Father Goose Page #6

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of discipline has to be maintained.

Ssshh.

When did you teach them

something useful?

What do you suggest?

Drinking and swearing?

Why are we whispering?

Oh!

I don't know. Why were

we whispering, hmm?

- Is it edible?

- No, I get lonely.

Why don't you teach them

something like that?

Something practical,

like catching fish.

Oh well, that doesn't

seem too difficult.

I mean, if you can do it,

I'm sure anyone can.

Try it. I haven't had

my morning laugh yet.

All right.

Oh, that was good. Good.

Woo!

I didn't quite understand the

reason for that last movement.

Would you mind

demonstrating it again?

I have an infuriating lack of

talent for doing simple things.

You probably don't do

'em right, that's why.

All right, all right.

Just stay there.

I like fish, but

fish don't like me.

All right, now, be quiet.

Just keep still.

Give me your hand. Cup them, cup them.

That's right.

Oh.

- OK?

- Mm-hm.

Now, watch what you're doing.

Hey, here she comes again.

- How do you know it's a she?

- Her mouth is open. Now be quiet.

OK, now... now slowly.

Slowly, now.

Slowly.

S... S...

Mr Eckland? Aren't we

moving too slowly now?

Hmm? Hmm?

- Shouldn't we...

- Shouldn't we what?

- What?

- You said shouldn't we.

Shouldn't we what?

Well, you've got the

hang of it now.

Oh... We didn't catch a fish.

I know, I know. That's right.

That's right. We didn't.

But you got

the hang of it.

- You already said that.

- Oh, I did.

Mr Eckland, are you going to show me

how to catch a fish or aren't you?

I aren't.

I wanna go back now.

Just as soon as I've picked

some of these berries.

- What if they're dangerous?

- Oh, we can always ask Mr Eckland.

Yeah, if he says eat them,

we'll know they're poisonous.

Oh... Oh!

- Something bit me.

- A snake, there, next to your leg.

- Woo!

- It bit you! It bit you!

Oh. Let's go back, quickly.

[ Speaks French ]

[ Speaks French ]

What happened? I don't

know what she's saying.

It was a long snake, I saw it.

It bit mademoiselle on the leg.

OK. Everyone out.

Girls, do as Mr Eckland says.

I'll be all right.

- I want to watch.

- Oh, Harri, please.

- Is it painful?

- Your hand is wet.

Yeah. Now this is going

to hurt a little.

- You should enjoy that.

- Quiet.

Go ahead, you can yell

if you feel like it.

I don't feel like it.

OK, it's all done.

- Do you really think it was poisonous?

- Well, no sense taking any chances.

Lie back. This isn't

going to hurt.

Mr Eckland. I want you to know I

really appreciate what you're doing.

Save it.

Come in, Kings Point.

This is Eckland.

Briar Patch, Mother Goose.

Bo Peep here.

Get Houghton, will you.

We got trouble here.

What's wrong, Walter?

What kind of snakes they

got around here, Frank?

Is that a rhetorical

question, I hope?

No. Miss Freneau

went and found one.

- Good grief. Is she?

- She seems all right at the moment.

Find out if they're poisonous and

if so what we can do about it.

Right away. Oh, and Walter...

Until we get a positive ID, don't try and

be a movie hero and suck out the venom.

Walter? Are you there, Walter?

- Yeah, I'm here, Frank. Shoot.

- Plug in the phones, will you?

Yeah!

- Go ahead.

- It's not good.

I've got Dr Bigraves here. He's checked

with Tropical Medicine. I'll put him on.

Mr Eckland, there are three varieties

of serpent indigenous to those islands

and all are extremely poisonous.

Well, I opened the wound, Doctor.

I think I got all the venom out.

Taken orally, it can't hurt you,

Mr Eckland, but if she were bitten

and its entered her bloodstream,

there's nothing we can do.

I'm afraid she's bought it.

- Well, there must be something...

- The venom attacks the nervous system.

The end will come suddenly preceded by a

general numbing sensation and dizziness.

Oh, oh, I see, Doctor.

I suggest you do everything to make

her as comfortable as possible,

including the liberal use of any strong,

analgesic sedative you happen to have.

- I don't have anything like that.

- Nonsense. You've used one for years.

No, I haven't.

Oh yes, I have.

Call me, Walter, when it's over.

Goodbye.

Yeah.

- Bad, isn't it?

- Where's the whiskey?

Oh, I knew it. I'm going to die and you're

afraid I'll take the secret to my grave.

Whiskey is still the best

thing for snake bite.

Where is it, lady?

Stop calling me lady.

It sounds so awful.

It's in the oven.

It can't be in the oven.

I looked there.

I know you did. Gretchen told me.

I put it there after you looked.

Hey, I thought that was for me.

I just want to make sure

it hasn't gone bad.

Come on, drink that. It

won't hurt you. Go on.

Hey, hey. Be careful. You'll

ruin your amateur standing.

I'm French, Mr Eckland. My parents started

me on wine mixed with water when I was six.

But I don't believe in

excessive drinking.

Especially in front of children.

No, the truth is,

when my mother died,

I became the mistress of...

- the consulate.

- Oh, oh.

I presided over all the

diplomatic dinners.

We had martinis before dinner,

white wine with the fish.

Red wine with the main course,

champagne with the dessert.

Cognac with the coffee

and port after dinner.

Sounds great.

Isn't it getting hot in here?

Woo, isn't it getting hot in here?

Isn't it getting hot in here?

You mustn't move around.

Come on. Just...

That's right. Just lie quietly.

I bet you think I'm an iceberg.

- Do you know how old I am?

- No.

The truth is, we've

lived in 11 countries.

I can speak seven languages.

I'm excellent at bridge. I

play the cello very well.

I'm double-jointed, and I

know how to ride a camel.

- I was engaged once.

- Huh?

His name was Cesare and he worked

in the Italian consulate at Fiume.

- Do you know where Fiume is?

- Yugoslavia, isn't it?

No, it's in Yugoslavia.

He called me Carissima and gave me

handkerchiefs with my initials on them.

Every time he wanted to kiss

me, he'd say "Permesso",

and then afterwards,

he'd say "Grazie".

You've had enough.

Oh, Cesare would never have

done to my leg what you did.

Oh, probably couldn't reach it.

I liked what you did to my

leg, the last part, I mean.

- Oh, that.

- Tell me. I'd like to know.

- What did my blood taste like, mm?

- Delicious. Now come on.

No, no, no, no. I'm being serious.

What did it taste like?

How would I know?

I'm not a vampire.

Oh... Was it salty?

- A little salty, yes.

- Too salty?

- No, it was just right.

- Oh no.

You thought it was too salty. I

can tell you didn't like it.

- No, no. I liked it.

- Oh, really?

- I liked it.

- You're not just saying that.

Great blood.

Please, now, buzz off, will you?

Miss Freneau isn't feeling very well.

Now come on.

I'm gonna kill

that rotten snake.

Anne!

Your opinion of me is

correct, you know.

I'm a... a picture straightener.

You're a what?

- A picture straightener.

- Oh.

When I see a picture on a wall

that doesn't hang straightly,

I straighten it.

Oh, you do that.

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