F*** the Prom

---

[Ken] Dude,

first day of high school.

Oh, you are so lucky.

What I'd give to go back

and do it all again,

exactly the same way.

Star quarterback,

- prom king...

- Prom king.

[both]

Class vice-president.

All the glory, none of

the responsibility.

I know, Dad. I've heard it

a thousand times.

Remember what I told you.

Be popular.

It's the best.

Check. Whatever.

Don't forget that.

[sighs]

See you tonight.

[upbeat music playing]

Ready?

As I'll ever be.

[Ken] Cole.

Stop trying to peek at

Maddy's nipples.

Oh, my God! Dad!

[sighs] Sorry about that.

He doesn't know

he's an adult.

[chuckles]

You wanna race?

Nah. Not today.

Afraid you'll lose?

Ha!

Yeah, you're right.

'Cause I mean, boys are just

so much faster and stronger.

And total suckers.

Thanks for the headstart.

Oh, sh*t.

Incoming freshman

Maddy Dadner

is on point to finally beat

her arch rival Cole Reed.

And the crowd goes wild.

I don't want people to think

I'm a loser.

Worse case

you always have me.

At school and next door.

- True.

- Oh, hey. Hold on.

[Maddy] Whoa!

Thanks.

But, uh, do you really think

high school's gonna be

all that different

from middle school?

Probably not.

It's all the same kids we've

known since kindergarten.

How much could people really

change in three months?

Go on, I'll meet you

at class.

Oh, okay.

What's up, bro!

[students laughing]

[girl] Look at those

tighty whiteys.

Nice to meet you, tiny.

Guess who got

a new nickname.

[school bell ringing]

[boy]

What's up, Tighty?

Ooh, Tighty.

Fantastic, baby.

Keeping it clean, Tighty?

[girl] Hey, Tighty.

You think you're fooling people

with those headphones,

but I know you've been

listening and keeping track

of how many times

you've been called Tighty,

because you're totally lame and

obsessed with your shitty nickname.

Good morning, City.

The only thing

"good" about this morning

is that it's one day closer

to graduation.

Oh, no.

You are an inspiration.

The M&Ms are goddesses.

The M&Ms are called that because their

first names are Maddy and Marissa,

which starts with an "M".

Sup, Stuffs?

Come on, Maddy. G2G.

It's Stufts, with a "T".

Not "stuffs".

Why do you even

try anymore.

You know they don't

listen to you.

It's the principle

of the thing.

[inspiring music]

Principal Statszill here.

Welcoming all you

sexy young things

back from spring break.

Prom is just

around the corner.

Don't wait to find a date.

The last thing you want is to squander

the greatest night of your young life

on some third tier loser

from AP Cal.

So consider this your

official "save the date"

for May 17th,

the night of the big "P".

Prom, that is.

Good day.

[inspiring music]

Alrighty, then.

Group study time.

Pair up, pair, up, pair up.

Tig. [coughs]

[students] Tig. Tig.

[students fake coughing]

Eat a bowl of d*cks!

Could you please focus on

something other than

making your peers

hate themselves?

Now go ahead and

take out your phones

and use them in ways your parents

and I will never understand.

Well, what do we have...

Come on!

You can't hide your drawings

from me forever.

Only until they're finished.

When's that? 2047?

May 17th.

The art school I've applied to

is hosting a gallery night,

and that's where I'll

show my drawings.

That is the best

news ever.

Thank you for officially giving

me a reason to miss prom.

Hey, guess what I'm doing

on May 17th.

Um, nobody cares.

I'm going to Cole's art show

and everyone else

can suck it.

Freak.

Oh. What do we have here?

Cole on Instagram.

And where is he at?

Oh, of course.

Maddy Dadner's feed.

It's just for inspiration.

From Maddy's feed?

Why can't you pick one of the other

16 billion girls on Instagram?

Come on. Everyone is

on her feed.

Did you guys see Maddy's

eyebrows from last weekend?

Oh! On fleek.

There's a very

specific reason

why she has the most followers

in the entire school.

Because no one's monitoring

pervy old dudes

who don't want to

pay for porn.

Sad but true.

But it is also

because of her hair.

Every day

since freshman year,

Maddy's had

a different hairstyle

and posted a photo

of every single one.

Stalker.

Even you can't resist

the M&M's.

The M&M's are

an inspiration.

The M&M's are goddesses.

- The M&M's are...

- Not even here right now.

What is wrong with

all of you?

[scoffs] Like you're innocent.

I know you still talk to

Maddy sometimes.

Yeah.

And I self loathe for it.

I look at myself

in the mirror and say,

"Stupid b*tch,

she stole your boyfriend."

I am running up

lines for a play.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

I know that play, okay?

I live that play.

[school bell ringing]

[Principal Statszill over pa] Charles

Adams may not have been accepted by

his presidential

father, John,

but you can find acceptance

by fitting in.

Tighty and Stuffs.

That's a match

made in heaven.

It's "Stufts" with a "T".

Idiot.

[clapping]

Hi, Maddy.

Oh, my God. Your hair

looks great today, Maddy.

I can't believe we

used to be friends with them.

Wish I'd never met

a single one of them.

In a way I used to be them,

so there is a one.

Easy with the riddles,

Master Baggins.

Actually, if you were

still a "them",

we wouldn't be friends.

Can we please not bring up the incident

that brought us together, Tighty?

We've rehashed that one

enough to make a breakfast.

And a second breakfast.

- Or elevenses.

- You need to stop that.

What do you think

about this one?

I feel like it captures

the essence of high school.

Sports, winning,

Kane and I.

IDK.

Well, what about...

this one?

Shouldn't we use photos

of, like, the whole squad,

not just you and Kane?

Well, sure.

But we discussed having

an aspirational power couple

pic of Kane and I.

I just have to find

the best one.

Why don't we just do

a collage of your hair pics

and call it a day?

Marissa, are you riled?

No.

But if you could stop being

a selfish pigeon for one sec,

that would be great.

Did you just call me

a pidge?

So what if I did?

How dare you?

Come on. You know I would

never betray you like that.

Go with the football pic.

It's more iconic.

Like a Taylor Swift song.

Oh, you're so right.

Now onto the group shots.

I'm going to the ladies' room.

Be right back

Wow.

What?

Marissa, I'm so impressed.

No abbreviation.

Laughing out loud.

[cell phone buzzing]

[gasps]

She needs to take this.

Hey, M, you forgot your...

You pidge!

Maddy, it's not what

it looks like.

So it's not my boyfriend

and best friend making out,

but rather some optical

illusion of that?

Well, if you believe that,

then, yes.

Oh, my God.

You? I can't even...

This...

Yeah, Maddy.

You're right.

Oh, f*** it.

It's not what it

looks like.

Mm.

Believe it.

[sobbing softly]

Maddy, what's wrong?

Nothing.

Everything.

Kane didn't do something

without consent, did he?

- What?

- No.

I mean, yeah, he did.

[gasps] Oh, not my baby!

- Oh, gosh!

- Not my baby!

- Call the police.

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