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Fading Gigolo
MURRAY:
You know, mygrandfather started the shop,
my father had it,
and now I have to close it.
This is the end
of an era, my friend.
Let me tell you.
Nowadays, only...
rare people buy rare books.
You'll get back on your feet.
Hey, I have a very
funny story to tell you.
- Mm-hmm.
- Today I was at my dermatologist's
for a little procedure,
nothing serious.
You know, I'm talking
to her for a while.
- Mm-hmm.
- She tells me she was with her girlfriend,
and they... they were
discussing things.
And they came to the conclusion
that they both wanted
to have a mnage.
This is what she tells me.
And I... I'm flabbergasted.
I say, "A mnage a trois?"
And she said, "Yeah."
This is what she wants.
- This came out of nowhere.
- Out of nowhere.
The... apparently,
she and her girlfriend
want to experience,
you know, a threesome.
And... and she asked me,
do I know anybody?
And I... I said...
I said, "Yeah.
"I know somebody,
but it'll cost you
a thousand bucks."
And... And you know,
the truth is,
I was thinking of you.
- Me?
- Why not?
You... You were always
great with women.
And, you know, she's attractive.
She's round and curvaceous...
I saw a photograph
of her friend in a thong.
And her friend
is a crippler, and she's...
Are you on drugs?
Apart from my Zoloft, no.
Well, why would I ever
entertain something like that?
How many... How many days
you working now
at the flower shop?
- Two.
- Two, okay, so you're living
hand to mouth. Jesus.
Who bailed you out when you couldn't
make the rent money last month?
Yeah, but I paid you back.
Yes, you paid me back,
but basically you're out of work.
And you're closing shop.
And I'm closing shop.
Exactly.
Of course, I would, you know,
I mean, I... I saw myself
getting a small fee.
How long do you know me?
Long? I've known you
since you were a kid,
since you broke into
this bookstore and tried to rob it.
Papa Mo, I'm sorry
you lost your job.
Your mother still has her job,
so thank God for that.
Papa Mo, what does
this word mean?
E-n-s-o-r-c-e-l-l-e-d.
"Ensorcelled" is, you know,
like "enchanted," like when a...
a sorceress casts
a spell on you.
Don't you go getting
yourself enchanted
while mama's away at work.
This is how she talks
to the man who put her
through bartender school.
- Mm-hmm.
- There's lice in my class, Papa Mo.
- I think I got lice.
- Lice?
My hair itches.
- Oh my God.
- [PHONE RINGS]
No, no, no! Don't touch,
don't touch anything.
Nothing in the house.
Don't touch a thing.
Now I'ma have to bring your ass
back to the lice lady.
- Hello?
- Hello, Murray.
It's Dr. Parker.
Dr. Parker, is something wrong?
Were you serious?
Knowing someone?
Oh. Oh.
My husband's got
a lot of money, Murray,
- and I'd like to...
- Hang on a second.
Excuse me.
Let me take this in my office.
Maybe I should
try your guy out first.
Alone. Just me and him.
You know, kind of like
an out-of-town tryout.
Exactly, like a sneak preview.
Yeah. Is he clean?
Yes, of course he's clean.
I mean, I don't want to get AIDS.
- AIDS?
- Or gonorrhea.
Gonorrhea?
Jesus, what are you talking about?
He's a nice kid.
I know him personally.
- And he would tell you?
- Yes, he would.
You know, as far as I know.
And he's got protection?
Sure, he's got protection.
The guy's a pro.
I'm a little crazed.
I just came from an AIDS benefit.
So...
- We're really going to do this?
- We're definitely going to do it.
I mean, I'm not going to be there.
- Okay.
- You know, I just have to,
you know, check out his availability,
because, you know,
he's highly in demand.
Lover boy.
What are you doing in that closet?
Checking for lice.
- He's always checking for something.
- Oh my god.
You need a young,
slick, leading man type.
This is exactly my point.
I am not a beautiful man.
Did I say you were beautiful?
But you have a different quality.
You have a certain kind of sex appeal.
- Thank you.
- Is Mick Jagger a beautiful man?
The guy opens his mouth to sing.
It's a horror.
But he's hot. Mick is hot.
And that's what you have.
Let me ask you a question.
You look good
without your clothes, right?
How do you know?
Because some guys just look better
when they're naked.
I figured you're one.
What does that have to do
with Mick Jagger?
He's rich and he's famous.
Yes, but you're sexy.
- Says who?
- Says me.
You're a sick man.
You need help.
I go for help twice a week.
You need a guy like...
Tom Ford or George Clooney.
You're not that.
You're a... you're a...
a man's man in a certain way.
You're... you know,
you're not afraid to get dirty.
You get your hands dirty.
You're working with plants.
Earth. You're with
wires and plumbing
and drain pipes
and bowls, you know.
You do disgusting work.
You're not afraid...
Hey. You're disgusting
in a very positive way.
Thank you.
That's always nice to hear.
You know, women...
All kinds of women.
You do great with them.
Blondes, brunettes,
redheads, Asian women.
- Pregnant women.
- Not for money.
Hey. Am I saying "for money"?
You're going to make
somebody happy here.
Listen, I'm not a young man.
- You understand?
- You're not young.
But you're an experienced lover.
Why shouldn't you get paid for it?
Am I your friend?
You're more than a friend.
And you wanto to turn me into a ho?
MURRAY:
Would I... Would I steer you wrong?
So what's the split?
Okay. Now, now we can discuss things.
I didn't say I was interested.
I want to know, what would it be?
Well, you know,
an agent gets 10% usually.
A manager will take 15%.
The guys in the art galleries get 50%.
- They split 50-50.
- Mm-hmm.
I'd say 60/40 would be nice.
You know, favoring you.
Favoring you.
All right, let me think about it.
As soon as we get
the lice out of his head,
I'll take you on the carousel.
Can I go on The Twister?
Yeah, we'll do it all.
You know,
I just want to get him de-loused.
- I got a question, Uncle Mo.
- What?
Why do all these people have...
- What?
- Curlies and beards?
Yeah, and sideburns.
For warmth.
It's for warmth.
[BRAKES SCREECHING]
[CARS CRASHING]
- Unbelievable.
- I was merging!
across the street.
What are you, blind, cowboy?
There's a stop sign right there!
What's the matter with you people?
...in the car with
a herniated disc.
let me tell you something,
There's going to be
a big problem here.
- I don't want any trouble.
- You got to be kidding me!
[MEN SHOUTING]
What happened?
- Watch your tzitzit!
- Thanks, Dovi!
Are you all right, honey?
If anything happens
to my wife, you're...
I'm very sorry...
Take it easy? This guy just
rammed right into me and my wife.
- Look at the dent.
- I see the dent. It's a bad dent.
I'm not excited!
Get off my back!
Where's the police?
- [YELLING]
- Jesus Christ!
Speak English!
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"Fading Gigolo" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 7 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/fading_gigolo_7933>.
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