Fallen Stars

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1

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Are you taking off?

- Yeah, work.

Okay.

Well.

This is really embarrassing.

I don't remember your name.

- Cooper.

- Right.

Well, Cooper, thanks.

This was fun.

- Well, maybe we can

do it again sometime.

- Yeah, yeah, totally.

I'll be in touch.

- Hi, buddy.

- Hey.

- Are you a club member?

Sir?

- Huh?

- Are you a club member?

- Yeah.

- That's Jon.

Jon snow.

You know, game of thrones.

- Oh, I've never seen it.

- Huh, no sh*t.

Okay, well, do you

want me to take him out

so you can meet him?

- No, I'm...

I don't rally know

what I'm doing here.

- There he is.

- Okay, so if you had to choose,

would you rather be eaten

by a shark or burnt alive?

- Why do I have to choose?

- Because you do.

- I'm gonna go with shark.

- Really?

Interesting.

I've missed you.

What's with you?

- I don't know.

Just a funk I guess.

- Yeah, well, that's why god

invented distilled

beer, my friend.

Hello, Joyce, how's

life treating you?

- Life, what life?

All I do is work.

- Well, at least you've

got your health, right?

- Oh, yeah, I'm a

regular fairy Princess.

- Okay, so what do priests

and Christmas trees

both have in common?

Ah, hello?

What do priests and Christmas

trees both have in common?

Their balls are

only for decoration.

Oh come on, that's it?

That's all I get?

But you are laughing

on the inside, right?

- In tears.

- Liar.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Can I get something for you?

- Yeah, Campari and soda.

- Another one under the

bridge, as they say, right?

How was your night?

- It was long.

- Well, tomorrow's another day.

Okay, I hope you have

a wonderful evening.

- You look tired.

- Oh, yeah, well how

about you lick my balls?

- You want something?

So, you want me to lock up?

- Well, I'm sure as

sh*t not gonna do it.

See you tomorrow.

Don't forget to turn

off the damn lights.

- So, Jon.

What the hell am I doing here?

Yeah.

I don't know either.

- Well, look who's back.

You want to meet him?

It's no big deal.

- I can't.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, thanks.

- There he is.

- Okay, so how do gay

horses greet each other?

- I do not know.

- Hay!

So, my friend,

what's new with you?

- Since yesterday?

Not a whole lot.

- You know, for a bartender,

you're really shitty

at making small talk.

- That is probably true.

Is it a special occasion?

- Actually, this is for you?

- Really?

- Yes, sir, open it.

- I don't get it.

- Happy anniversary.

- What?

- You've been working for

this fine establishment

for exactly 10 years

so happy anniversary.

- What?

How did you know that?

- Well, you started

working here the same day

that my divorce from my

third wife was finalized

and trust me that's a day you

don't forget any damn soon.

Are you gonna say something

or just stare at

it all night long?

- F***.

- So, 10 years, huh?

Wow.

- Yeah.

Guess so.

- That is really

something, you know that?

Gosh, I guess we

are turning into

a bunch of old farts you and I.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Campari and soda, right?

- Sure, thanks.

- One more?

- Nah, time to go.

Until we meet again, kind sir.

- Have a good night, Ron.

Good book?

- It's okay.

- "Woman in the dunes".

What's that about?

- Sand.

- Sand?

That sounds really interesting.

Okay then, another drink?

- No, thanks.

- Okay.

You have a great night.

- Jon.

I hope you don't mind having

processed food products.

Oh, hey.

- Check you out.

Can't seem to stay away, huh?

- Huh?

Oh, yes.

Did Jon get adopted?

'Cause he's not at his kennel.

He's okay, right?

- I'm sorry.

- What?

- We...

We fight like hell to

try to save them all

but there's just too many

and not enough space.

I'm so so sorry.

- Hello.

Can I get something for you?

- Yeah.

- The usual?

- No, something stronger.

- Okay.

What can I get for you?

- Bourbon or whiskey,

I don't really care.

- Alright, a bourbon or

whiskey coming right up.

- Thanks.

- Hey, are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Hey buddy, how's it going?

- Hey, Ron.

Hey.

Hey, are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

I'll take another.

- Yeah, that's probably

not a good idea.

- Whatever.

Play it again, Sam.

- Sorry but I can't do it.

- Why?

I'm fine.

- Excuse me for a second.

What's up?

- Guy at table 12

says he can't taste the

alcohol in his drink.

- It's a long island ice tea.

What the f*** does

he think is in it?

- I know, I know.

But can't you just

fix it for me, please?

- Yeah, sure.

There you go, happy?

- Thank you.

- I really need to get laid.

What?

You?

Sh*t, in your dreams maybe.

- What?

- Why are you so

sad all the time?

- I'm not sad all the time.

- Sh*t, like hell you're not.

- So, any chance you

wanted to lock up tonight?

- Any chance you

want to bite my ass?

Oh, and don't forget,

Bugman comes tonight.

- Shut up.

Hi.

- Hi.

Okay, okay, okay.

Sorry.

We need to call you a cab or

an Uber or something, right?

- F*** Uber.

- You seriously can't stay here.

- Can I have a glass of water?

- Yeah, okay, okay.

Look, so, I'm thinking...

No, no, no, no.

Hey, you need to get up.

Look, you need to get up.

No, you can't stay here.

Up, up.

- You're an a**hole.

- Look, listen.

You can't stay here, okay?

- I just want to sleep.

- No, no, no, no.

- Hey.

- Hey.

What?

- Nothing, bro.

I can come by next week

if you want, no sweat.

- No.

Hey, hey.

You need to go home.

- Seriously bro, I can

come back next week.

- No, alright?

Just...

I'll take care of this.

Okay, okay.

- Thank you.

- Get some sleep.

Hey.

Hey!

- What?

- Where are you going?

- Home.

- Well, do you want a ride?

- No, I'm fine.

- Are you sure?

Fine, fine, whatever.

- You sure you don't mind?

- Yeah.

- I'm not an alcoholic,

if that's what you think.

- That's not what I think.

- I don't even drink really.

- I don't know why you

care what I think anyway.

- I don't.

- You want to get some coffee?

Do you want to talk

about anything?

- I don't even know you.

- Okay.

- Are you done?

So what are you?

Like some sort of

actor or something?

- What?

Where's that coming from?

- Isn't everyone who

works in a restaurant

some sort of actor?

- No, they're not.

And no, I'm not an actor.

- Okay.

So, what's your deal then?

- My deal?

Well, if you must know,

I'm working on an algorithm

that can predict

within 99% accuracy

the exact moment

you're gonna die.

- You're an ass.

- That is the only smart

thing you've said all day.

I am nothing.

Just a bartender, that's it.

It's all there is.

Wanna hear a joke?

How do gay horses

greet each other?

Hay!

Wow, cool place.

- It's okay.

Okay.

Thanks.

- I don't even know your name.

- Daisy.

Yes, really.

- What a great name.

- Not really.

- Did you know that if you live

in a major metropolitan area

and you've been

married for over a year

the chances of you getting

laid more than once a week

are the same as your getting

killed in a drive-by?

- I did not.

- The only difference is

that with the drive-by

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