Fancy Pants Page #8

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- Yeah, leg up.

A little lower, please.

Just a little lower. Chin up.

That'll have to hold you

till I catch the fox.

Well...

Now, you hold fox good.

I put on gravy.

Gravy? What's that for?

Dogs not hunt fox before,

but dogs very much like gravy.

Hurray for the president!

Good morning. Good morning.

Oh, Mr. President, this is so thrilling!

Ain't it, everybody?

Yes, indeed. Bully idea, this fox hunt.

It may not be exactly like England, but

the fox will never know the difference.

- This horse is yours, Mr. President.

- Fine. Fine.

Tallyho! Pip-pip, everyone!

- Top of the morning.

- Morning, Brinstead.

- Splendid day for the hunt.

- Righto. Typical Devonshire weather.

Give a horse a man he can ride!

Well, where's Bessie?

- Here, Bess, here, Bess.

- Bessie's over here.

- I didn't recognize you. You have...

- Just a minute, your lordship.

Mr. President, I brought this pony from

my ranch, the best jumper around.

I'd be honored

if you'd ride him in the hunt.

Capital, sir, capital. Very nice of you.

I'd be delighted. Fine animal.

Fine animal.

But the earl is a guest of our country.

He should have the horse.

Oh, I wouldn't think of it.

After all, fox hunting is old hat for me.

I don't wanna deprive you

of the best jumper.

I figured that,

so I brought you one just as good.

- Oh, you didn't have to do that.

- Bully! In that case, then I'll accept.

- Change the saddle.

- Yes, bully, by all means.

- Now bring in the earl's horse.

- Yeah, bring...

- That's a horse?

- Why, that's Peaceful!

- "Peaceful." Nickname, huh?

- He just put four riders to rest.

Yeah, but they weren't masterful

horsemen like the earl.

He'll quiet down once

he knows that you're the boss.

Can't we tell him before that?

I don't want to appear ungrateful,

but I promised Bessie she could go

and I don't wanna disappoint her.

Would you rather disappoint

the president?

- Don't answer that.

- Let's get that saddle on him!

- What are we gonna do now?

- Well, you could break a leg.

I knew I could depend on you.

All ready for you, earl.

Come on, I'll give you a leg up.

Leg up, he says.

Little does he know.

Coming, old bean. Ta.

Oh, terribly sorry. Clumsy me.

Awkward leg up.

What happened?

- What is it?

- It's an old injury.

Got it playing rugby at Oxford.

Kept me off the crew.

I was a four-letter man.

I know. Well, we can't

have the hunt without you.

- I guess we'll have to call it off.

- Nothing of the sort. Tradition!

Oh, no, I'll be all right. Didn't sleep

last night just thinking of it.

Don't unsaddle Peaceful. Just bring

him over and have him kneel down.

Now, Brinstead, you mustn't try to ride.

You'll only aggravate that injury.

Oh, I'll suffer through, pres.

I'll be all right.

You can't ride. President's orders.

Oh, well, I guess I'm outvoted.

Rum luck.

First fox hunt

I ever remember missing.

I don't know how I'll explain it

down at the Hunt Club.

There it goes. Well, buzz off

without me, you lucky people.

Mount up, you all. Have fun.

I'll just sit here

until you and the pain go away.

Oh, too bad earl busty leggy.

Yeah.

And it's gonna get a lot worse.

Give me that gravy.

Mustn't keep the president waiting.

Pip-pip, cheerio.

Tally! Bring back the fox.

I'll make a neckpiece for you.

- Oh, you lovely knee.

- That's hard luck, earl.

- Wanna be real careful with this leg.

- That's all right.

- Any more injuries? How's this?

- Don't break that.

- It's the only one I have left.

- How's your chest?

- I'm fine.

- Any broken ribs?

- No, I'm all right.

- How's your back?

Oh, my back?

- Don't worry.

- That's nice of you.

That's all right. I'll be fine.

Trump the trumpets!

Unbox the fox!

Look at him go!

Must have a date with another fox.

Unbound the hounds!

Away!

Hey, they're looking for you.

Help! Murder! Police, dogs!

Help! Go away!

What am I, the fox?

Stool pigeon.

Must be a meat shortage!

Please help!

I wouldn't do this to a dog!

I'd throw you a bone,

but it's on my leg!

This is the first hunt I've ever ridden

where we lost the dogs.

Maybe we should go home, get some

guns and turn this into a bear hunt.

Don't think I'll have time.

Just barely be able to ride back

and say goodbye to my friend, the earl.

Couldn't we just buy some more dogs

and keep going?

Ma, we've already corralled

every animal that could bark.

I don't see what could've happened

to a whole mess of hungry hounds.

Come on.

Hey.

Hey!

One for the road?

For a man with a bad leg,

you ride pretty good.

Oh, well, when one is born

to the saddle, the hunt must go on.

- You don't say.

- Oh, yes.

In fact, the Brinstead coat of arms

is a pair of riding britches

- rampant on a field of blisters.

- That's very funny.

Now let's see you laugh your way

out of this, Mr. Tyler.

- Tyler. Who's Tyler?

- You are.

Here's your picture, Mr. Tyler.

I've been reading what they had to say

about you. Here you are:

"Arthur Tyler, an American

and an actor. But not a very good one."

Oh, yeah? Just a minute.

There's one here that says...

There's a... Look here. It says, "Arthur

Tyler gives a standout performance".

- Then you admit you are Arthur Tyler?

- Of course not.

Then what's this scrapbook

doing under your pillow?

I like to sleep with my head high.

I'm Humphrey, Earl of Brinstead, old

fellow. Pip-pip and all that hoity-toity.

And I'd like to take my scrapbook.

The president and this

town's gonna be real upset

when they find out how you and them

Flouds made fools out of them.

But Mr. Belknap. Surely you're

not gonna tell them about it.

Not so much for me, but for the

Flouds. They're such nice people.

- Especially Aggie.

- Yeah, that's right.

I wouldn't miss this

for a million bucks.

Well, here we go, Mr. Tyler.

Cheerio.

By the way, I'll put a real good finish

on this for you. Your funeral notice.

You can't do it. You're not going

out of here with that scrapbook!

Oh, no?

He found my scrapbook.

He knows I'm an actor.

Well, get out of there, quick!

I could've sworn that was Brinstead.

- Brinstead? Where?

- There.

Quick! Here comes the president.

Get out!

- Brinstead!

- Oh, Mr. Roosevelt!

I almost didn't make it.

I had to say goodbye, sir.

- What happened?

- I wanted to reach the train

before you left, but I fell down twice

every time I got up. Bad leg, sir.

You shouldn't have attempted it.

You ought to be in bed.

Don't worry about me. It was jolly

of you to stop off here in Big Squaw.

Splendid hunt. Wish I'd been there.

Perhaps we'll hunt together sometime

when you come across the pond.

So that's what happened

to our dogs.

Crazy dogs. Why did

they have to chase him here?

Listen, you and this whole town

ought to know what them Flouds

and that fake earl's trying

to put over on you.

- What are you talking about, Belknap?

- He's just a cheap little actor.

This is the most humiliating thing.

Why, I'm going right back to England...

He's a fake and that book

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