Fanny Pack

---

Yeah

[]

Yeah

Hey

Yeah

[]

- I won't let Dad control me.

- No, he loves you!

He's...

He's just trying

to understand you,

that's all.

- Mom, I'm 25.

He's never going to understand.

- You know, you're just

as stubborn as he is.

- Tell him that I love him.

- You can tell him that.

- Mom, I'm going to New York.

This photography exhibit

can put me on the map.

- Yes, but...

You know, your father

thinks you're dating a BMW!

[Engine starts]

- What's a BMW?

- A Black, Muslim, or White.

- Love you, Mom.

- Wait, are you?

[Phone ringing]

- Hey, Babe.

- Hey, babe.

What's up?

You on your way?

- Yes, yes. I'm on my way.

- Mmm, I miss you so much.

Look, babe,

what are you wearing?

- Traveling clothes.

- No, underneath that.

What are you wearing?

- Babe, I'm driving.

- Please tell me

the color of them panties.

- [Laughing]

Babe, it's too early for this.

- It's never too early.

- Aww.

Oh, babe. I miss you.

- [ Growls]

I'm trying to see what them

panties look like.

- Okay?

Well, I'm not wearing any --

- Who's Babe?

- [Screams]

[Horn honks]

- Dad!

What the hell

are you doing here?

- Yes? Hello, Babe!

Who are you?

[Cellphone beeps]

- Dad.

- Who's Babe?

- We have nothing

to talk about!

- We have plenty

to talk about!

Tell me!

- You've crossed the line

this time.

- Are you staying with Babe

in New York?

Talk to me!

[Cellphone beeps]

Oh, God. Don't tell me

you're dating a Pakistani.

You're dating a Pakistani!

Perfect!

[]

You can't park here.

- The white zone is for

immediate loading

and unloading...

- Open the child-lock.

- Thanks for the surprise, Dad.

- ...no parking.

- Bye.

- You can't park here!

- Excuse me! Excuse me, sir.

You can't park here.

Sir?

[Indistinct conversations]

- Hi.

Flight 704 to New York, please.

- Okay.

Are you travelling alone?

- Yes.

- You look very exotic.

With your hair color,

I just can't tell

where you're from.

- I'm from Los Angeles.

- Right on. So am I!

I'm local, you're local.

We should hang out.

There's a great place

in Silver Lake.

You have any baggage?

- No.

- Yes.

Me.

- No.

- I'm with her.

- No, he's not.

Dad?

- I'm her father.

- Is this your father?

- No.

- Yes, my ID.

And I'd like a seat

next to my daughter, please.

- You're not coming

to New York with me.

- I'm an old man

who wants to travel.

I've never been to New York.

- Oh, wow.

- He went two weeks ago.

- You know, uh,

when she was younger,

I used to carry her tickets,

passport, money,

everything with me right here.

Now, I just have my own.

I'm all alone.

- Can I have my boarding pass,

please?

- And my only daughter's

embarrassed to sit next to me.

- Don't listen to him.

- Geez.

- I hate you, Dad.

- Excuse me, sir.

Run away.

That's what you're best at.

I know why you don't

want me at this exhibit.

It's because you're having

adult sleepovers

before marriage.

- Sir, this is a line.

- Yeah.

- Excuse me.

- Excuse me.

This is my daughter.

Would you mind very much

if I stood?

- Excuse me.

- Thank you.

- Excuse me, ma'am?

Can I just...

- In our country,

we have rules!

- This is my country.

- People, have your

shoes and jackets off

in the gray bins.

Let's keep this moving.

- Dad, stop following me.

- I have to follow you.

I'm in a line.

- You're just

embarrassing yourself.

- You want to know

what's embarrassing?

I'm the only member of

the Indian Doctors' Association

to have their child

drop out of medical school.

That's embarrassing.

All I ever wanted was for you

to become a doctor!

- Shh.

I never wanted

to become a doctor.

I just wanted

to make you proud.

- Then make me proud

by becoming a doctor!

- Dad, Papa, I'm done.

I'm done fighting with you.

- I just want you to have

a stable profession.

- I'm an artist.

- Do you know how much

we spent on your education?

- My photography

has been featured

in "La Couture De La Paris."

It's an important

French magazine.

- The picture with the breasts?

- You never had the eye

for real art.

- Picture taking

is not a stable profession!

- It's photography, Dad.

- Photography, pornography,

it's all the same thing.

When you were a little girl,

you used to say to me,

"Daddy, when I grow up,

I want to become a doctor

just like you."

- I was 7.

I believed in unicorns.

- You know, you look like

a hippie clown with that hair.

- Why are you insulting me?

- Purple hippie.

- Go home to Mom.

- Oh, insulting your father

in public is very nice.

- Yes!

[Body scanner beeps]

- I'm not proud

to be your father,

I'll tell you that.

[ Man speaks indistinctly over P.A.]

It's stuck.

This thing's broken.

[Body scanner beeps]

Would you stop being

a hippie clown

criminal pornographer

for just one second

and help your father?

- No! Stop talking to me!

- Sir, you're holding up

the line.

- Dad, what's that hanging

from your bag?

- It's a fuse!

- That's a bomb.

- Sir, put your hands

up in the air!

- What?

[Alarm blares]

- Put your hands over your head.

- Security! Gate 5!

- Security, gate 5!

- Security, gate 5!

- No, that's my father!

- She's coming through!

- Clear the area!

Clear the area!

- Keep still, sir.

- But I'm a urologist!

[Alarms blaring]

- Got this, uh, brown guy.

Think he's Pakistani.

Got his fanny pack here.

- [Muffled laughter]

Your mother's going to kill me.

- Mm.

- [Sighs]

- I'm so sorry, Dad.

- I'm sorry, too.

[]

So... who's Babe?

[]

You strap your fanny pack

On the front or the back

When the kids talk...

Make 'em take it back

I know you can't believe

The things you've heard

and you've seen

But my baby's afraid

of only one thing

It's your fanny pack

It's your fanny pack

It's your fanny pack

Yeah

Oh, yeah

It's your fanny pack

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes