you and I

Could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free

- I wish you--

- Lucy, be quiet!

I'm sorry.

I wish you health

But more than wealth

I wish you

I wish you blue birds in the spring

Harry, cant you read the sign

that says "no pets"?

- This place doesn't allow goldfish.

- They don't make noise.

Debra.

A gentle reminder, darling.

Take out your own trash

on Tuesday and Thursday.

- Of course.

- And don't throw it in the street.

Throw it in a bin.

- Tell your boyfriend to do the same.

- Which one?

The one who's been

following you around all week.

You know the one.

The one who waits outside for you...

and follows you around

like a lost dog.

- You know.

- Describe him.

Oh, so-so.

Average height.

Normal looking.

At my age,

they all look the same.

Have a nice day.

Yo, taxi!

Hey, hold-up!

Yo, babe.

- Come on. Don't be so antisocial.

- You gotta gimme some of that.

- Nuts!

- You ain't gettin' none of that.

How the f*** did you get in here?

Guy downstairs gave me the key.

Your name Debra Yates?

Detective Crocker, NYPD.

What can I do for you, Detective?

You, uh...

dropped your Pisces.

- I've never seen it before.

- Oh, yes, you have.

The guy downstairs says

you're from Salt Lake City.

That's right.

Isn't it against the law to walk away

from the scene of an accident...

in Salt Lake City?

It's against the law

here in New York.

What can I do for you, Detective?

Come again?

How much is this gonna cost me?

- Are you bribing me?

- Yes, I am.

How much?

Okay. A thousand dollars

and a shot of some of that...

whatever it is.

It's cognac.

- What do you do for a living?

- I'm a wigmaker.

I'm here drumming up some business.

You sure you got

a thousand dollars?

No.

But I'm sure we can come to

some kind of an arrangement.

I'm sure youre right.

Don't touch that.

Lady, can I get that for you?

Sir. Sir!

Taxi!

I'm tired, Daddy.

I want to go home.

Soon, sweetheart.

What are we doing here?

It's late.

I'm sorry, baby.

We can't go yet.

Not yet.

If I blink, I might lose her.

So?

So the last time I blinked,

I lost you...

I lost my wife

and I nearly lost my mind.

I can't lose her.

I'll be with you in a minute,

ma'am.

Sorry about the wait. Your brandy,

sir. That's six dollars, please.

Oh, thank you.

Here you are.

- I'm sorry, sir. That's a five.

- Pardon?

No, isn't.

It's a ten, you snake.

Oh, gosh, so it is.

Your drink, sir.

- And your change.

- Keep the change.

Thank you very much.

Happens all the time.

Waiters, taxi drivers, they all

try it on. I find it quite amusing.

You see, I can tell the difference

between a five and a ten.

- How?

- I fold them differently.

Short for a five

and long for a ten.

Cheers.

What are you reading?

Numerology.

Are you amateur or a professional?

Oh, I might be

professional someday.

- When were you born, Mr.--

- Leonard.

Alexander Leonard.

Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Vincent, Charlotte.

How do you do?

So, the fox in the mink?

Cool as a cucumber.

She's gonna take the poor bastard

for everything he's got.

Well, that's my flight, Charlotte.

Thanks again.

It's my flight too.

- Oh.

- May I give you a hand?

You want to help me?

What's the procedure?

Very well.

I take your arm and you lead.

Your heart is beating so fast.

Why is that?

Oh, I was a little nervous...

that someone might

show up at the airport.

Oh, don't worry.

On the arms of a blind man...

is the safest place for

a beautiful woman to be.

Sir, sir!

You forgot this!

The eye which is reflected

to the external world...

is also the mirror

to the soul within.

- Ident.

- Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Where the hell have you been?

You go shitting through a tea towel.

- Youve got to speak to the boss.

- Stall for me.

Look, tell him Paul Hugo now goes

under the name of Barry Grible.

He spent a week in Montreal, and then

he went to Seattle with a girl.

He's on his way to Rome now. I'm on him,

but the plane's about to board.

I'm gonna send you a sample, Hil.

I want you to run

a fulI DNA test on it for me.

- It's a pubic hair.

- Not until you tell me what's going on.

Nothing's going on.

I'm close, thats all.

Don't do this. I'm not putting

my ass on the line again.

Look, this is not about the kid.

Hilary, look, this is legit.

Hil. Hilary.

- You son of a b*tch.

- That's my girl.

So I'll send this to you today.

It should reach you by Thursday.

I have to go, Hil.

Well, well, what is this?

Mr. Leonard.

I tell you, it wasn't me.

I don't know what youre talking about.

Even so, it's lovely.

Step.

Here, let me feel it.

- Is that it? lt's a mere trinket.

- It's very sweet.

- I have a much bigger surprise for you.

- Oh, my.

An old friend passed away

leaving me with this eyesore...

and I've been scratching my head

wondering what to do with it.

And what do you

intend to do with it?

Do you want to bean

amateur all your life?

What can I say?

It's fantastic.

So do we consider

ourselves partners?

If you insist.

Like I said, if you like her so much,

why dont you talk to her?

- I don't talk to anyone.

- You talk to me.

- You're not real.

- Oops. Time.

He loves her...

and he's going to

take her away from you.

Not if she does him in first.

Youre jealous, Daddy.

And you're not!

I hereby declare Charlotte's den

Of astrology and numerology...

officially open.

- Did I get it, darling?

- It was perfect.

Okay, this is it. This is the last

I can do. Then you file the report.

So it looks like your

sweet little chair came through.

- What?

- The DNA test.

She's got a record.

- When did this come through?

- Yesterday.

- Yesterday?

- Hey, I'm on the line as it is.

- So cut the crap.

- Im sorry.

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