Fading Gigolo Page #5

BOY:
Aim low!

De la rosa sale el espino.

Del espino sale la rosa.

From the rose comes the thorn,

from the thorn comes the rose.

You're beautiful.

You're really beautiful.

- Avigal...

- Shh.

You see me.

I don't have to be someone else.

That's enough.

Kiss me.

Let me look at you first.

The mishna warns a married woman

never to appear outside her home

with her hair visible.

Your husband, Avigal,

is gone.

Well, is he coming or not?

I'm so excited.

MURRAY:

Absolutely.

Yeah, we're completely ready.

And the menage is on.

Hey, I only wish I was there.

Oh, Mr. Bongo.

You're nasty.

I'm... I am, but you're

the one who suggested it.

Tell me. Have you ever...

done it before? You know...

mnage a trois?

Yeah, in 1977, during a blackout.

We... nobody could see anything.

But it was still very pleasant.

[CHUCKLES]

You're naughty.

Hey, you do remember that

a threesome is 2,000 bucks.

[HUMMING]

What is this?

I think you've got the wrong guy.

I've already been circumcised.

MAN:

Come on, come on, come on.

Enough talk. In, in, in.

Get in. In. Good.

[MUTTERING]

MURRAY:

What'd I do? Break the dietary laws?

MAN:

He's loose! He's moving!

He's on the loose!

He's on the run!

Get him, get him!

A number of rabbis

have questions for you.

Serious questions.

We have your consent, right?

I don't know what's going on.

I want to speak

to my lawyer, Sol Hirsch.

If it was up to me,

I'd tie you to a stone

and leave you

on the side of the road.

David had five smooth stones.

[SPEAKS YIDDISH]

I got this.

Hey, look, that's not funny.

I... I have no idea

what crime I've committed.

Crime?

There's a certain woman

in our community, a widow,

a very special woman.

I've never seen her smile,

not like this.

But what you're doing...

it's not right.

[SIREN WAILING]

- I'm coming!

- Come on, hurry up!

Youkilis!

Watch this!

Whoo!

Tell Murray to be careful.

Dovi is looking for him.

FIORAVANTE:

Dovi? Who's that?

He's the man in charge

of the neighborhood patrol.

We grew up together.

Does he like you?

I don't know.

Yes, very much.

Why? Are you jealous?

A little.

Good.

I'm sorry I put you in this position.

Don't be.

Will you be okay?

I wish to know you more.

But I'm happy

you're a little bit in my life.

Me too.

SHIMSHON:

Here comes high...

[PHONE RINGS]

- Hello?

FIORAVANTE:
Hey.

- Hey, Fior.

- Is Murray home yet?

I can't get through to him.

He just ran out to get me some milk.

He should be back in a minute.

- Everything all right?

- Mm-hmm.

You should see

this couch he bought me.

Things are really looking up.

Yeah. They really are.

- Everything okay?

- Yeah.

Let me know when he calls.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Mom.

My butt hurts.

Mm-hmm, that's what I told you

about not eating your vegetables.

No vegetables, no poop.

I know, Mom.

Sometimes I'm stubborn.

I know.

Yeah, what's up, Fior?

You haven't heard

from Murray, have you?

No, why, is he in trouble?

DRIVER:

Sh*t, overheated.

Does he need representation?

- Can you deal with this?

- I'll try, man.

Yeah, well, he's disappeared.

I think it's, like,

an orthodox thing or something.

- Satmar or Lubovitch?

- Satmar.

Ay, those people are serious.

You know, they wear

those big furry hats.

I'll make a couple of phone calls.

Well, what should I do?

You fill me in

and then wait by the phone.

I know you want to help,

but if this is sit-down,

I'm sorry, you're not invited.

[DANCE MUSIC RINGTONE]

- Who's this?

- Othella. Who are you?

Who am I? Nobody.

I'm trying to reach Mo.

Is this (917) 292-1413?

- Is Mo there?

- She's looking to talk with you.

What's going on?

I don't want to know what's going on.

but don't hurt him.

Okay? You touch him,

you touch one hair on his body,

you're going to have to answer to me.

I will pull a Michael Corleone on you.

Michael Corleone?

Who's that?

- Is that a threat?

- Yeah, it's a threat!

The Godfather.

Never heard of him.

- Everything all right, Mom?

- Everything is fine.

She doesn't sound Jewish.

[PHONE RINGS]

- Othella?

- Murray?

- Yes.

- What's going on?

No, no, no. It was...

It was an old friend

that I ran into from yeshiva.

- An old yeshiva friend...

- Mm-hmm. I don't believe you.

Why would I be lying?

- She thinks I'm lying.

- You are lying.

- Are you on your way home?

- No no no.

Something's come up,

and I'm going to be home later.

When?

When am I coming home?

If you're coming home.

MAN:

Come on, come on.

Get him out, get him out.

Why are you taking me here?

Wh... what holiday is this?

Sol. Am I glad to see you.

- How did you hear?

- Well, I got a call.

Fior filled me in.

You put him on the game

and you don't tell me?

You don't what I went through

to get here today.

My car died. So I hopped

on the Brighton Beach express.

Transferred to the 48.

Under Jewish law,

you're entitled to counsel.

Pro bono, of course.

Yeah, you'll pay me by the hour.

[WOMEN LAUGH]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Is anybody here?

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

Take off your clothes.

And your socks.

SELIMA:

Black socks are disgusting.

Come. She's so soft,

like a stuffed animal.

Come, touch her.

Touch her.

[GAVEL POUNDS]

We are gathered here

with our brethren

and one who has wandered

far from his tribe

to commence this Din Torah.

You the accused,

state your name.

My name?

Murray.

Murray what?

Schwartz.

Can I put my laundry down?

RABBIS:

Gesundheit.

Murray Schwartz,

are you proud to be a Jew?

[CLEARS THROAT]

I'm proud,

and I'm also scared.

Do you celebrate

the Holy Shabbos?

I... I would love to,

but, you know,

a guy's gotta make a living.

CHIEF REBBE:

When King Solomon ruled the world,

if you broke the law,

committed adultery,

murder, incest,

- RABBI:
Transvestism...

- CHIEF REBBE:
idolatry...

- Bestiality...

- Pimpdom...

You were finished!

Ver gerharget!

Stoned by the mob.

SOL:

It's really rarely, rarely enforced.

Maybe once every 70 years.

I mean, otherwise

we're accused of barbarism.

DR. PARKER:

Aah!

You're completely

blonde down there.

Yeah, that's why I make

Anthony do the highlights,

- So that it matches.

- I can't believe we're doing this.

This was your idea.

You called Bongo.

I did. Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry, I just...

What's the matter, baby?

I can't.

Preoccupied?

These things happen.

I'm psychic.

Maybe it's the money.

- Mm-hmm.

- Maybe the money's blocking him.

Listen, we can do it for free

if that's going to make you feel better.

- Mm-hmm.

- No, it's not.

- You don't like us anymore?

- No.

He's in love.

You think, like real love?

Yeah.

Look at him.

That's beautiful.

I'm so happy for you.

Yeah.

CHIEF REBBE:
Has this man

ever studied his oral law?

SOL:

I have, and I find it

a dialectical taffy-pull.

I mean, I have been

taught since I was a kid

that sex is filthy and forbidden,

and I think that's

the way it should be.

And in my opinion,

the filthier

and the more forbidden it is,

the more exciting it is.

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